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Original poster

Breastfeeding a toddler - what would you do in my situation?

55 replies

parkrunsandpinot · 30/04/2022 20:31

Posting shamelessly here for traffic! Blush

My DD is 16m old and has been breastfed since birth never accepted a bottle, never had formula, spits out any cows milk if we give it in a sippy cup.

I'm so keen to TTC but experiencing a very short luteal phase (3 days!) so it's impossible I imagine. Certainly first few months trying haven't worked (and we conceived DD very quickly). I am definitely ovulating.

I'm really torn. I love breastfeeding and it the only way my DD takes milk. She feeds before her nap and before bed, and maybe 5-6 times a night still (comfort feeds whilst cosleeping).

Any tips for me to improve my LP whilst being able to bf still? Or if I wean her, will it matter that my DD doesn't drink milk? She eats tonnes of cheese and yoghurt. I just can't imagine her going to bed without a feed! She does start nursery soon ish so maybe that will help.

I'm just so confused about what to do. Time isn't on our sides (I'm mid 30s) so we do need to TTC soon ish. Plus don't want a huge gap. But I would have happily tandem fed and kept feeding my first born if I could just fall pregnant.

I'm also reluctant to wean as not guaranteed it'll sort my LP out and then will I regret it? I don't think I really want to feed my DD past 2 so don't plan to feed loads longer anyhow....

Anyone experienced this situation and if so... what did you do? What should I do? I'm so confused Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
parkrunsandpinot · 30/04/2022 22:13

@RoseGoldEagle periods back for 4 months but very irregular cycle lengths.

Yep before baby #1 had a regular 28 day cycle and feel pregnant on cycle 1 TTC! So not used to this at all - we were so lucky first time around.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 30/04/2022 22:14

Bintymcbintface · 30/04/2022 21:24

Id get out of the habit of co-sleeping with a toddler, it'll be a very hard habit to break when they're older and needing to be in their own bed

There is no reason to suppose this is true.

I slept with my son until he was 2. He literally transitioned without ever being upset or anxious. Sleeps through with zero issues.

Original poster
parkrunsandpinot · 30/04/2022 22:15

@OrlaOrka amazing thank you, I'll have to speak to my doctor about this.

Do you think if I stopped breastfeeding my luteal phase issue will correct itself?

I worry that if I stop it won't and I'll have stopped for nothing!

OP posts:
OrlaOrka · 30/04/2022 22:17

@parkrunsandpinot Yes stopping breastfeeding should get your cycles back to normal even if it changes them slightly (longer or shorter) tbh I’ve never heard of anyone having a 3 day Luteal phase so I think something else is going on! But if you can see what’s happening and get some help then you could continue bf and have the best of both worlds hopefully! Good luck!

OrlaOrka · 30/04/2022 22:18

Merryoldgoat · 30/04/2022 22:14

There is no reason to suppose this is true.

I slept with my son until he was 2. He literally transitioned without ever being upset or anxious. Sleeps through with zero issues.

Show quote history

I agree with this, there’s no reason to stop co sleeping if you don’t want to. I haven’t heard of any 15 year olds still co sleeping 🤣

Original poster
parkrunsandpinot · 30/04/2022 22:19

Thank you @OrlaOrka I did think it was really strange. I get a few peaks during the month on OPKs so you could be right. But the EWCM was very prominent and then dried right up the day after I had the most intense ovulation pains. So, I was so sure I had!

Thanks so much for your advice.

OP posts:
AliceW89 · 30/04/2022 22:19

Any tips on night weaning? I'm dreading it but think this is what we will have to do

if you want to continue co sleeping, look up the Jay Gordon method. We had success with this. Night weaning regulated my cycles as well I have to say - we carried on feeding twice a day right up until 20 months, when DS lost interest.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 30/04/2022 22:21

I have three children, not one of them have ever drunk an entire cup of milk. I never did either once weaned, and (according to my mum!) I self-weaned at about 9 months. My twins stopped having formula the second they turned one and my third I weaned off the breast at 14 months. They're all fine and dandy so I wouldn't worry about that!

I'd at least night wean but if it's not disturbing you and you don't want to then don't.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 30/04/2022 22:28

I know you’ve got the hurdle of becoming pregnant but FWIW when I got pregnant with my second- whilst still feeding my eldest in a very similar pattern to what you describe- my eldest self-weaned. She was 17m when I fell pregnant and carried on, but somewhere around 20 weeks (so eldest was 22m) the milk must have changed in some way because she went right off of it. Similar thing happened to my best friend too (her son was around 26m when she hit 20 weeks and the weaning happened). My eldest was pretty verbal and kept saying “why go?” About my boob… and I know there was still milk, but it clearly wasn’t as much or as nice to her or something. Was good because it stopped her waking at night and also was a good way of explaining about the new baby.

I can see that the getting pregnant may be a hurdle though. Might just be a cause of trying for a bit longer though. Good luck.

Giraffesandbottom · 30/04/2022 22:30

I second the Jay Gordon method but I also think co sleep for as long as you want as it’s delightful!

User65412 · 30/04/2022 22:30

I should add my baby is cmpa so has no other milk or dairy either (Oat drink in porridge etc though) and at 1 year is absolutely fine with around 3 feeds in 24 hours x

Ttbhappy · 30/04/2022 22:38

I was in the same situation with short lp while still breastfeeding. With a very heavy heart I stopped when my ds was 19 months and became pregnant the first month after I stopped breastfeeding. It just didn't work while I was still feeding. I tried for 4 months previously while breastfeeding. It was very difficult but I thought about my age 35 at time and how I was giving my son a sibling andweighed it up. I did try but I found I couldn't have it all.

pinkstripeycat · 30/04/2022 22:39

I got pregnant whilst BF and I had gestational APS/Hughes syndrome. As soon as I conceived I had to inject clexane daily but still was able to BF

PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd · 30/04/2022 22:45

Hi OP - my first loved breastfeeding and I co-slept. I remember feeling similar as I didn't even have a period until she was 2 and then it was months before another. I had to cut bf a lot - cut it down until it was just bed time and nap time, gradually cut that as she started dropping her nap etc. One thing that I think also helped was gaining weight - I lost lots with bf and, although I only read this in one place when scouring the internet for ideas, it makes sense; my body needed to feel it was able to support another baby and so needed some more fat I think. Cutting down feeds - I think it was just once or twice a day - and gaining weight worked and I conceived DC2 second try at age 38. But a word of warning - breastfeeding while pregnant can feel horrible! Some weird hormonal stuff and milk stopped and I just wanted to stop. DC1 was 3 by then so I think that was reasonable! Good luck

theAntsareMyFriends · 30/04/2022 23:01

I took the longest to conceive my 2nd eventhough my first had weaned. I conceived 3rd and 4th while still feeding.

I found taking a multi B vitamin lengthened my cycles and (it may have been a coincidence) I got pregnant first try after taking it. I'm a veggie and a few other vegetarians I know struggle to conceive and then found they were B12 deficient; however, this also may be coincidence.

usethedata · 30/04/2022 23:14

Only thought that occurred to me is have you tried measuring your basal body temperature to see if your luteal phase really is that short? Wondering if other things are misleading you at all.

Spottybotty20 · 30/04/2022 23:21

I guess it comes down to what’s more urgent for you. Continuing to breastfeed or trying to conceive.

I was breastfeeding when I conceived my 2nd but my 1st was 2 and feeding a lot less at night (I didn’t wean it just happened on its own) continued feeding all through the pregnancy and tandem fed too.

my 2 have a great age gap

Wnikat · 30/04/2022 23:45

Night weaning would help, look up the dr Jay Gordon method

SNWannabe · 30/04/2022 23:54

Honestly? give it a few more months… you say you’ve only had your periods back a few months. Trust your body is gearing back up towards fertility, enjoy your baby/toddler for now and aim for a closer to 3 year age gap anyway as that’s a lovely one…
Enjoy the co sleeping and the BFing for now and just try to relax a bit. Have lots of sex when you can (and yes that’s possible when BF and co sleeping!!) and i bet you’re pregnant by the end of the summer.

SNWannabe · 30/04/2022 23:55

Oh and i meant to say i BF all of mine until they chose to self wean and it didn’t stop two pregnancies… but my periods were absent for nearly two years while feeding and yours are back so that’s fab!

HiJenny35 · 01/05/2022 01:35

Don't stop in the hope of conceiving. I stopped my second early because I wanted another and massively regret it, I feel like I pushed her into it rather than having the gentle end I had with my first and I never ended up with another child anyway. I conceived the second time while still feeding my first.

anewername · 01/05/2022 02:38

I'd wait a bit longer and wean her. I did get pregnant once I really cut down but by then no night feeds as DS was coming up to 2. He started sleeping through. DD woke still for feeds at the same age though, so they are all different.

Poopootatty · 01/05/2022 06:41

I stopped feeding at 2.5 years with DD. I have to say that once I stopped, I loved co-sleeping! Until that point, I didn’t enjoy being used as a buffet during the night. Once it wasn’t all about the boobs, we have enjoyed some of the loveliest cuddles. I probably fed for a year longer than I wanted to because of the guilt Of stopping before DD was ready. I won’t be lead by that guilt again.

DD was older but we discussed there being no more booby, then we just said no. Cuddled, empathised, offered water (didn’t want to create a night time
milk habit) and co-slept. I think it took about a week to stop asking and getting upset. It was fine.,

i did conceive whilst breastfeeding, but had a late miscarriage at 17 weeks. I then conceived again four months later once I’d stopped and have a DS as well.

twoandcooplease · 01/05/2022 07:03

I would keep bf until you are totally emotionally strong enough to stop. Breastfeeding trauma is real and stopping suddenly could cause so much regret. I'd wait a bit longer and get yourself ready to drop some but not completely
Good luck xx

Svara · 01/05/2022 07:08

I'm bemused at your reference to a toddler, even though I suppose you're probably right. I'm still feeding my 15 month old and consider it feeding a baby