To think ‘no’ and ‘not really’ are not the same bloody answer?

[Merryoldgoat]

I’ve just had a conversation with a Health Visitor and ‘not really’ was the stock answer she had to my questions and it’s pissed me off.

My son has ASD and they’ve offered nothing, they get things wrong all the time.

I had to go to A&E with him on Monday as he had croup.

this was a follow up to that with absolutely zero purpose as far as I understand.

I think I’m just pissed off because they offer no help when you need it and when they can’t do anything they call.

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, but I don’t understand your title in relation to your post.

No means no.
not really means probably not but I could be persuaded or in the context of health care ‘not really’ means it’s not ideal, but if you go they won’t turn you away/ if you pester them enough you’ll get what you want.

I don’t understand either, but I’m sorry you are having a tough time.

To me ‘not really’ means ‘not EXACTLY that, but almost’ ‘no’ is a definite..

'Not really' is an appropriate answer to plenty of questions. It really depends on what questions you asked. But it seems that your AIBU is really 'AIBU to think my health visitor is crap?' rather than 'AIBU not to like the way someone answers my questions?' Again, hard to know whether your health visitor really is crap without knowing what you've expected of her, but obviously you've not had much actual help from her by the sound of it.

I assume the follow-up after your son's A&E dash was voluntary? If you really don't find the health visitor useful, or you think she's giving you terrible advice, then I would be inclined not to have appointments with her any more - it sounds like it's just causing you more stress, which is the last thing you need when you're already worried and tired from looking after a sick child.

I hope your son's on the mend now and that you will eventually get some rest - you must have had a really rotten time if he was so unwell.

No of course not. Because I am so exhausted I didn’t put it in!! What a twit.

basically the conversation went like this:

HV: I understand DS was admitted to hospital

me: No, we attended A&E and were treated in 40 mins, and released so no admission.

HV: … oh, well as it’s amber and he was admitted we need to follow up

me: ok. What do you need to follow up? We’re there any concerns raised?

HV: Not really.

me: Ok, so what was raised?

HV: Nothing

me: so there aren’t any concerns

HV: Not really

me: Ok - either items were raised or they weren’t, no matter how small. We’re any concerns raised that you need to follow up?

HV: No.

me: so what exactly is this call for?

HV: we can offer you help at the clinic for his weight.

me: we’re any concerns raised about his weight?

HV: not really.

me: we’re there concerns?

HV: no.

Please excuse the ridiculous apostrophes 😭

So it was a tick box follow up call.

Did you want help with something? Are you worried about the croup occurring again?

That sounds like the most pointless conversation ever!

@Strugglingtodomybest it really was! Literally no idea what the point was.

@Notonthestairs croup is a regular thing for him - we have about 2 trips to A&E a year where he’s given Dex, monitored and sent home snotty but much better. Doctors all say the same - he’s unlucky but he’ll grow out of it by 6 - never any real concern as he responded well to his meds every time.

You're right. "not really" means there was something. She sounds not that bright.

You know you can decline the health visitor service?

I think in your exhaustion you missed the point of a follow up from a hospital visit. A follow up is literally to check on whatever condition prompted the hospital visit. To see did the treatment work? Is he fully better? Or has the treatment worn off, and are YOU concerned about any relapses or think further treatment might be needed?

@clairemaddox

I have but I think because I agree hospital can share info they get informed. I might ask if I can opt out if HV being told in future. Happy for GP to know obviously.

Honestly I’m on the fence with that conversation - I can read it as really bloody frustrating that HV was woolly, but also you being really bloody pedantic!

Right from the start point - my ASD sister would need to argue over exactly whether something is or isn’t technically an admission, without grasping that the point of the call is a follow up to hospital attendance to see if she had any concerns or if the HV could help in any way.

I think you handled it the right way, getting absolute clarification on what you needed.

I’m sure there are some great health visitors but my experience has been entirely poor and basically absolutely useless.

sorry you’ve been on the receiving end of this, sounds really tough

I didn’t transcribe the full conversation.

we went through that and i said he’s I’ll but getting better. She asked if she could help. I asked what that would entail and she said she could refer me to the GP. When I asked would that result in anything different from my calling the doctor she said no.

so she can’t offer any help or advice at all.

14 years ago DS was a regular visitor to our local hospital with croup (until
We were given a supply of prednisone). I don't recall a single follow up phone call.

Yes I'd be irritated at the pointless phone call.

I suspect the purpose may be "remind mum of HV's existence and provide an opportunity for her to talk about any concerns she has." It might be that another mum in similar circumstance would welcome a chance to talk to someone about their worries about the croup, whether it's getting better or not, should they go to the GP if it's not, or something completely unrelated. Whilst plenty of mums are reasonably confident and have friends/family to talk to when they're unsure, HV support may be needed by others, and they may be the least likely to reach out for it.

@Testina

it actually matters because the number of admissions vs attendances is an indicator of whether croup needs more investigation.

he has had admissions and hasn’t since babyhood. It matters because if they record it incorrectly I could be viewed as ignoring the needs of my child.

its not something that would bother me. Health visitors have to call to follow up on any child who attends A&E it is routine regardless of the reason for admission or if any concerns were raised. She was just following procedure.

@Notonthestairs

my GP has said any further issues this year and she’ll give me the steroids.

You don’t say how old he is, but if he’s already got an ASD diagnosis, he’s far from newborn. So croup related hospital treatment twice a year is what - maybe 5 visits?

I’d say that’s worth a HV call and good to have in place. Another parent might have said, “actually I’m worried that there’s mould in the house making his croup worse” and the HV might have then signposted housing support services. Or another parent might have cried that they can’t cope with it, and been offered info on support. Some parents wouldn’t discuss that with the busy doctor in A&E, but would open up to a HV. They get a bad press on MN, but my husband’s late wife was a HV and he - obviously! - speaks very highly of the support she could give.

@BooksAndHooks

absolutely fine if she’d said that.

HV: Hello Mrs Goat, just wanted to see how little goat is doing after A&E on Monday.

Me: Much better thanks but still home unwell.

HV: Oh that’s a shame. Well, this is just a standard follow up - no nconcerns were raised or anything like that but just wanted you to know I’m here if you need a chat about his symptoms or help seeing a GP.

completely different and would both have understood the point of the call not felt frustrated.

But that’s not the point of my post, and it wasn’t the point of the call.
It sounded like you just argued with the HV’s terminology - which wasn’t going to help you if it was recorded incorrectly.
You could have said, “thanks for the call, I don’t need any extra support thank you. Could I check with you though - do you have that listed officially as an admission? It will impact his care plan if it’s been recorded incorrectly and I’ll need to speak to his GP if so.”

@Testina

he’s 4. He’s had 5 attendances since October 2019. Always the same pattern - snot, sneezing, cough, croup.

I have had excellent help from a different HV and do not think a follow up is useless or that HV aren’t useful - I’m talking about the conversation TODAY.