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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send money to a Moroccan taxi driver

554 replies

Autumnterm · 26/04/2022 16:08

Back in 2018 I went to Marrakech on holiday with my son. I can’t remember exactly how but I ended up getting the phone number of a friendly local taxi driver who took us from A to B several times. When we went back the following year we used him for our airport transfers both ways.

Since Feb 2020 we haven’t travelled abroad anywhere but I would occasionally get a text from him saying hello or how are you, to which I would respond hello/salaam/labas and that was that. I didn’t think much about it except that he was checking in just in case I was headed to Morocco and was tempted to use another taxi driver....and I did at one point recommend him to a relative going there but their trip was recently cancelled due to COVID.

Anyway cut forward to this week. He texted again and said hello my dear friend how are you and your family, and I responded as usual.

But this time he went on to say that life is hard for him, he has had no work due to the collapse in tourism and as a result he cannot pay for his kids to go to school. He sent me a picture of them - a boy and a girl, they look to be about 3 and 5 years old so I presume he means nursery school.

Stupidly (maybe) I asked how much was school and he said €90.

He has since sent me several texts asking if i will help pay for his kids to go to school. His English is not perfect but it sounds like he wants €30 a month for three months and he says in return if/when we go back he will drive us anywhere we want.

On one hand I know that Marrakech is one of the scam cities of the universe (lots of the people who run investment scams targeting UK pensioners are actually based there). I have no way of knowing if the kids in the photo he has sent me are really his and if there really is a charge to go to school and if he really has no work.

On the other hand €30 is affordable for me and I genuinely do feel sorry for people who rely on tourist revenue who have had a very hard time of it over the last two years. Morocco is open for tourists now but it was locked down for the whole 2020 season and some of 2021.

Would I BU to send him some €?

OP posts:
Ratrick · 28/04/2022 16:59

And just to add, it’s actually men who make up the majority of victims of scams, including romance scams. So no, it is not always men contacting women.

inews.co.uk/news/technology/men-romance-scams-women-online-money-tricking-identity-theft-868728

JinglingHellsBells · 28/04/2022 17:21

Ratrick · 28/04/2022 16:59

And just to add, it’s actually men who make up the majority of victims of scams, including romance scams. So no, it is not always men contacting women.

inews.co.uk/news/technology/men-romance-scams-women-online-money-tricking-identity-theft-868728

@Ratrick Can I suggest that you re-read the whole of that feature you linked to? Because it's not what you said! It does say that men are more likely to be victims in 'romance scams' but if you read on, it's women who are the majority of targeted fraud. And the OP's scenario would be targeted fraud as they didn't meet on an online dating site.

JinglingHellsBells · 28/04/2022 17:28

I completely agree with '@AchatAVendre I wonder if you are a therapist? Or you are familiar at least with 'therapy speak' as you mention what you have 'noticed' and also discuss boundaries a lot.

It IS odd that a woman in her 30s, 40s or 50s, is so taken with this man who is a taxi driver and she has kept up some kind of contact after having a few lifts in his taxi.

And I don't understand the point of your thread at all @Autumnterm

Never ONCE have you agreed with any posters who say you ought to be wary and not get involved further.

So please- even if it's your very last post here, can you explain what you hoped to get out of your thread?

You asked a question to which you had already decided the answer.

If you were so certain, as a mature woman earning her own money and determined to spend it/ give it away to whoever, why did you ask?

It appears you were looking for approval and a pat on the back (but you appeared to have doubts, hence the post.)

All rather odd.

You aren't a scammer researching women's behaviour are you?

guerrillagirl · 28/04/2022 17:49

i agree with jingling. It’s a weird relationship - he is basically a random man you hardly know who lives really far away and you’re handing away money to him?

MissPolliezDolly · 28/04/2022 19:10

It IS odd that a woman in her 30s, 40s or 50s, is so taken with this man who is a taxi driver and she has kept up some kind of contact

There’s nothing odd about it at all.

you live with your mind in the gutter and the OP doesn’t. It really is that simple.

MissPolliezDolly · 28/04/2022 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

I couldn’t agree more with your replies

Original poster
Autumnterm · 28/04/2022 19:28

@JinglingHellsBells

If you are into therapy, I think you need to lie down in a quiet room and ask yourself why you are feeling persistently aggressive about this.

I have explained my reasons for posting earlier in the thread: @RTFT.

If you read the OP, I have always been well aware and concerned about the possibility of a scam. I have read everyone’s subsequent posts carefully, including those who say it’s a scam and I am mad/stupid/ignorant/gullible/a virtue signaller. It’s true I haven’t agreed with those, but then I usually find that insulting people is not the best way to convince them to do what you want them to do.
I’ve also noticed that some of the most aggressive and disbelieving people seem the most ignorant about the country we are discussing and have no relevant facts to add to the discourse. Whereas other people have politely contributed some useful insight and information from this country and other developing countries of which I was unaware, and has actually persuaded me to take a decision I was genuinely unsure about at first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Autumnterm · 28/04/2022 19:46

for @MsDemeanors and all others in the 22% who thought it would not BU...

(rest of you cover your eyes/ears now )

This afternoon I asked the taxi driver if he would send me a photo of his kids at pick up from their first day back at school.

And he did. I won’t post it here because of their privacy, but it’s the same two little kids, but with their school backpacks on, outside what is clearly a school with parents and kids milling about. They are holding hands and even though they have tiny face coverings just about on, looking absolutely delighted.

I wish every four and five year old in the UK (including my own DC) was this excited about the opportunity to go to school - it really makes you think about what we have.

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 28/04/2022 19:51

I didn't say I was into therapy OP, I asked another poster if she was.

And I've not insulted you. I have disagreed with what you chose to do and have asked what you wanted to get out of your thread, given you seem touchy with anyone who disagreed with you- the 78% here.
Being blunt is not the same as being aggressive.

The most important thing is you are now happy with your choice.

Have a lovely evening.

Ratrick · 28/04/2022 20:13

JinglingHellsBells · 28/04/2022 17:21

@Ratrick Can I suggest that you re-read the whole of that feature you linked to? Because it's not what you said! It does say that men are more likely to be victims in 'romance scams' but if you read on, it's women who are the majority of targeted fraud. And the OP's scenario would be targeted fraud as they didn't meet on an online dating site.

Show quote history

The article is not especially clear but I think you have the wrong end of the stick too. All of the numbers quoted relate to romance fraud - but while the study found that men are more likely to be the victims, women make up the majority of those actually filing reports.

Ratrick · 28/04/2022 20:18

Autumnterm · 28/04/2022 19:46

for @MsDemeanors and all others in the 22% who thought it would not BU...

(rest of you cover your eyes/ears now )

This afternoon I asked the taxi driver if he would send me a photo of his kids at pick up from their first day back at school.

And he did. I won’t post it here because of their privacy, but it’s the same two little kids, but with their school backpacks on, outside what is clearly a school with parents and kids milling about. They are holding hands and even though they have tiny face coverings just about on, looking absolutely delighted.

I wish every four and five year old in the UK (including my own DC) was this excited about the opportunity to go to school - it really makes you think about what we have.

Ah how lovely! I’m sure the cynicism will continue but I’d be feeling pretty good if I were you!

Norush4 · 28/04/2022 20:20

I think the man could be genuine OP if he has never asked before however my main gripe is. If you give him the money... he will surely ask again? Where do you draw the line?

If your not sure it's him don't bother either!

impossible · 28/04/2022 20:47

Job well done I'd say OP.

Kanaloa · 28/04/2022 20:56

impossible · 28/04/2022 20:47

Job well done I'd say OP.

Is it? Paying for one payment of a child’s preschool and enjoying the little charity pictures of the poor children delighted to be at school doesn’t really help long term. What happens next term? OP said she won’t be paying it again, but who will?

Ratrick · 28/04/2022 21:01

Kanaloa · 28/04/2022 20:56

Is it? Paying for one payment of a child’s preschool and enjoying the little charity pictures of the poor children delighted to be at school doesn’t really help long term. What happens next term? OP said she won’t be paying it again, but who will?

Show quote history

Presumably their parents, as had previously been the case, now that Morocco is open for tourism again.

Horcruxe · 28/04/2022 21:04

I've read all your posts op.

I think you've done the right thing.

I think if I was in the same position I'd probably do the same. In the end heart wins over head. You really have no way of knowing the truth, but you're able to protect yourself, and if the requests continue and you're not happy you know what to do.

I think when you've built up a relationship like this it is especially difficult.

Urbansprawlmountains · 28/04/2022 21:34

What a rollercoaster of a thread.

pixie5121 · 28/04/2022 21:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

pixie5121 · 28/04/2022 21:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

MapleMay11 · 28/04/2022 22:05

Autumnterm · 28/04/2022 19:46

for @MsDemeanors and all others in the 22% who thought it would not BU...

(rest of you cover your eyes/ears now )

This afternoon I asked the taxi driver if he would send me a photo of his kids at pick up from their first day back at school.

And he did. I won’t post it here because of their privacy, but it’s the same two little kids, but with their school backpacks on, outside what is clearly a school with parents and kids milling about. They are holding hands and even though they have tiny face coverings just about on, looking absolutely delighted.

I wish every four and five year old in the UK (including my own DC) was this excited about the opportunity to go to school - it really makes you think about what we have.

How lovely to read this update - thank you for sharing this, OP. Your kindness has made a huge difference to the lives of these children.

HeyItsPickleRick · 28/04/2022 22:16

FWIW I'm half north African and from what I know of my dad's home country the story is sadly feasible.

You don't miss the money, it made you feel warm and fuzzy...eh. I've probably given money that's been spent unwisely in the past but I have enough myself so I don't get worked up about it. Some MNers get unreasonably het up about this stuff. If he keeps hitting you up, proposes marriage or tells you he needs £x,000 to release an inheritance then fair enough but £100 is less than a nice dinner out for two and not a big deal for most net contributors.

Nelliephant1 · 28/04/2022 22:38

I would give it in good faith. Whatever he uses it for is none of my business once it's given.

Booklover3 · 29/04/2022 00:34

I’m delighted about your update OP. That’s fabulous news!

BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 29/04/2022 01:53

Autumnterm · 28/04/2022 19:46

for @MsDemeanors and all others in the 22% who thought it would not BU...

(rest of you cover your eyes/ears now )

This afternoon I asked the taxi driver if he would send me a photo of his kids at pick up from their first day back at school.

And he did. I won’t post it here because of their privacy, but it’s the same two little kids, but with their school backpacks on, outside what is clearly a school with parents and kids milling about. They are holding hands and even though they have tiny face coverings just about on, looking absolutely delighted.

I wish every four and five year old in the UK (including my own DC) was this excited about the opportunity to go to school - it really makes you think about what we have.

This is really lovely news. Good on you 💓

Sawadeekaka · 29/04/2022 03:54

AProperStinging · 27/04/2022 08:58

Oh and @Sawadeekaka several of the wealthiest people I know work for big name charities such as unicef and water aid. I don't need an auditor to tell me that any amount I can donate is funding their children's school fees and their jollies around the world with celebrities. Sod that.

@AProperStinging
Auditors have a purpose. They're only going to make sure the money is being spent as it should be.
Large sums of money in a charity = efficiencies of scale but you can't do that without overheads as well. Unicef and Water aid are global and are very large organizations. No idea who you are referring to and how wealthy they are and how much is from their salary but the person running such organizations should be top of their field to make sure the charity is delivering as it should. UN agencies like UNICEF are pretty inefficient in some ways but they have advantages that others don't due to how they are managed, such as access to Government officials in the recipient countries, ability to influence policy and leverage national resources. It's these kind of interventions which can lead to sustainable change in accordance with national (rather than donor) priorities. I'd imagine that the head of a UNICEF country office in Sudan, engaging with government officials to, say, support and improve implementation of a nationwide child immunization (which will save many many lives) might need to send his or her kids to a private school rather than local Sudanese one. Is this bad? Should there not be a UNICEF country office in Sudan? You can't get qualified local staff to fill all the positions and you're not going to get the best international staff if you expect them to send their kids to Sudanese schools. Your taxes pay for the school fees of military personnel and civil servants deployed abroad for the exact same reason.

Personally I don't like all the celebrity ambassadors but if they raise awareness and increase donations (and give their own time for free), shouldn't a staff member accompany them to do so? I don't think a visit to Sudan is a 'jolly'.

Looking at salaries, overheads - it's a knee-jerk reaction and really quite Daily Mail. As though charities need to be on the bare bones of their asses and doing things with no overheads is a positive. It's not. Small charities do a lot of good work, large charities do a lot of good work. What makes a charity good or bad is not the overheards or the salaries being paid but the work that they do. Not having ANY overheads is not a positive but a cause for concern.