To not put money in work collection?

[Plantpot45]

Honestly there are about 2 or 3 per month with people leaving going on maternity leave retiring etc. The going rate is a tenner. If it is someone I know well and work closely with I always put money in but this current person I’ve never even met face to face. Only via messaging and on virtual meetings. I wouldn’t know her if I saw her in the street! So why everyone is putting the pressure on to contribute? Problem is most of my other colleagues do know her, and so it’s more what they will think if I don’t contribute? I’ll be honest, I also really can’t afford it at the moment so find it hard to justify to my husband who puts in the lions share of the money in our house. So Aibu?

Just say no. It is on the news almost daily about people struggling financially at the moment. There is no way I would be paying out £30 per month, like a pp says they are doing, madness.

I remember at an ex workplace a colleague was hospitalised with pneumonia. There was a big collection and they were sent flowers and card etc. About 6 months later I was hospitalised with pneumonia, no card, just a telling off for having been off too much. I'd been on oxygen and couldn't even sit upright. Fuckers

I tend to just chuck a couple of quid into the envelope- ours our anonymous contributions & like you at the moment loads of people leaving. £10 is far too much. No way should there be an obligatory amount.

I've only ever done it for my immediate team. My old office were really good actually. There was about 60 people and a card would go round for everyone's birthday but a collection envelope would only accompany it if your birthday had a zero at the end, you were getting married/having a baby/leaving. In those instances, I only donated if I knew the person well.

Off topic, but did the card go round or was it a woman doing it all?

YANBU. There should be no such thing anymore especially with so many people struggling. I would politely refuse and say I don't know the person. I would also put a proposal forward that a card is sufficient, in future. It's not fair to be pressurising people for cash.

I think you should just say I can't afford it... they can't argue with that

I used to dread the envelope coming round in my twenties as I was so desperately skint, I was secretly stealing milk and toilet rolls from work. The pressure was huge - two people standing over you in front of everybody else, glaring and then writing 'To Pay - MOONCUP' on the envelope if I didn't have a fiver on me and in one case telling me not to bother if it wasn't a note as I pulled the handful of change out that was actually all I had for the next three days.

Fortunately, that display of arseholeness gave me the final push to say 'Well, OK, then, I won't fucking bother'.

Since I got older/discovered my spine, I'm now in a position where I will publicly say I think it's wrong to put pressure on people because nobody knows other's personal circumstances. I've also refused to contribute to a refreshments fund that was painted as compulsory - no, I am not paying for other people's milk, sugar, snacks and pizzas when they never, ever try to cater for any dietary, religious or health needs.

My current work has a scheme where you can choose to donate once a year and it's kept completely confidential - you're not approached personally, nobody puts further pressure on you, if they're running low on funds, they email a generic 'would anybody who hasn't contributed consider making one if they are able' to everybody so there's no identifying who has chipped in and it's the most responsible and unintrusive way of doing it.

Ignore the emails.

If you are chased directly, reply "Thank you for the reminder, but I won't be contributing".

Don't explain or apologise.

I think you should just say I can't afford it... they can't argue with that

The problem is that they often will, though. A lot of people who don't appreciate their privilege equate 'can't afford it' with 'would rather keep my money to spend on nice treats for me' - as (ironically) that's exactly what they use it to mean when it suits them.

"Don't be mean, it's only a tenner!" Just plain tone-deaf, some people.

Obviously you should be giving if you don't know the person well enough or don't have the money.

However why do you have to justify your expenditure to your husband? Does he similarly explain his own smaller items of spending to you?

I’m starting to feel like this.

£10 here and there adds up.

I got paid yesterday and after I’ve taken out bills, food and other essentials I’m left with about £50.

Now my work want money to send a colleague flowers after an injury (she fell down whilst walking around on a moving bus) and other staff keep saying we need to do more fundraising.

I CANNOT AFFORD IT.

My money NEEDS to stay in my household right now. I’m all for helping people but right now I really can’t.

Fundraising? It's not fundraising is it. Just don't do it @TheLightSideOfTheMoon you don't have to divulge financial situation. I have a bit of a blanket rule that I don't get involved, and I certainly don't expect anything. Like tipping, just dont do it.

My firm arranges for cakes for birthdays / flowers for birthdays / weddings etc and usually a voucher for mat leave.

The fundraising is for other stuff.

Shit like wear your pyjamas to work for a day and give £2 to x charity.

The charities are always bullshit. Last time is was to raise funds for a local couple to buy a new sofa. On our local FB people give them away free constantly.

Also, my work has no dress code. Very casual jeans and trainers job. Wearing pyjamas isn’t much of a change.

Stuff like this annoys me.

I approach this with my usual bizarre economically judgmental attitude.

• if the person leaving/getting married/having a baby is young, I usually give a money. They can likely do with a little boost.

if the person can actually afford to retire*, I don’t bother 😂

I myself wouldn’t want vouchers or something partially funded by younger people on top of knowing I’m nicking their future income through the state pension Ponzi scheme.

You're not being unreasonable.

This has always happened in my office too.

I don't mind when it's a friend/close colleague but I'm not putting in for every Tom, Dick and Harry in the offices's wedding/birthday/maternity/retirement etc.

On this note I always remember my previous workplace only did collections for executives who were leaving, never for the ‘ground floor’ workers.

One time we were asked to contribute something for a director leaving in the London office, who we had no real relationship with - whilst nothing was being arranged for an engineer in our own office who was leaving at the same time!

Of course not! If it's someone you're fond of and you have spare cash, put in a collection, if not, don't.

I was badgered (I only recall this because it annoyed me so much) with over five emails last year for a collection for someone I'd never met, communicated with or even heard of. I ended up sending an email to the collector saying I didn't know the person so no need to continue to send me emails.

We've got one going round at the moment, for a male colleague whose WIFE is having a baby. She doesn't work here, non of us know her. Needless to say I won't be putting any money in

As long as you are consistent in when you contribute and when not, then just say no. So if it's only for maternity leave but nothing else, fair enough.

I agree - although luckily my work are very clear these things are voluntary and wouldn't chase you.

But it's still a bit of pressure. I didn't mind so much when it was envelopes handed around and you could slip some coins in and no one would know how much you gave - but now it's online so if you just donate one pound the organiser will be able to see. I have donated recently when its been someone I knew well but most of the time I haven't (although I think I forgot last time I meant to). I suppose I could afford it but am also not rolling in money.

I did feel especially put out when an email came round asking for collection for someone who earns at least 5 times more than me. I thought it was off/tone deaf to even ask junior staff. Was happy to sign the card but sure the former colleague didn't need my money.

I told everyone I would no longer be donating unless I have met & have had personal interactions with that person. I also said I would not sign their card as I hadn’t donated so didn’t “deserve” to be included for that either.
Worked for me and no one minded. It had gotten ridiculous!
Stand your ground. Pick & choose who you donate for.
I also stopped going to the office Christmas party. I had no desire to sit with colleagues getting drunk & be polite and false-friendly with colleagues I didn’t like. You only have to do it once & colleagues soon get used to it.

I've literally saved over £100 since I stopped putting into other people's collections. If it's someone I'm close to then I'll buy my own gift if not then I wish you well but I'm not paying.

@FooFighter99 Is the colleagues wifes baby not his? Otherwise isnt it a collection for his baby?

Retired now, but my last mantra was ' I'm sorting it out directly, but thanks.'

People I knew got a nice card, people I knew and liked got a nice card and a small, personal gift.

The rest were ignored

When I retired there were messages on my card from people I had never met, so their heartfelt messages meant nothing.

I did get a wonderful gift, but the best one came direct from my P.A. and cost somewhere around a fiver - but it was personal, and meant something to me.

OP - resist. Just say no😁