Breastfeeding a toddler - what would you do in my situation?

[parkrunsandpinot]

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My DD is 16m old and has been breastfed since birth never accepted a bottle, never had formula, spits out any cows milk if we give it in a sippy cup.

I'm so keen to TTC but experiencing a very short luteal phase (3 days!) so it's impossible I imagine. Certainly first few months trying haven't worked (and we conceived DD very quickly). I am definitely ovulating.

I'm really torn. I love breastfeeding and it the only way my DD takes milk. She feeds before her nap and before bed, and maybe 5-6 times a night still (comfort feeds whilst cosleeping).

Any tips for me to improve my LP whilst being able to bf still? Or if I wean her, will it matter that my DD doesn't drink milk? She eats tonnes of cheese and yoghurt. I just can't imagine her going to bed without a feed! She does start nursery soon ish so maybe that will help.

I'm just so confused about what to do. Time isn't on our sides (I'm mid 30s) so we do need to TTC soon ish. Plus don't want a huge gap. But I would have happily tandem fed and kept feeding my first born if I could just fall pregnant.

I'm also reluctant to wean as not guaranteed it'll sort my LP out and then will I regret it? I don't think I really want to feed my DD past 2 so don't plan to feed loads longer anyhow....

Anyone experienced this situation and if so... what did you do? What should I do? I'm so confused

I would join Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond on Facebook and ask there.

I got pregnant while BFing.

Perhaps reduce to mornings and evenings only? I would not be worried about not drinking milk - plenty of kids grow up vegan.

@Outfoxedbyrabbits great suggestion thank you!

@EatYourVegetables - I was thinking this. But I feel so lost when it comes to night weaning. It will be hell. And I can't ask my DH for help as his job involves a lot of driving and long hours, he needs his sleep.

Id seek specialist online groups with later bf but perhaps reducing night feeds would be the easiest way to cut feeds

Night weaning might surprise you - it can be very quick. Pick a long weekend when DH is home for it and hope it works?

I got pregnant while still feeding my toddler but it was after he’d been night weaned. I fed him before bed and my husband handled the night time wake ups for a while. Good luck with it

Id get out of the habit of co-sleeping with a toddler, it'll be a very hard habit to break when they're older and needing to be in their own bed

5-6 times a night! You must be exhausted. Between that and co sleeping how are you managing any type of sex life?! No wonder you haven't conceived.

Why not try her on formula if she’s not had that yet? My two were BF for two years but would have the odd formula post 6 months if I wasn’t around.

Sorry no help (except to say I know various people who conceived when still feeding 2 year olds) but I'm bemused at your reference to a toddler, even though I suppose you're probably right. I'm still feeding my 15 month old and consider it feeding a baby, certainly not any sort of extended feeding. Anyway, as you were! Wishing you luck OP.

Step 1 would be to reduce the time between feeds to give your body a chance to ovulate.
the easiest way would be to reduce/stop night feeding.
Step 2 would to be reduce feeding although- if you want to quickest chance to get pregnant
Hope it goes well whatever you decided.

Thank you everyone some good advice here.

Any tips on night weaning? I'm dreading it but think this is what we will have to do.

@underneathleaf ohh interesting. I see my DD as a toddler she's running around, talking quite a bit and definitely doesn't feel like a baby any more? I wonder what the true definition of a baby/toddler is.

@Charlavail very normal for a breastfed child. I barely open my eyes or wake. She latches on and off as she likes. She sleeps in her own cot/bed until midnight ish

I guess I'm biased as I hate co sleeping anyway, but will you want to be cosleeping with a toddler when you have a third trimester bump or a newborn? If not, you'll need to move her to her own room at some point so I'd bite the bullet on that some week your DH is around and you don't have much on so you can afford to be tired if it is difficult. That will hopefully give you bigger gaps between feeds which might help.

@JenniferBarkley ahhh see I adore cosleeping. I'd like to continue for a while if possible! But good advice thank you.

I conceived whilst feeding (twice, and including at night) at a similar sort of age to your toddler (I also think of a toddling infant as a toddler!) - I agree with your emotional point that you wouldn’t want to risk stopping feeding until you know you’re actually having another! How long have you been trying? I don’t see why it wouldn’t work, despite short LP. I tandem fed btw and it was very fun

How do you know you are ovulating? Have you been having scans? I think a 3 day Luteal phase is very unusual and if you are using OPKs it’s possible you are having a LH surge without ovulating.
I agree with others I wouldn’t worry at all about her not having milk if she’s having dairy foods, you can only do what you can do! It’s lovely you’ve had such a nice time bf and have carried on so long, well done!

I'm bemused at your reference to a toddler, even though I suppose you're probably right. I'm still feeding my 15 month old and consider it feeding a baby

I think it’s fairly well accepted that a baby becomes a toddler once they’re walking, of course not all will be at 15-16 months, but it’s hardly unusual is it? Seems a weird thing to bother to pull the OP up on!

A 3 day luteal phase does seem very short, were your cycles normal before OP? How long have your periods been back for?

@parkrunsandpinot I can vividly remember being in this position. I also breastfed and co-slept. (I do think co-sleeping is relevant, as if you look it up, it does seem to affect return of periods, ovulation etc) Quite simply, I learnt that I could not breastfeed and conceive. I know it happens for others, it just didn't happen for me. It was tough, because I remember feeling how much I loved breastfeeding but equally how much I really wanted another baby.

I think if you are dreading giving up breastfeeding, then you are probably not yet ready. You might also consider how you'd feel if you got pregnant then miscarried, because this is what happened to me (and I felt such a loss at having to end my breastfeeding journey). I did go on to conceive again, but still felt sad that breastfeeding had to end. I would have loved to be able to tandem feed.

It's hard, but you might not be ready to give up. You could always see how you feel in a few months. It might not help, but I'm still breastfeeding my final child at 17 months and still have not got my periods back. Good luck with whatever you decide.

BTW I also love cosleeping, I have three - DD (5) is in her own room now (no dramas, her room was always set up for her and one day at around 4 ish she decided to sleep there and that was that), and still cosleep with the younger two (3 and 1). 3 year old sleeps all night, 1 year old still wakes a fair bit but like you say I barely notice! Has worked brilliantly for us!

@OrlaOrka I'm having positive OPKs lots of EWCM and very intense ovulation cramps - followed by a period 3/4 days later!

Hi OP. There's lots of evidence that suggests that a sudden change in feeding patterns is more effective in ttc then a gradual reduction. It's the sudden change that might jump-start your hormones into ttc mode.
I returned to full time work when my baby was 8 months. Eventhough I was pumping at work, I was pregnant exactly a month later and it could be down to dropping the day feeds. It's about the amount of time baby is suckling at the breast - this is what reduces the hormones.
I still feed my baby morning and and evening, more on the weekends. We also coslept but once I started putting her in the cot for the start of the night she started sleeping through (I feel very lucky!) This was a few months before I got pg so for me, her stopping night feeds didn't work.
She still comes in with me when she wakes at 5 so I still feel like we get the cosleeping cuddles.
So rather than gradually reducing you could try just dropping feeds but needs to be enough make a difference.

@whatatanker thank you for this. It's nice to hear from someone who totally understands. No one in RL does at all.
I'm worried that if I stop bf my LP may not even improve and I will mourn the end of our bf journey. I really don't know what to do. I think I'll start just trying to cut night feeds out and go from there. Thank you for your response.

Thank you @RoseGoldEagle

I sleep amazingly with my baby next to me. I hate her being down the hall in her own room though have learnt to accept some people reaaaaaally don't get it!

@parkrunsandpinot if it’s something you would be interested in I would be inclined to have a cycle tracked with scans and bloods, just to check what’s happening. (I work in fertility) you can have what’s called a LUF, you get all the symptoms of ovulating but not actually ovulate! Just might be something to think about! Could be that you have the follicle there ready to go and just need a trigger injection to release the egg, you wouldn’t have to change how you are bf then at all!