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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting starter and main together at restaurant

61 replies

TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 06:45

I was at a fairly upmarket restaurant last night when I was travelling by myself.

Restaurants don’t always fall over themselves when it’s a solo diner, but I was staying at the adjoined hotel, and I still need to eat - alone or not. It had great reviews.

They took a good 20 minutes to bring over my drink (wine, so not complicated!) despite others getting theirs in seconds. It was busy, but not overwhelmingly so, and I had a reservation.

I waited an hour for my starter, which fine, I wasn’t starving. Then they brought out my starter and main at the same time. There was barely room on the table. I was pretty shocked, and they just said ‘kitchen made a mistake’ and shrugged.

I wasn’t happy, so I ate the starter, and then left the stone cold (it was already quite cool when I received it. I could see it sitting on the service bench for a while) main and asked for the bill so I could leave. I was still expected to pay for the dish, despite taking half a bite to confirm it was cold. (It wasn’t a dish that could easily be reheated, and the side on it had congealed).

I did pay, but didn’t tip, because frankly I thought the service was poor (it’s a poor country, but this is not how service is done here even so!). But I feel a bit bad about it. AIBU to expect decent service even when dining alone? For what it’s worth, I would have tipped well, and I opted for quite (by local standards) expensive dishes.

OP posts:

Womencanlift · 29/04/2022 06:48

Never mind not paying the tip, I would t have paid for the meal after receiving service like that. Why on earth did you not say something about the wait and temperature of the food and say I am not paying for something I can’t eat?

spotcheck · 29/04/2022 06:49

I think you could have said something when they brought both out? You could have asked for them to keep your main warm while you ate your starter.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 29/04/2022 06:49

When you were brought your meal they told you the kitchen made a mistake, that was the point you should have asked for them to take the main away and bring you another one later.

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2022 06:49

I’m not sure why you think this was related to dining alone? I’ve never had an issue like this. It just sounds like really poor service. I would have sent the main back, complained and asked for a reduction on the bill.

ShirleyPhallus · 29/04/2022 06:51

Why on earth did you stand for this? So pointless to get crap service, accept it, pay for it then complain after.

You should have spoken up at the time and said “I’ll have my starter now, can you send this back to the kitchen please?” then told them it was cold when it came out.

MN is full of doormats who would be a lot happier about situations if they’d just mention what they’re unhappy with at the time.

liveforsummer · 29/04/2022 06:58

It was right to have paid for the meal today have ordered but I'd have sent the main back and asked for a fresh/hot one at the expected time

NumberTheory · 29/04/2022 06:59

YANBU not to tip at all unless the wait staff don’t earn a wage wherever you were. That was poor service. YABAbitU not to have spoken up about it.

Butfirstcoffees · 29/04/2022 07:00

Did you just expect them to knock it off automatically? Because you didn’t each much? At what point does that trigger? If a customer only eats half? A quarter?

if you didn’t want to pay for it you need to speak up.

I eat alone, when travelling all the time. It’s not something I experience. But of course there’s a certain level of service you should expect and you didn’t get it

DDivaStar · 29/04/2022 07:00

I wouldn't have accepted the main and starter at the same time if they were both hot and couldn't be eaten together. I would have asked for the main to be brought later or asked for one of them to be taken back and removed from the bill. It was their mistake.

Branleuse · 29/04/2022 07:01

Couldnt you have asked for the main to be kept warm ?
I wouldnt go back there again

ChocBloc · 29/04/2022 07:04

CherieBabySpliffUp · 29/04/2022 06:49

When you were brought your meal they told you the kitchen made a mistake, that was the point you should have asked for them to take the main away and bring you another one later.

Yes thay was the time to rectify it. Not moan about it later. I would have refused the starter and asked for it to be taken off the Bill and eaten the main personally just becuase the main is going to be the larger food waste if you rejected it.

ChocBloc · 29/04/2022 07:04

And its nothing to do with you dining alone

girlmom21 · 29/04/2022 07:07

If you didn't expect to pay for the main why didn't you tell them so? They're not just going to offer free food if you don't make the issue clear.

Original poster

TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 07:09

Quick update: I paid, but this morning the hotel manager (not waiter) gave me the money back for the meal last night when I just checked out - clearly word got back to her. Said it wasn’t okay and she was sorry.

I did complain at the time - I said it was too cold to eat and they should take it away. There was quite a language barrier (genuinely, it’s not a touristy country and many people speak no English - Albania) and for the sake of about £6, I couldn’t be arsed waiting around and frankly I just wanted to leave.

Honestly the thread was more about solo dining service than getting money back, because I noticed such a difference in my service compared to others. Or maybe it was being an outsider.

OP posts:

NotwhatIthoughtitwouldbe · 29/04/2022 07:11

You say it's a different, poorer country. Are they maybe not so stringent about a starter being served before a main there? From my experience living abroad in several Asian countries, we would often get a starter and main at the same time or very close in time to each other. A few times we got the starter at the end of the meal! This happened in Western, middle and upscale restaurants, although never in the very top-end ones. I think the concept is just not as embedded in the staff as such. It never bothered me - just one of those things about eating out in a different country.

I think if you had just asked, the problem would have been resolved. You accepted it and maybe they didn't quite get how much of a problem it would be?

ChocBloc · 29/04/2022 07:16

Given your latest update its even less unlikely it was because you dined alone. I think you are looking for confirmation bias.

Original poster

TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 07:23

ChocBloc · 29/04/2022 07:16

Given your latest update its even less unlikely it was because you dined alone. I think you are looking for confirmation bias.

Maybe it was just bad luck? But I was also refused a table at a nearly empty restaurant elsewhere, and when I tried to book for another day; they said they don’t sit ‘one people’ and I walked out feeling quite embarrassed. At another (fast food type place) I was huffed at and shoved in a corner when I asked for a table for one.

So it does feel a bit like eating alone isn’t considered totally ok here. It’s making me a bit self-conscious. I’ve eaten alone in a lot of countries and never really had this happen before. I do hope it’s bad luck as I have another week here and I’d like to have some good meals :)

Maybe an Albanian might pop up and shed some more light on it.

OP posts:

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 29/04/2022 07:26

OP, no offence, but grow some balls (ovaries?). Why on earth didn't you complain at the time?

Snowiscold · 29/04/2022 07:29

Why on earth didn’t you say you were in Albania in your post?

PurpleDaisies · 29/04/2022 07:30

So this is really about language barriers and possible cultural difference?

cigarettesNalcohol · 29/04/2022 07:33

Errrrr I wouldn't have paid for the main. Surprised you're worried about not having left a tip tbh.

5foot5 · 29/04/2022 07:35

I have read that Albania is still a very secist country with women expected to conform to traditional gender roles. If you are a woman then maybe the reaction you are getting in restaurants is due to a disapproval of women being out aline

maddy68 · 29/04/2022 07:36

Is this in the uk?
In my country food comes together unless I ask for premero and then secondo as it's more a sharing culture
You have to me quite clear of you want them in order

Florenz · 29/04/2022 07:48

An upmarket hotel will cater to an international clientele and will be aware of starters and main courses.

ChocBloc · 29/04/2022 07:49

Well yes those examples are discrimination due to being on your own.

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