to ask you to make me laugh... anything.. going through some tough times.

[CrazyRatLover]

Just that really. Hit me with a joke or something ridiculous you've seen or heard!

A couple of limericks for your amusement:

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In less than an hour
His dick was a flower
And his balls were a bundle of weeds

There once was a barmaid from Sale
Whose breasts bore the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
Was the same information in Braille

@veronicagoldberg that's quite funny, not heard that before. Thanks! 😂 😊 X

Have you seen “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”? This scene is a classic.

I am sorry you are going through tough times. Do you want to talk about it?

twitter.com/smacmccreanor/status/1516285056016285696?s=25&t=4njth9Bz66sakUdEdi1vDg

vm.tiktok.com/ZMLuaXs13/

twitter.com/smacmccreanor/status/1516844251853729795?s=25&t=4njth9Bz66sakUdEdi1vDg

These ones have made me laugh!

Not sure the tiktok one is sending to the right video though - unless it's my lack of tech savvy!

This made me laugh yesterday. There are more: dailysquared.com/parenting-fails?utm_source=struggle&utm_medium=boosts&utm_campaign=14511&utm_content=as5

I just took my bra off and a wotsit crisp fell out!!

@changeyourname11111 thank you, I'll have a look at that shortly. And thank you again, I do yes but it would take all year! X

The Year 4 children at the school I work at made a scientific discovery in the playground this week, which they christened a "double fly". Two flies ... ahem... stuck together... One child say "maybe they were born like that" - the innocence!

Also had a child point at a builder on a roof and ask me, "who's that?" (as if I should know every random builder in the vacinity!)

And another say, "Please can you help me go to the toilet?" She meant could I let her in so she could go to the toilet. We both had a laugh about that one.

Those three were all in one playtime - that was an interesting first day back!

Also, I was playing a 20 questions type game with a child. He kept insisting he was "looking right at" his chosen animal. I looked around the room, named every sea creature on the mural next to him, even crouched down next to him to see what he could see from his angle. Everything I guessed was wrong... eventually I asked him again if he was sure he was looking at it. He replied: "Yes. In my head."

Hope these cheer you up a bit! They never fail to make me smile!

But my three all time favourites all belong to one child, who was in Year 1 at the time:

This particular child had a best friend called Jacob, which is relevant to this first story. I was checking who could recite the alphabet, and this particular child's alphabet began thus: "a b c d e f g h i Jacob l m n o p..."

Another time, he was guiding a blindfolded (well, just with his eyes shut) friend through a maze. This friend had arrived a few months ago with no English. He was (understandably) struggling to understand and follow the instructions so his guide told him to open his eyes, which he also didn't understand. So the guiding child started making an opening and closing guesture with his hands held up to his eyes, repeating "open your eyes, open your eyes!" Which of course the other child couldn't see because his eyes were closed!

And finally, the children had chosen a weird and wonderful creature from a selection we'd given them, and had drawn their creatures. We were about to collect the pictures in and reminded them to put their names at the top. This particular child came and gave me his picture with 'Duncin' written at the top. His name was not Duncin (or even Duncan) so I asked him why he'd written that. He pointed at the naked mole rat in his picture and said, "It's his name."

Another excellent Steve Martin scene - watch to the end, it’s worth it!

This made me cry laughing the first time I saw it!

Try and find My Cousin Vinny.

The final court scene is hilarious.

After a row with her inept boyfriend, Miss Vito tells the court and wins the case for the defence.

It's not funny but it really made me smile last night...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=jA9yBw4AbKM

I've heard a very similar one to the Leeds limerick.

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Strips of grass
Grew from his arse
And his balls were covered in weeds

Not a limerick but something that made me laugh yesterday. My Dad rang and told me he had a bit of a mishap with his breakfast. He made himself a bowl of porridge and put a big dollop of jam in the middle. Unfortunately he wasn't wearing his glasses and what he thought was jam, turned out to be country pickle. He said he ate it but wouldn't recommend it!

Thai makes me laugh way more than I think it should, but I never get tired of seeing it!

vm.tiktok.com/ZMLsUxmov/

Will a heartwarming pic do?

Hayley is hilarious 😂www.instagram.com/reel/Cc7uIWQIEuT/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Once my daughter and I was playing charades and I was trying to impersonate Ross from Friends on one particular episode… small explanation of episode I was trying to act out below just in case you don’t know Friends well:

Ross is on a date at his girlfriend’s house wearing leather trousers and after visiting the bathroom, cannot pull them back up. He phones his friend Joey who advices him to use all sorts of lotions and powder to try to assist him in getting them back up … but obviously this just causes a massive mess and he’s covered in powder/lotions.

So I’m trying to enact this scene by pretending to sit on an imaginary toilet and then pulling my own jeans back up. Only when I pull my jeans down my whole undergarment follows and there’s me in the middle of the living room floor with a full bush on show in the middle of the day during lockdown.

My daughter stares at my bush in utter disbelief and goes “What episode of Friends did THAT happen?????” Followed by “Mummy, don’t EVER do that again. We have NEIGHBOURS.

What's a pirates favourite cheese?

CheddARRRRRRR!

Heard that today.
I love a crap joke I do.

Telling on myself here.

When we were 16, my friend’s older brother bought us some alcohol. We drank it - and got drunk - at their house.

It was winter & very cold, so when they brought me home (my parents were already in bed), I knew two things in my drunkenness: #1, if I turned the light on in my bedroom I’d surely rouse suspicion because I never normally turned the light on. And #2, I just knew I’d freeze to death if I didn’t put a T-shirt on. In my defense, alcohol had severely clouded my thinking.

So I just wiped my bed of all the clothes & crap onto the floor. Then I managed to quietly take off my clothes.

Then, in the darkness, I managed to weave over to the chest of drawers and fished around for a T-shirt. I made it back to my bed, and fought with said T-shirt for a good long while until I finally gave up and went to sleep.

I woke at about 4 the next morning with a pair of bikini panties around my neck, with my arm stuck in for good measure. TA DA!

I didn’t tell my parents until I was in my 30s.

I am in no way proud of this, or of other youthful indiscretions. But I sure had fun. And that friend? We recently celebrated our 60th anniversary of the best friendship ever. I love that girl.

Pirate noises during sex. It's in classics.
Bloody hilarious

Dp is useless at all but the most basic diy. Earlier in the week he boasted casually mentioned to mil he’d been fitting garden lighting, sorting wiring round garden furniture etc. Mil rang me to see if I was aware he was playing with electricity. I was able to reassure her he’d actually only put a few solar lights in.

@GetTheGoodLookingGuy they sound adorable and lots of fun!

From classics

There are a few more really funny threads in classics.

Also this.

Whatever is troubling you, I hope you feel better soon. 🤗

They're not funny, but Robert E Fuller's delightful wildlife videos on YouTube invariably bring a sappy, sentimental smile of pleasure to my generally sour face.

There's something really lovely and life affirming about them.