Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think ‘no’ and ‘not really’ are not the same bloody answer?

55 replies

Merryoldgoat · 29/04/2022 11:16

I’ve just had a conversation with a Health Visitor and ‘not really’ was the stock answer she had to my questions and it’s pissed me off.

My son has ASD and they’ve offered nothing, they get things wrong all the time.

I had to go to A&E with him on Monday as he had croup.

this was a follow up to that with absolutely zero purpose as far as I understand.

I think I’m just pissed off because they offer no help when you need it and when they can’t do anything they call.

OP posts:

lljkk · 29/04/2022 13:44

me: ok. What do you need to follow up? We’re there any concerns raised?
HV: Not really.

ah, well, see, you haven't defined terms.
Raised by who? What communication = "concern" ? How does something get raised? If those worse aren't defined, then the question would be answered differently by different people.

imho, "Not really" may have been appropriate answer, but still not answered what OP was trying to ask.

Rememberallball · 29/04/2022 13:45

What a ridiculous non conversation - and I’m not surprised it got to you when you’re already exhausted from dealing with an unwell child and don’t need inane conversations with no substance where the other person doesn’t appear to be in possession of the correct information and won’t answer a simple question with a straightforward yes/no!!

I hope he’s feeling better soon and the medical notes are correct regarding this A&E attendance!!

10HailMarys · 29/04/2022 13:47

Merryoldgoat · 29/04/2022 11:27

No of course not. Because I am so exhausted I didn’t put it in!! What a twit.

basically the conversation went like this:

HV: I understand DS was admitted to hospital

me: No, we attended A&E and were treated in 40 mins, and released so no admission.

HV: … oh, well as it’s amber and he was admitted we need to follow up

me: ok. What do you need to follow up? We’re there any concerns raised?

HV: Not really.

me: Ok, so what was raised?

HV: Nothing

me: so there aren’t any concerns

HV: Not really

me: Ok - either items were raised or they weren’t, no matter how small. We’re any concerns raised that you need to follow up?

HV: No.

me: so what exactly is this call for?

HV: we can offer you help at the clinic for his weight.

me: we’re any concerns raised about his weight?

HV: not really.

me: we’re there concerns?

HV: no.

Oh god, in that case, YANBU at all. I would have found that really annoying as well. She sounds genuinely quite thick.

Somethingsnappy · 29/04/2022 13:51

That is indeed extremely irritating. She was being vague, at a time when the appropriate response should be specific. It's about your child for goodness sake. You need explicit information, not vague, wishy-washy answers. YANBU.

JacquelineCarlyle · 29/04/2022 13:51

Princetopple · 29/04/2022 13:32

I would find that phone call infuriating and unhelpful. Not really is not the same as no. I like people to be clear and precise at all times but it's even more important when talking about something as serious as your child's health.

My husband uses not really to mean no. I hate it and find it very confusing. If I ask a question like, "were there any problems at work this evening?" and he answers with, "not really", then that means that something happened but was probably minor and not great but not necessarily a problem. It doesn't mean that there were no problems and everything ran smoothly, which is what he'll mean. I just don't get it. It's actually quicker and easier to say no so why do it??

I don't know why some previous posters are acting as though you are pedantic. If a health visitor called me and answered "not really" when I asked whether the hospital were concerned, I'd be really worried and wonder what nobody was telling me!

We might have the same husband - drives me crazy!

I understood the Ops frustration simply from the title, without needing any further detail as I have spent over 20 years saying 'if you mean no, please say no, as when you say not really, it makes me think there is something!!' with this phrase repeated ad nauseam! It is much better these days actually - think he might have actually got it now!

Flip

1 2 3