To think being a SAHM/housewife is not the same as someone claiming benefits?

[Jajana]

Was chatting to my sister and was talking about how my MIL is a housewife (sorry not sure if that’s the correct term). She said that being a SAHM/housewife is no different to someone claiming benefits and would rather claim benefits than rely on someone for an income!

Bearing in mind, FIL runs a very successful business and all of the money MIL receives is from private funds - not through the state.

Am i being reasonable to think being a SAHM/housewife isn’t the same as claiming benefits?

@LeeMucklowesCurtains

I disagree. Its rooted in sexism

There's nothing wrong with getting help from the state when you need it.

I never stated or implied this!

I just did DS's passport. Presumably you get weekends off work, or a day off sometime. Just go to a shop that takes passport photos, there are loads. They check them online to make sure they're acceptable. Sounds like you're over complicating things.

The post you quoted did insinuate there was something wrong with it and you agreed with it. So yes you did in a roundabout way.

@CarryonCovid One thing that might help: You can take your passport photos at home now on your phone and do your application online. No need for any running around. HTH.

So I think when most women talk about it in terms of ‘my wage’, that’s all they mean, nothing more sinister than that.

Yes, of course it makes no financial sense to go to work and earn less than you're having to pay for childcare to go to work!!

As a couple, you're going to worse off.

The post you quoted did insinuate there was something wrong with it and you agreed with it. So yes you did in a roundabout way.

Then I apologise

@CarryonCovid And you seem to be talking about jobs that need doing once every 5 years +, aside from MOT, which is annually. Surely that wouldn't necessitate staying at home?

@pinklavenders

It can make sense in the longer term.

Or it would make more sense for both parents to reduce hours than one parent not work at all.

That's just off the top of my head.

i mean this nicely, I'm just trying to understand your thinking, but do you think that families with two incomes don't get passports or book gp appointments?

Or it would make more sense for both parents to reduce hours than one parent not work at all.

But that's the question..!? For some couples it may make sense for one partner to focus on his/her career while the other reduces their hours. In the long run the higher earner's career could pay a lot more?

The immediate outcome is the same, the consequence though is the woman missing on contributing to a workplace pension, the experience to progress etc . Not important to all and depends on the career, but your example is very simplistic and doesn't paint the whole picture. It's not just about take home pay.

My husband wouldn’t be able to reduce hours in his current job.

So he would have to find a job with fewer hours and probably far less prospects and benefits than his current one.

It would make no sense at all.

no idea how that would have worked for us - DH is often not home until 2am after an evening closing a deal or taking clients out.

I have never heard of a role where someone is expected to regularly be out entertaining clients until past midnight or closing deals at all hours of the morning. On a big deal you’d have a team including legal and admins taking minutes, they would not all have the capacity to be available during those hours on a regular basis. It wouldn’t just be Jeffrey and Stewart sitting in an empty office with empty pizza boxes lying around like some American 80s political drama. Either your DH is spinning you a line or you’re exaggerating.

Over nearly 30 years of marriage I have stayed at home with small children, extended that because of additional needs, then worked part-time, then worked full-time, then had some years out of work because of a crap medical diagnosis, now I'm back to work part-time.

None of these choices affected anyone apart from our family. Why would any of this be of interest or concern to anyone else? Why should any of those choices illicit the kind of the responses I've seen on this thread?

So much for The Sisterhood, women having choices and building each other up 🙄

Sometimes it is though.

We have to live in the moment. And the most important thing right now is paying the mortgage and bills. So right now, it is just about take home pay and we do better with just dh working at the moment. He’s far better educated and more experienced than me so he can earn more money, he’s the one that works.

Not everyone’s situation is the same. I just had jobs, not a career and couldn’t afford to contribute towards a pension anyway.

Many people just do work with no progression or prospects at all. So it’s never going to be one size fits all.

@LeeMucklowesCurtains

Only because you viewed your job as shit rather than as something that could have prospects equal to your ohs

No it's not, depressing though isn't it, going to be even harder to get a job, especially a flexible one if required in the future as well. He will be fine whatever happens though.

But I don't think CarryonCovid is suggesting that these tasks necessitate one person staying at home. She is saying that she, and many others, find juggling everything a bit of a struggle and not 'fairly effortless' as you have suggested HandScreen.

But I don't think CarryonCovid is suggesting that these tasks necessitate one person staying at home. She is saying that she, and many others, find juggling everything a bit of a struggle and not 'fairly effortless' as you have suggested HandScreen.

Only because you viewed your job as shit rather than as something that could have prospects equal to your ohs

Even women with great career prospects often choose to give up their career in favour of looking after their families. Obviously only if their partner earns enough.

Sorry, don't know why it posted twice.

No, there are other things at play too in my life that have held me back that I don’t want to divulge on here. It’s not that simple so don’t be so goady about a few comments on a strangers life when I don’t owe you or anyone an explanation.

@LeeMucklowesCurtains

Wasn't meant to be goady and as you say I only have the info youve given to go on.

@pinklavenders

Fuck knows why.