To not put money in work collection?

[Plantpot45]

Honestly there are about 2 or 3 per month with people leaving going on maternity leave retiring etc. The going rate is a tenner. If it is someone I know well and work closely with I always put money in but this current person I’ve never even met face to face. Only via messaging and on virtual meetings. I wouldn’t know her if I saw her in the street! So why everyone is putting the pressure on to contribute? Problem is most of my other colleagues do know her, and so it’s more what they will think if I don’t contribute? I’ll be honest, I also really can’t afford it at the moment so find it hard to justify to my husband who puts in the lions share of the money in our house. So Aibu?

My rule was always £1 for a close colleague, 50p for a regular colleague, and nothing if I've never spoken to them when I was working in larger organisations. And I stuck with that rule for a long time and it worked well for me to have a known amount for such collections. I can't ever imagine being expected to put in £10 - feels like CF territory.

Now I'm in a small team of 7 and there haven't been many collections at all. We did do a gift recently for a junior who passed their professional exams. It was £4 each but this was agreed in advance.
It's the only collection I have given to in the past year which I am grateful for, as I can see how difficult it would be since you cannot give anonymously into an envelope in cash any longer as easily.

I haven't contributed to anything for a couple of years. One team had contributions for every single thing and some people had engagement, wedding, newborn presents.

I was off sick for 7 months and didnt even get a card.

If I'm close to someone I buy them something separately.

It is madness when everything is so expensive this continues. Tell them no!

I HATE this! People just can't afford it in today's world. So far this year at work I have put in for a wedding (and a 2nd wedding) with no invites /4 birthdays/2 engagements/a baby shower present and 😬 followed by a collection for the birth of the baby.. Its getting too much! My next years resolution is to say no more! I don't want any birthday gifts and I am not putting into anything else, I am just buying a card for each birthday and special occasion etc! .. The suggested amount is 10+ pounds for each collection....

I dont bother unless its one of the seven or eight people I speak to and work with regularly or sit near.

At one place I worked 10 years ago or so we had a specific budget for this - the director's PA was in charge and she bought card + circulated it then Director gave present and card at end of day presentation. It was very civilised! But this did rely on the PA and also it relied on everyone being happy to give details of their birthday/ special event (I didnt really think anthing of it as I was asked my birthday on my first day but I know some people objected).

We stopped birthday collections unless milestone birthdays as it was getting ridiculous. £10 is a joke, Most people put a couple of quid in for the majority of collections. The way I do it is:

• don’t really know/don’t like 50p


• known, don’t really deal with often, like £1


• known, deal with regularly, like £2


• like a lot £5


• more than colleague, friends £0 for collection, buy my own gift for them.

I was upfront with this and simply said I wasn't doing any donations and wouldn't expect any for me. No one minded at all and quite a few people do the same thing now.
I bring in cakes or buy a round of drink if it's my birthday.

out of interest
when it was your birthday, what the heck did you revive if everyone puts inatenner?!

So others have complained?

Just be honest and say you can't afford it.
A few years back, over the space of about a year, 3 long term colleagues left my place of work. As the supervisor i would organise a collection for a gift of flowers, chocolates or wine etc. One pound off all the colleagues would suffice for a nice little gift.

First one raised about 15 quid and everyone signed the card
Fast forward to the 2nd one.
Raised 8 quid and still everyone signed the card.last one I was a bit frustrated and just said look if you want to sign the card from the team can you just put one pound in, otherwise buy your own card (yes i got my arse handed to me for this) Collection raised the grand total of £1.50

I was so embarrassed I just bought a gift myself and signed a card from "the team"(of 40 plus colleagues) 🤬🤬

Side note, my workplace did a collection for me before I went off on maternity. the value was £40 on a gift card so I didn't feel too guilty as that amounted to around £2 each. I really appreciated it but didn't expect it. I still have the card as that was the most touching part of the gift.
A lot of the time, work places have budgets for these sort of gifts- my work sends a new baby hamper for instance.

YANBU. Though admittedly I sent one of these round today for a colleague going on mat leave! But close colleagues only, online card to sign (that I paid for myself) and online collection pot link below in case they want to. You don’t see how much individuals have given on this one, and I was clear no obligation.

Just don't. No explanations, no excuses, just don't.

I was asked to put money in for someone who was leaving my company. I had never worked with him. He might have heard my name but wouldn't have known me by sight and we'd had one conversation in all the time he had been there. I refused. We'd had a spate of people leaving before that and I had purchased presents and cards off my own back.

You just have to say no. It doesn't matter what stone else thinks.

*anyone else thinks even

I don’t donate to maternity collections anymore as struggling with infertility and multiple losses and I resent giving pregnant women gifts when they already have so much. I avoid them where possible in any event, can’t bear the sight of them tbh.

I’ve just left a job like this, multiple collections each month and group chats were made so everyone could see who had contributed, at £5 each time it was costing so much. £10 is way too much! In my new job we put in £1-£2 which is so much better. I would just explain you don’t know them and haven’t met them

That’s totally understandable.

My last workplace had a rule that no one could force or coerce anyone for donations, it had to be clear it was totally voluntary. Luckily they used to ask you to put money in an envelope and at times I pretended to drop money in if I didn't like the individual.

Would you have expected someone going through that trauma to return collection money? FFS.

I used to work in a team that sat in a large open plan office with other teams and we were included in the collections for significant events; milestone birthdays, weddings and new babies. Because of the number of people in the office, they’d generate circa £100.

one member of the team had all three significant events within a couple of years, and as I was the assistant in the team, I organised the gifts and he was very grateful. He never expected so much, but he really did benefit greatly from the office tradition.

it was always me who organised collections and selected gifts, and so I was looking forward to my milestone 30th birthday coming up so I could finally enjoy my turn of receiving a gift and card.

But, our team changed floors and collections stopped, and so for my birthday, there was no one to organise anything and so nothing was done. I was gutted that after all the times I’d spent the time recognising other peoples big days, nobody did for mine.

I stopped doing, and contributing to any collections from then on. Much easier!

Surely if it was actual cash @GiraffesInScarfs then yes?

a gift, then absolutely not

Thankyou all for your responses. It would appear I am definitely not unreasonable to not put money into this. I’m going to ignore and then if asked explain why. I don’t want anything if I leave I certainly don’t expect it. It’s lovely and all but I don’t want people having to donate money they don’t really have. There are some people that have absolutely nothing and are living hand to mouth so this behaviour is really wrong and I think personally should just be scrapped. Way too many people have left lately and it’s getting too much.

We usually don’t give anything for birthdays unless it’s a big one but In my last job I got maternity presents twice. I was frankly shocked as it seemed really extravagant but it was lovely and all I just felt a bit awkward that someone might have struggled to put something in for me. Especially people who were struggling to conceive so I can understand pp viewpoint on that and think it must have made you feel rubbish.

So no contributions for birthday
but 2-3 a month retiring, maternity or leaving?

bloomin heck that much mean a high turnover of staff

I doubt it would even occur to them going through that. And nobody normal would expect that, how cruel.

We have a fund. You only pay 10 quid a year, and there is a list of what gets you a present. Wedding, round birthday, baby etc. You only get a present if youve paid in.