To blame my Dad for a lot of issues..

[roseii]

So my parents are still together, I had a stable upbringing (99.9% of the time) and I felt happy as a child.

My mum is very loving and was always there for me when I was young, gave lots of affection and support whenever needed.

My dad on the other hand, was always kind to me, never shouted at me or did anything really 'wrong'. But he was very absent in terms of emotional support, he didn't really hug me or tell me he loves me very much. He rarely called me 'beautiful' or 'amazing' the words I'd 100% expect my dp to use with our daughter. He made it difficult sometimes to feel relaxed at home as he used to be unimpressed with mess or noise (just general things that happen in everyday life).

I left home young and have always sort affection from men and did a lot of things in my teenage life that I hope my dd won't. I struggle with giving or receiving affection from anyone except my dd. I find it awkward if my partner calls me beautiful and I find displaying affection to my dp really difficult.

There's a million more things to this story, but the older I get the more I wonder whether my dad played a big part in my struggle now.. or whether it's just me as a person!

Can anyone relate?

I think some of the comments/terms like psychobabble, over use of therapy, pompous amount of introspection, touchy-feely nonsense, people should just stop it and get on with their lives and turn to something more productive are suggesting a level of self indulgence and some are very dismissive.

I certainly heard some of these things and similar other comments from my parents, as did my brother when we were both seeing a therapist/counsellor. A close friend of mine is a therapist and she said that many of her patients have received comments like these in the past which has delayed them getting help or to feelings of shame.

My parents messed me up in some ways and I’m sure my son will say I’ve messed him up in some ways when he is older too. I’ve accepted this.

I think I’d have to solve world hunger for my dad to call me amazing!
that’s his way though- db and I know he loves us through other things.

what struck me about your description of him and the description of your issues is how similar the personalities described. I do wonder if this is nature taking precedence rover nurture.

I would describe my childhood as great, but not sure I was ever called amazing or beautiful. My parents wouldn’t have been that effusive with their emotions, and actually it would seem over the top to me in a way- they didn’t love me because I was amazing or beautiful, they just loved me for being my very ordinary self!

I don't think it ever crossed either of my parents may ND's that they were expected to be affectionate to me as a child. They fed, dressed, and sheltered me. They took me out and bought me small Christmas presents.

If I called them out now on the emotional abuse and emotional neglect they would be offended and flabbergasted. They weren't realised like that and didn't have online telling them how to parent.

Parenting wasn't a thing then. People just had DC's but got on with their lives esp men.

But it does cause trauma later on.

Perhaps you weren't "amazing" though? Perhaps, for your DF, you were a daughter he loved to the moon and back, and that's enough. Sometimes love doesn't need superlatives or even articulating in order to be both authentic, and felt.