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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting starter and main together at restaurant

61 replies

TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 06:45

I was at a fairly upmarket restaurant last night when I was travelling by myself.

Restaurants don’t always fall over themselves when it’s a solo diner, but I was staying at the adjoined hotel, and I still need to eat - alone or not. It had great reviews.

They took a good 20 minutes to bring over my drink (wine, so not complicated!) despite others getting theirs in seconds. It was busy, but not overwhelmingly so, and I had a reservation.

I waited an hour for my starter, which fine, I wasn’t starving. Then they brought out my starter and main at the same time. There was barely room on the table. I was pretty shocked, and they just said ‘kitchen made a mistake’ and shrugged.

I wasn’t happy, so I ate the starter, and then left the stone cold (it was already quite cool when I received it. I could see it sitting on the service bench for a while) main and asked for the bill so I could leave. I was still expected to pay for the dish, despite taking half a bite to confirm it was cold. (It wasn’t a dish that could easily be reheated, and the side on it had congealed).

I did pay, but didn’t tip, because frankly I thought the service was poor (it’s a poor country, but this is not how service is done here even so!). But I feel a bit bad about it. AIBU to expect decent service even when dining alone? For what it’s worth, I would have tipped well, and I opted for quite (by local standards) expensive dishes.

OP posts:
pixie5121 · 29/04/2022 16:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 29/04/2022 16:20

I voted YABU as you should have complained and had the cost of your main taken off.

notacooldad · 29/04/2022 16:41

OP Which restaurant was it. If it's an up market one my cousins and other relatives in Albania are likely to know it.

Original poster
TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 18:40

notacooldad · 29/04/2022 16:41

OP Which restaurant was it. If it's an up market one my cousins and other relatives in Albania are likely to know it.

I’ll DM you!

OP posts:
Original poster
TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 18:42

One more thing to add: In the U.K. or the country I live in, I’d have zero issue complaining. But when you’re staying solo as a woman in the hotel adjoined to the restaurant, and you’re refusing to pay, after they already ignored your complaint - and it’s a country known for being gun-happy and a little backwards when it comes to women - I don’t entirely have the guts. I’m glad you do!

OP posts:
Original poster
TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 18:45

WhoppingBigBackside · 29/04/2022 15:06

Dining alone is pretty rubbish. No unusual to be declined at the door or to be given the worst table.

Rubbish as in people shouldn’t do it for the restaurant’s sake, or rubbish as in you’re more likely to have a bad experience?

OP posts:
Original poster
TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 18:46

Final comment of the day! I went to a place next to my hotel, and the owner was an absolute joy. I apologised upfront for being alone, he said he just wanted me to be happy and eat good food. He took 10 minutes to go over the menu in detail, did a half portion on a dish for me, and gave me a complimentary shot after.

I nearly felt like crying for the kindness. Obviously I tipped well and will leave an amazing review.

It really does make a difference to be treated kindly.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 29/04/2022 18:47

TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 18:42

One more thing to add: In the U.K. or the country I live in, I’d have zero issue complaining. But when you’re staying solo as a woman in the hotel adjoined to the restaurant, and you’re refusing to pay, after they already ignored your complaint - and it’s a country known for being gun-happy and a little backwards when it comes to women - I don’t entirely have the guts. I’m glad you do!

To be fair most people only said you should've refused to pay before you told us which country it was and the language barrier issue

Tania64 · 29/04/2022 18:47

Firstly ask for a table for 2 - say that a friend will be joining you shortly. When they ask you where your friend has got to tell them that they have just texted you to say that they have been held up / may not be able to make it after all. Secondly - order a starter only & then when they bring you your starter tell them what you would like for your main course.

BodenseeBoden · 29/04/2022 19:06

TonkaBean22 · 29/04/2022 18:42

One more thing to add: In the U.K. or the country I live in, I’d have zero issue complaining. But when you’re staying solo as a woman in the hotel adjoined to the restaurant, and you’re refusing to pay, after they already ignored your complaint - and it’s a country known for being gun-happy and a little backwards when it comes to women - I don’t entirely have the guts. I’m glad you do!

I agreed with you until this comment.

I've been to Albania many times, and haven't seen a single person carrying a gun, or felt threatened in any way, especially in Tirana (maybe some small villages in the middle of nowhere, but you've been in the capital city, so this comment sounds a bit odd to me).

That said, it is a poor country, and people are struggling financially, so they wouldn't waste food as easily as most Europeans/Americans, which might explain their attitude.

SmugOldBag · 01/05/2022 07:49

Tania64 · 29/04/2022 18:47

Firstly ask for a table for 2 - say that a friend will be joining you shortly. When they ask you where your friend has got to tell them that they have just texted you to say that they have been held up / may not be able to make it after all. Secondly - order a starter only & then when they bring you your starter tell them what you would like for your main course.

Yes but as most people have agreed getting your starter and main course together is unacceptable in any restaurant. Making it your policy to order a starter only then a main course to avoid a non problem is a little weird. Just send it back (if not in Albania) but the waiter would surely realise there's been a fuck up anyway

Furthermore, if they have decided a lone woman is some kind of issue then ordering a starter only to is likely to make you even more of a 'problem'.

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