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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that some people just don't get poverty?

555 replies

Ohsoworried · 24/04/2022 22:04

I've seen a few posts recently where people earning a fair bit of money (think around 100k a year) are complaining that they're struggling with money, don't have enough etc. I DO understand that it is all relative but equally, for people like me on a low low wage, in insecure housing, wondering how I'm going to pay rent, having to stop paying in to my pension for the extra £30 a month etc it does make me cringe a little. Things are a little better for me at the moment but it has been hard and my secondment is up soon so back down to low pay. When I left my abusive ex I was living in poverty. And when I mean poverty I mean in a refuge, no job because I had to relocate, no money for a deposit to rent etc. It's the choice between being able to downsize your house, not go on holiday for a couple of years, make sacrifices but still live comfortably etc, compared with not knowing if you'll be able to afford your bills. Of course I'm generalising and I'm sure there are people out there who are genuinely on high wages but have high mortgage payments etc who are struggling. I do sympathise. But I don't always think this is the case...

OP posts:
5128gap · 26/04/2022 13:40

FlowersforEveryone · 26/04/2022 12:59

other optional commitments may leave them short of money for essentials, but they have the choice to make changes so this is not the case.

Its not always optional. They can't use money they need for lifesaving treatment on something else. So they can be struggling greatly but even if they struggle to pay rent, buy food and meet utility essential bills they can't be in any form or degree of poverty because they should make better choices about who's life to save.. Or something? If they didn't have the money to use on medical, they would still be in poverty and the person the funds are using for it may not be here. Still doesn't help them pay the bills.

Yes your example is correct for some but people in this thread want to argue that if you earn 100k on paper you can't be struggling because you made bad choices.. When it's not always a choice. You can't make a blanket statement about someone's situation based on how much they have coming in when you don't know where it's going.

The OP complained about how unempathetic "rich" British people are to her and not understanding her struggles

But yet not on the streets lining up in a soup kitchen type poverty that many people are saying is the definition of poverty now so perhaps the OP wasn't that hard up in true poverty after all.. Unless again we want to go back to the fact that it's relative which is what many were trying to say.

People in poverty wouldn't have the option to spend money on life saving medical treatment, so there's the difference right there. And yes, I can make a blanket statement that if you earn £100k, short of being a victim of financial abuse, if you are living in poverty, it is a choice and one you have the power to change.

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/04/2022 13:42

QueenCamilla · 26/04/2022 13:19

@5128gap I absolutely agree.
Poverty is NOT relative when you can't eat or have a safe roof over your head.
I bet the ones stating otherwise are exactly the people who have never been in that situation.

What we consider a decent living standard or poverty level cash wise is indeed different and relative all over the world.

But when you go hungry, where is the "relevance" to what?
Someone in UK skipping meals due to lack of money is poor. Someone dying of malnutrition in Africa is poor.
Let's grade the levels of food poverty then? 🙄
Or how about just stopping the nonsense that someone in a big house having a tight month and not being able to keep horses anymore might be "relatively" poor. Because that's insulting, frankly!

Some huge misconceptions here. Most people in Africa are not dying of malnutrition. Generally only those in war zones. Yet many live in poverty. That means a family in a 2 roomed hut, no electricity or running water, no flushing toilets, no free healthcare or ability to afford it, free education only to primary level. Very limited possessions. No benefits to fall back on in the event of divorce. Yet somehow they manage to feed themselves. Meanwhile in the UK people cannot feed themselves but still have a smartphone. Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?

christmascup · 26/04/2022 13:51

Meanwhile in the UK people cannot feed themselves but still have a smartphone. Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?

This sort of Daily Mail reader thinking is ridiculous and ignorant. It makes me ashamed that some people think like this.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 26/04/2022 13:56

Its the same vein as 'BUT THEY HAVE A FLAT SCREEN TV!'

All TVs are flat screen now Gary.

desiringonlychild2022 · 26/04/2022 14:01

Also Africa is a growing market for smartphone users! the smartphone penetration rate is 46% and growing. In poorer countries. In some African countries more people have access to a mobile phone than to clean water, a bank account or electricity, the agencies add.

Ballcactus · 26/04/2022 14:04

desiringonlychild2022 · 26/04/2022 13:31

Also the cheap washing machines have a terrible epc rating so you will pay more in the long run in the form of higher electricity bills. I just bought an A rated fridge, and an A rated washer dryer. Both costing £1k each.My idea is that I will save money in the long run so its worth it? But poorer people would buy a cheap washing machine or a second hand old one, and pay higher bills in the long run. Either way, you have to spend money

Exactly and what else are we suggesting… launderette? Also expensive and really difficult to lug all the washing to one if you even have one near you.

queenofarles · 26/04/2022 14:11

Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?
No, but prioritising others things/bad money management leads to food poverty.

i think money management is something that many are not good at.

5128gap · 26/04/2022 14:23

christmascup · 26/04/2022 13:51

Meanwhile in the UK people cannot feed themselves but still have a smartphone. Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?

This sort of Daily Mail reader thinking is ridiculous and ignorant. It makes me ashamed that some people think like this.

Also deeply concerning that people have so little understanding of how modern life works. No smartphone for many would mean no internet, and therefore no ability to make and manage benefit claims, to apply for jobs, to book medical appointments, to facilitate children's education... Even food banks typically require a voucher that few places issue in person since covid, it's usually an E voucher...sent to a smartphone.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 26/04/2022 14:23

christmascup · 26/04/2022 13:51

Meanwhile in the UK people cannot feed themselves but still have a smartphone. Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?

This sort of Daily Mail reader thinking is ridiculous and ignorant. It makes me ashamed that some people think like this.

Oh dear, if you take a BA in Economics, you will have to discuss situations and dilemmas, then write an essay on your findings.
Stop making this personal, it's an entirely reasonable proposition.
One of the reasons we cannot solve logistical problems in society is the emotional responses to quite often pertinent questions.

5128gap · 26/04/2022 14:39

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 26/04/2022 14:23

Oh dear, if you take a BA in Economics, you will have to discuss situations and dilemmas, then write an essay on your findings.
Stop making this personal, it's an entirely reasonable proposition.
One of the reasons we cannot solve logistical problems in society is the emotional responses to quite often pertinent questions.

I'd be surprised if a question like that appeared as part of the curriculum for a serious course of study. The answer is so obvious that even those of the meanest intellect would hardly find it challenging to answer. So obvious in fact that we can be forgiven for thinking it is deliberately inflammatory and designed to elicit an emotional response.

HardyBuckette · 26/04/2022 14:43

5128gap · 26/04/2022 14:23

Also deeply concerning that people have so little understanding of how modern life works. No smartphone for many would mean no internet, and therefore no ability to make and manage benefit claims, to apply for jobs, to book medical appointments, to facilitate children's education... Even food banks typically require a voucher that few places issue in person since covid, it's usually an E voucher...sent to a smartphone.

This goes back to the point about inequality in itself being damaging for the people at the lower end of the pecking order. In a society that's wealthy enough for smartphone and internet access to be very high across the working age population, there evolve systems that assume it. That creates a specific problem of exclusion from those systems that doesn't exist in societies not wealthy enough to have the same level of ubiquitous internet.

QueenCamilla · 26/04/2022 14:47

@5128gap Yep,they really don't get it. This thread could be a prime example of the ones who don't.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 26/04/2022 14:48

desiringonlychild2022 · 26/04/2022 13:03

I agree, however the UK poo pooed the family and family planning.

How did the UK poo poo family and the family planning. From what I understand, the nuclear family construct was borne out of young people flocking to the city during the industrial revolution and then they married each other and started families and this broadly worked out well as other than events like the great depression and world wars, society became wealthier and most people did fairly well under this set up. We are reverting to record inequality however, and the nuclear family setup is undeniably more expensive Which is why a lot of young people are living with parents for longer to save up.

www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2020/03/the-nuclear-family-was-a-mistake/605536/

The article is a great article and fills in the gaps of what I was saying, the close and wider family has been destroyed by political and economical factors.

'This is the story of our times—the story of the family, once a dense cluster of many siblings and extended kin, fragmenting into ever smaller and more fragile forms. The initial result of that fragmentation, the nuclear family, didn’t seem so bad. But then, because the nuclear family is so brittle, the fragmentation continued. In many sectors of society, nuclear families are fragmented into single-parent families, single-parent families into chaotic families, or no families'.

The problem now is the family is so fragmented, along with health issues are killing the economy. Then the question is, where is the moral imperative of society to support those that ruptured their own family? Because eventually, the whole pyramid will collapse.

I'm not judging btw, my own family is ruptured (I'm divorced). However my personal goals have all been sacrificed to feed my children, plus I've pooled my resources with others.

mudgetastic · 26/04/2022 14:49

queenofarles · 26/04/2022 14:11

Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?
No, but prioritising others things/bad money management leads to food poverty.

i think money management is something that many are not good at.

It gets very hard to make good choices when you are constantly stressed trying to make ends meet. Most people can't . Your brain only has so much processing capability .

About 10% of the uk don't have enough money coming in to realistically make ends meet no matter how clever they are

One bout of ill health and your job is lost and your savings are gone . You are under severe mental strain, employers are cautious - and expect you to have transport /look smart. Your brain is frazzled so you can't write a good CV ... lose lose lose

christmascup · 26/04/2022 15:09

I'd be surprised if a question like that appeared as part of the curriculum for a serious course of study. The answer is so obvious that even those of the meanest intellect would hardly find it challenging to answer. So obvious in fact that we can be forgiven for thinking it is deliberately inflammatory and designed to elicit an emotional response.

Quite @5128gap

I'm usually good at ignoring the goady (because it must be, I can't believe the stupidity otherwise). Though some of the ignorance is tiresome.

queenofarles · 26/04/2022 16:56

mudgetastic agree with everything you’ve said.
but that’s not the case with the Majority of cases.
there are people who are reckless with money / made some very bad financial choices.

KarenOLantern · 26/04/2022 17:04

Momicrone · 24/04/2022 22:32

Why are you even letting these people enter your headspace? Stop reading that stuff!

Because those people vote too, and usually for a party who will make things much worse for those at the lower end of the scale, except they don't understand how horrific the things they are voting for actually are, because they have no comprehension of it.

DownNative · 26/04/2022 17:06

desiringonlychild2022 · 26/04/2022 14:01

Also Africa is a growing market for smartphone users! the smartphone penetration rate is 46% and growing. In poorer countries. In some African countries more people have access to a mobile phone than to clean water, a bank account or electricity, the agencies add.

According to the United Nations, "People make huge sacrifices to recharge their phones, even skipping meals."

Obviously, possession of mobile phones is not a clear indicator of wealth. Africans pay an average of $5-8 a month and yet many, many people in Africa live on $2 a day or less.

60% of unemployed people in Africa are young people. Interestingly, they're able to use mobile phone technology to start getting into employment. Mobile phone kiosks, for example.

Most phones do not have Internet capability, but is predicted to grow. Young people mostly use text messages to communicate.

It remains to be seen how much mobile phone technology will help Africa develop economically.

Cubangal · 26/04/2022 17:08

ThinWomansBrain · 26/04/2022 03:06

what I like about MN is that it is a window into other people's lives that I don't often encounter amongst my friends - but within that diversity, yes, some will be worried about paying utility bills/buying groceries and struggling to pay the rent, others will be posting about how much to pay their cleaner /whether to buy an £80 birthday cake/ how much to tip their hairdresser.

It's possible to have interest/empathy for both - but that doesn't mean because someone has a different set of problems to yours, they shouldn't be able to post here.

I don’t think people posting about whether to buy an £80 birthday cake are in need of empathy.

Maverickess · 26/04/2022 17:20

christmascup · 26/04/2022 13:51

Meanwhile in the UK people cannot feed themselves but still have a smartphone. Could it be that food poverty in the UK is a decision, made because people prioritise other spending?

This sort of Daily Mail reader thinking is ridiculous and ignorant. It makes me ashamed that some people think like this.

Get my rota and my payslip for my minimum wage job (full time) through my smart phone because it's my only access to the internet and device to communicate. Local library has shut, DD has a reconditioned laptop that she uses for college and through lockdowns, rare it's available to me.
No data means I don't get a rota, no smart phone means I don't get a rota, which is actually a moot point because if I hadn't applied for the job using my smart phone, I wouldn't have even known it was available.
Sorry that I prioritise something essential to earning a pittance, still gives people like you the chance to have a dig eh? Silver linings and all that......

Bignanny30 · 26/04/2022 18:24

The scary thing is that the people running this country and making the policies don’t really understand povity!

Crikeyalmighty · 26/04/2022 18:29

I wish people would stop mentioning phones they are pretty essential for anyone working and paying bills these days . Here in Denmark it would be very difficult to function without one as everything is digital and virtually cashless too

Newbie20 · 26/04/2022 18:34

I understand where you are coming from. I grew up 'poor' and I made a promise to myself that I would always have a job no matter how rubbish it was so that I wasn't 'poor' any more. Unfortunately in 2011 I found out that I have a condition that will give me cancer by the time I'm 40 and probably kill me, I had corrective surgery which should give me an extra 20 years if I'm lucky but because of the surgery I was deemed unemployable. I went through a few years of being 'poor' again and it was awful so I went against the advice that I was unemployable and got a part time job. I not rich but I'm not poor any more. Some weeks I struggle to feed my family but I will always put food on the children's plates before thinking of myself. Oh and the real kicker even though I was deemed unemployable I wasn't entitled to disability benefits either.

HardyBuckette · 26/04/2022 18:52

Crikeyalmighty · 26/04/2022 18:29

I wish people would stop mentioning phones they are pretty essential for anyone working and paying bills these days . Here in Denmark it would be very difficult to function without one as everything is digital and virtually cashless too

It is always a useful sign that the person complaining about them has no idea what they're talking about though, so there's that.

fetchacloth · 26/04/2022 18:53

Momicrone · 24/04/2022 22:20

Yabu, having been in both situations, it's not something I judge now.

Me too, and there's pros and cons with both situations😎.
I certainly don't judge - have been on the receiving end of that too many times and wouldn't dish it out.