Scouts jamboree 2023

[Pissedoffcat]

I already give regular amounts to my chosen charities.
I also provide the relatively expensive presents requested by my friend for her children in terms of birthday and Christmas and have done so for many years.

I am now being tapped up in very unsubtle ways to contribute to one of their children going to next year's jamboree in Seoul. Will cost around£4000 approx.

AIBU to feel annoyed at being put under emotional pressure when Im personally on a budget myself and, rightly or wrongly, I don't necessarily see the Scouts as a charity?

I admit I don't know much about the Scouts and their infrastructure.
But I'm uneasy at adding another financial burden onto myself, for what seems a very nice jolly.

I don't want to appear unsympathetic but I am torn about this.

Is it me being unreasonable in feeling annoyed at being prompted to dig into my pocket? Especially for an organisation I really don't know about and I have already chosen certain places for regular donations?

Advice welcome.

Not seeing the issue.

You can’t justify contributing to their child’s extra-curricula activity, so you don’t.

Simple as that.

I wouldn’t dream of hitting friends or family members up for my kids’ activities. It is beyond inappropriate.

YANBU

My DC and DH have attended scout jamborees. It never occurred to me/us/them to just blatantly ask people for money. That's ludicrous. We paid for it ourselves and joined in the fundraising events organised by their section, as did all the other local attendees. Some scouts did more fundraising than others, hence had less to pay themselves, but straight up asking for/expecting money from other people was a real no-no. (Obviously if grandparents etc offered money of their own accord that was fine).

But more importantly, why do you acquiesce to your friend's requests for expensive presents for her kids? That's the bigger issue here. It would seem that these demands have led the family to believe you'll bankroll them in other ways too.

Hang on - are you being asked to donate, or is he doing something in return? Jobs, some sponsored event? Because I think that makes all the difference.

DD has this issue with guiding, I refuse to let her go on trips where she has to basically beg for money from others to go on what is basically a holiday, that most people wouldnt be able to afford. It's mortifying when there are actual charities in desperate need of funds. Her guide unit is really fussy about how they raise funds too, some things that might be acceptable, such as selling a product - where you are providing something and not begging, are no longer allowed. Friend's daughter ran an after school tuckshop, but apparently this wouldn't be allowed now.

My daughter is going to this and I wouldn't expect anyone to contribute. She's largely raising money by selling things on FB, doing bake sales, babysitting, car washing etc

Mine have been, and one is self-funding to go as a volunteer in 2023.
Bear in mind that the funds raised will also support and provide funds to those who cannot afford it/are unable to raise funds.

Why don’t you say you’ll give money for the jamboree this year for bday/ Christmas instead of presents?

@MoiraQueen thats insane they can’t sell stuff did they say why not?

There is absolutely no chance that I would pay for somebody else’s child to go on holiday. By the same token I wouldn’t ask anyone to pay for my child.

And calling the donation a payment for car washes/cakes/supermarket packing doesn’t make it any better.

A good friend of DS’s is going. I have him £10 in a birthday card and have bought one or two things he’s bought wholesale to sell on - but only if i needed them anyway. It was made clear that the scouts going needed to raise the money themselves with support from the group. I must admit that I was rather relieved when DS said he didn’t want to go!

I agree that Scouting is a valuable activity/skill set/organisation (I was a Cub leader until recently), and that the world jamboree is an amazing experience (albeit, not having been to one), but a young person choosing to go, chooses to fundraisers by default, and that should not put pressure on their friends and their families.

This apart from I have DS and not a DD - he is so excited (as we are for him) - it is daunting fundraising as he's not done it before but that is part of the experience & he is not asking friends or relatives for money at all. He has car washed for a neighbour who was very happy to pay for this service and my DF has sorted through some unused items for DS to sell online.

We were slightly relieved DS didn’t want to go when he was in the eligible age range. Our scout group are very successful in getting scouts selected, usually have 3 or 4 going for each jamboree, but it means our village is targeted every 4 years with numerous fundraising events to help raise approximately £12k. We could have afforded to pay for him to go, and would have felt wrong expecting people to donate the whole cost, but the fundraising is meant to be part of their experience.

Be warned though, a friend’s DC changed their mind about going after raising all the funds!

Obvious question I know, but were any of the funds donations from others, and if so what did they do with the money?

Thanks for everyone who shared their views on this.
I had thought I'd raise it with my friend at a convenient time as to whether cash gifts would be more welcome this year than actual presents. Though I did suspect she would hesitate over that idea as she is big on actual presents.
We live too far apart for me to easily get involved in any fundraising going on.

But, before I could mention it, I got various hints. Initially I thought I was perhaps looking for something that wasn't there. But the last one left me in little doubt.
It basically said that whilst he would be fundraising, they fully expected to rely on direct donations from close family and honourary aunties😉. . The winking emoji was part of the message.

I do appreciate its an honour to be chosen etc, and I'm not taking away anything from the scouts itself. It's just not "my cause", if you see what I mean. I'm glad to hear the feedback that it's a wonderful experience so I do feel I'd better start budgeting myself. Knowing my friend as I do, she will expect her son to get usual presents with the jamboree contribution being a totally separate thing.

Sorry!
Don't know what happened to my paragraphs.

Sorry if difficult to read.

Not much of a friend if she demands extravagant presents and money for her DC.

in respect of the scout who changed their mind I think the money just went into the jamboree pot. As stated before the money raised by UK scouts helps children from other countries to go

Not sure what happens if you don’t raise sufficient funds

@nancynoname and others who have raised the underlying issue of expensive presents being requested and acquiesced to by me. You are quite right that that is an issue that has become more obvious over the years.

I suspect that it is because of the above issue, I am reacting to the hints about the jamboree in a very negative way.

The background could be a post in itself, tbh, but I was wanting to keep both subjects separate.

Having looked at it though, I'm wondering if that's possible. It is part and parcel of the whole thing and probably why she thought nothing of sending me a text letting me know I'd be expected to donate.

I think this is definitely part of a bigger issue, but in the short term, just reply "no problem, I'll send money instead of gifts for birthday/Christmas" (assuming you're happy to do so!).

If she does have the brass neck to come back asking for both, I would just act innocent and point out she can't possibly be expecting you to pay for jamboree above and beyond gifts given how much you typically spend 😯

Basically, act innocent. "Oh but I usually spend £X on gifts for little Tyrone, I can't possibly afford to top him up with jamboree cash above and beyond that, it's more than I spend on food! <<tinkly laugh>>"

It's really not an honour to be chosen to give money for someone else's holiday as effectively this is what a jamboree boils down to.

I'd message back and say that due to the DCs age it absolutely makes more sense to give cash rather than presents and you're so glad to know that it will go to something big and important that he's saving for, rather than being frittered away.

If she comes back with anything other than complete agreement, then I'd be telling her that the bank of @Pissedoffcat is closing for new business and asking friends to pay for your DCs holiday is grasping and tacky.

I would say that this is on par with those that fund raise for a charity sky dive, what they don't tell you is around 50% of the money you donate will be paying for their sky dive and only half of what you donate will go to charity, I say to them will you sponsor me to do a charity ferrari ride, because I would live for someone to pay for me to jump out of a plane for a skydive!

Thank you but no thank you is a suitable response. For all anyone knows (and not for MN to know) you could be putting aside money to ensure you can manage when energy bills increase in the autumn.

Id send a tenner and say that for dc fundraising.

Id send a tenner and say that for dc fundraising.

If a scout drops out the money raised goes to pay for others who can't afford it

I meant it was an honour for the son to get a place, Rookie, but I agree with your sentiment nonetheless!

I had dropped into conversation earlier this year, well before selection was known, that I was having to budget very carefully this year. I was deliberately making a point early so as to hopefully curtail her expectations.

My circumstances have changed hugely in the last few years, and not for the better. But the present lists show no appreciation of this. In fact, as everyone gets older, the presents get more expensive.

The list is presented with no discussion. I learned early that it was not negotiable. I just accepted it at the time, failing to see it would carry on for years and get more and more expensive as their hobbies and interests developed.

She puts herself down for presents as well and as she says, it's unfortunate she has expensive tastes.

I thought it all a bit cheeky, but at time I could afford it.
Then there was a change - which she obviously knows about- and I expected her to take that into consideration. I was wrong.

I didn't send them their usual Easter goodies this year, just a card.
That's when the messages about the jamboree became a bit more obvious.

I will have to address it. I can't spend the next year under this burden of expectation.