To report my friend for pet neglect?

[loveoflavender]

Please don’t be rude in responses. I feel
awdul enough as it is but I just couldn’t take any more.
I have known my friend for approx 13 years, and in that time she has owned many animals (cats and dogs mostly, but there have also been hamsters and Guinea pigs, now a tortoise!)
At present she owns 3 cats, a chihuahua and the aforementioned tortoise. She lives in a 1 bed housing association flat where I know for a fact she is not allowed to keep these animals as per their rules. But in her last two residences, she ignored that then, too! Not only that, but I am sorry to say she is absolutely hopeless at looking after these animals.
She lives with her partner and their 1 year old daughter (whom I feel awful saying she is not exactly capable of caring for her either; her partner does quite literally everything, and their child is out of control. But that’s another issue. Social Services are already involved there.)
In regards to these animals, she:

• Leaves them unattended for 2-4 days at a time whilst they (she, her partner and their daughter) go off to stay with friends. This is AT LEAST once a week. When I asked who is looking after the animals in that time, she said “no one.” Like me asking was a stupid question!? I asked “well do you come back to feed them?” And again she said no; she leaves a bowl of biscuits down for them, and a bowl of water. Yes, to last them for 2-4 days! I actually had to double check this with her myself as I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! But no, she has confirmed this to be the case.


• She has a carer/personal assistant from a care agency who comes in to help her out with some things, and this lady has complained to Social Services before that dog and cat faeces were on the floor!? Near the child? (I did not witness this, but I do not see why this woman would risk her job fabricating this!)


• She only feeds them biscuits and no meat because she can’t afford it. She’s admitted to being in debt.


• The tortoise does not have a proper vivarium.


• The dog is not walked at all (but apparently this isn’t neglect?! Yet it gets little to no exercise so I fail to see how it isn’t neglect?)


• The dog is not properly trained, and was bought from a shady seller as a one year old dog.


• She has had to be forced to rehome pets before due to lack of care, and also not being allowed to keep them in the property. Yet she insists on buying more and more! She says she wants pets, but as I have pointed out, they are a huge responsibility, and just because you WANT a pet, doesn’t mean you would be a good owner.

I feel awful but the last straw came when she once again decided to bugger off for days at a time and leave these animals unattended for 4 days around Easter, whilst she went off gallivanting with other friends. According to her neighbours, the dog barked, whined and scratched the doors all day long, every day. And they commented on how they could smell the stench from passing by her doorway after just one day!
We reported her to the RSPCA, and her neighbours reported her to the HA. I am not yet sure of the outcome, but she knows she has been reported. She’s saying that the RSPCA won’t tell her who it was, but they have real cause for concern, especially as they have been called on her numerous times before and she’s been forced to rehome pets many times before.
She’s angry and upset, claims that she’s not a bad pet owner at all, and people are trying to ruin her life.
I have distanced myself from her, and have not told her it was me as she will definitely fly off the handle, and unfortunately she’s one of those people who knows some quite unsavoury characters, shall we say?
She’s already making threats against the neighbours.
I feel wracked with guilt and questioning whether or not I did do the right thing after all? I am not a coward, but she really will make my life hell if I own up. But I just could not sit back and hear about those poor animals being neglected anymore.
She seems completely deluded that it isn’t neglect? Or am I the delusional one here?
I feel like a terrible friend but those animals were clearly suffering.
Was I completely unreasonable in reporting her?

Again, I ask that you please don’t be rude to me in the replies. This is a genuine question because I’m really struggling with my conscience over this.
Thank you for reading. X

Yes...makes you wonder just how many children are suffering under the radar.

So what are your concerns re the child then?

I'd report and no matter how good a friend they were I would be spelling out my disgust about her ill treatment and neglect of the animals.

OP, you've done exactly the right thing and please know that you have taken a huge and brave step , that many folk would bury their heads in the sand over, towards getting the support that it sounds like your friend desperately needs.
The more people complain, the more likely that the relevant authorities will take notice and do something.

Well done OP.

The animals would thank you for helping them, if they could. YANBU. Leaving a dog locked inside alone for four days is so appalling, let alone the other animals and repeat offences. She’s a disgrace.

YANBU but why be friends with someone so rough in the first place? Sounds like she ticks every box for being the worst kind of feckless underclass parasite. Seriously starting to wonder whether threads like this are being planted by the Conservative party as some kind of guerrilla electioneering tactic...

You did the right thing.
Sounds like those animals have a horrible existence.

Any time you have to question whether to report someone or not, report it, its then down to them to prove themselves.

You did the right thing. She has choices; the animals do not.

what is her disability? Is it a physical or a mental health one? It may be that she actually DOESNT understand that what she is doing is neglect - although of course that doesnt take away from the fact that it very much is, and seems likely that she should be banned from owning pets.

Is it possible that the child has SEN? Or do you think its a case of neglectful parenting?

Id be raising concerns to SS as well as RSPCA too if I were you. None of this sounds at all healthy, and ultiomately it sounds as if your friend is unable to cope with pets, which means she is possibly not able to cope with a child either, not without alot of support which it doesnt appear she is getting.

She does. But she probably wouldn't pay any attention to that sort of legal ban either.

I'm more concerned about the child growing up in a house filled with animal shit, tbh.

You did the right thing. Reporting animal neglect/cruelty/abuse is never the wrong thing to do in my honest opinion. Though, I understand your fears about her finding out it was you, given she knows some unsavoury characters. You're doing the right thing by distancing yourself from her. I would say try not to engage in conversations with her about the animals or RSPCA involvement and just stay out of it as much as you can. For all she knows, social services could well have informed the RSPCA (and it sounds like they should have anyway!).

From someone who has seen animal neglect go unreported and ignored, thank you. I have reported neglect to the RSPCA before, even when the owner has attempted to come up with 'reasonable' excuses. It would've been on my conscience had I not reported it. Well done, OP

You did the right thing, no question about that. Well done.

Considering animals aren’t able to speak up to their neglect, then it’s up to humans to be their voice, much the same as children.
I reported a neighbour in the past, 6 weeks later the RSPCA updated me that the dog had been removed from their care and she thanked me for coming forwards to report the neglect. She said the dog after treatment and assessment would go on to be re-homed through one of the charities they associate with. There is no excuse to neglect your pets, if you are unable to care for them, rehome them, or sign over to a charity, you don’t neglect them.
You’ve done the best thing for the animals, to be honest it’s sad the neighbours didn’t report her sooner.

Where is she keeping the tortoise atm do you know? Not all tortoises need a viv, but they need UV and heat and calcium of it will die a slow drawn out death.

If she’s letting it it just roam around the house (some people do!) then that’s particularly bad because:

a) she has a dog, and dogs have a tendency (especially bored young poorly trained and unstimulated ones) to see tortoises as a walking chew toy, which is obviously catastrophic for the tortoise.

b), tortoises can be carriers of salmonella - and it’ll be shitting and pissing all over the house with her young child.

she might be keeping it in a ‘table’ - which would hopefully reduce these risks a little at least, though not addressing the actual care it needs

The OP has made it clear that social services are already involved regarding the child, so clearly concerns about the child have already been reported and are being investigated.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. For previous posters that ask why she isn’t banned from keeping animals, the bar for this is very high. I’ve seen court cases personally worth terrible animal neglect/cruelty, where the magistrates (the rspca have no control over sentencing) have chosen to not ban them from keeping animals at all. In some cases this has allowed the owner to reclaim their pet which is truly awful. And the rspca hate it as well but they literally have no control of this. And often they will get animals signed over if not cruelty but neglect as they can’t get a court case as the threshold is not reached.

I'm guessing both this woman and her daughter have some degree of SEN, hence the animal hoarding/poor executive function/ carers attending combo.

You've done all you can, time to distance yourself from this shitshow, for your own sanity if nothing else.

You've done exactly the right thing op. The animals needed someone to speak out for them and you've done that. You can't reason with people like your friend. They'll never admit to neglecting their pets. I speak from experience as I had to report my own dad to the RSPCA for neglecting his dogs. They were filthy, matted and one of them had a mouthful of rotten teeth with infected gums. My dad was just in complete denial that there was anything wrong with them at all. I even offered to lend him the money for vet and to cut their fur myself with my grooming equipment. But he flat out refused. I had no choice but to report him. The RSPCA didn't remove the dogs, but they did force my dad to make a vets appointment and get them cut. Despite the obvious difference it has made to the dogs' quailty of life, my dad wont acknowledge that there was anything wrong with his dogs to begin with. I just can't for the life of me understand his mindset at all. But what I'm trying to say is that with some people the only thing you can do is report them to the correct authorities.

I’m all for “be kind”

but seriously posters

this op has been sitting on this neglect for 13 years.

and now there is a baby involved. A baby. But she’s not inclined to report because “no evidence”. Chances are the baby will get to 13 and only then may the OP start a thread about whether she should report her concerns of neglect

unbelievable

Out of interest
How do you hold up a relationship with someone like this?

errr think you might need to re-read the thread.

OP has only been aware for 1 year, not 13 and HAS reported it, and SS ARE involved with the family as well.

She should never be allowed to keep a pet, she doesn't care about their needs. Absolutely the right thing to report her.

tomatoandherbs

Perhaps ready the thread eh?

Why are you even friends with this person?