Retired PIL are living in a house my DH purchased 7 years ago while we were dating but not yet married or living together. We are living in a smaller but more central place that PIL own in the same city. It has always been understood that once we start to have kids we will swap with them as we will need the space. This is all fine.
Where I might be unreasonable is that I am dreading making the swap a bit because it feels like we will be living in my inlaws’ house and among their possessions rather than our own first family home. When DH bought the house it was understood that his DP would go to live there first. They put some money into the refurbishment -- so all interior and new furniture decisions were made by DH with his DP. He asked what I thought about one big ticket item at the time, I said I didn’t particularly like it, he bought it anyway, and that was that. Which wasn’t a problem, he bought the house and we weren’t yet married so he could do as he wanted and decorate his house as he pleased. PIL also moved in a lot of their prior furniture and decorations as well.
Now we are facing the prospect of moving there as a young family, and the house is very much decorated and furnished to his parents’ taste. In some ways it's a replica of the house they lived in before for many years, which I guess DH didn't mind. While it’s a nice home, it is not my style and I would have chosen quite a few things differently. They won’t be able to take much of their furniture (or vast book collection) when we swap because it won’t fit, so I’m getting anxious about the prospect of moving in and being stuck with their stuff and their taste for decades. DH was even talking about letting them leave some of their clothes in the closets after they move as they probably have too many to fit in the smaller house, which caused an argument (I really draw the line at having to share my home closet with my MIL, as much as I love her..!). He has since backtracked on that. I have also mentioned to DH maybe wanting to change a few things in the house to make it more ‘ours’ (which I would be happy to pay for) – for example the very brightly coloured kitchen – which he got very upset about and it ended in a big argument. He had assumed I loved the house (I don't know why, he didn't actually speak to me about any of the choices they were making when he bought it bar one, which he didn't even listen to). From his view, which I acknowledge is reasonable, the refurbishment and lots of the fixtures and fittings are barely 6 years old, so it doesn’t make sense to change any of that, while for his parents’ older furniture and bulky possessions (pictures on walls etc), what’s so wrong with keeping it rather than forking out for new things.
I don’t know. I am probably BU but I guess I am just looking for some tough love or suggestions to make me feel better! I realise there are much bigger problems to have, I just feel a bit disappointed to see all our friends making their first family homes their own together as a couple, while we are looking at moving into what is effectively my inlaws' place and not being able to change much about it. AIBU to feel this way?