To take DD away on her birthday against the wishes of her Dad

[oddsocks9]

I have a DD who will be 16. For a bit of background, me and her Dad separated when she was 4.

Her Dad has always had her 4 overnights and 2 dinners a month. He pays me 150 a month in maintenance. He has never paid for or contributed towards haircuts, school uniform, school trips, school lunches, basically anything she needs above the 150. He has never done dentist, doctors or helped with homework. He has taken her on holiday twice in 11 years. All of this aside, I have always had a fairly amicable relationship with him.

I work full time and have managed to save enough money to take DD to Disneyland (in the US). Her birthday falls during a school holiday and DD has said she would like to go so that we are out there when it is her actual birthday.

I have mentioned this to her Dad who has hit the roof and has said absolutely no way am I to take her away during that period as he wants to see her on her actual birthday.

DD does not seem fussed about seeing her Dad on her birthday, and said she would be fine to see him when we got back (which would be 3 days after her birthday).

AIBU if I was to take her?

Then I hope you both have a lovely time!

Has he previously seen her on her birthday every year? Is he just making an issue this time because he has never done anything like this for her?

Surely a good father would want their child to have their choice of birthday. Hers happens to be a trip to California and he should be happy for her.

Then book it now and it's a done deal

Close the discussion down. Book the trip and do what she wants. Her birthday, her choice.

It doesn't have to be written consent (though obviously that makes it clearer) and the rule only applies till the child is 16 www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1984/37/section/1 though it's pretty difficult to imagine anyone getting prosecuted for taking a 15 year old on holiday a few days before their 16 birthday.
It sounds as if he needs to realise that she's at the point where he needs to work to have a relationship with her, not demand one. This kind of behaviour is only going to push her away.

@Threetulips No he's not planned anything for her birthday!

I would ask him if it's really worth the risk of damaging his relationship with DD for the sake of 3 days. If he pushes it then he might find DD won't want to see him on his birthday or for a while afterwards, so he will have gained nothing by his actions.

This.

Book the trip OP and let your daughter enjoy her 16th

Unfortunately you can’t, you need permission to take a 15 year old our the country and could be refused entry to the US. Get a court order first.

You do whatever your DD wants to and don't even need to discuss it with EXDH xx

Her birthday, not his.

I’m trying to imagine the replies if a DM came on here saying her ex was taking DC away just before their 16th Birthday, against her wishes, and she wouldn’t get to see them until 3 days later.

Can't speak for anybody else @AccommodatingAlice but my stance would be exactly the same. It's completely up to the DD how she wants to spend her birthday. Time for the adults to be mature about it and let her have the birthday she wants. 3 days is hardly 3 weeks.

What makes you think that hasn't happened to some of us? In my case I just sucked it up because, y'know, I put my DD's wishes above my own like any decent parent would. HTH

I think most people would say the person who decides is the person whose birthday was being celebrated. I’m really tired of these “what if it was the other way round?” posts. My answer remains the same.

I've just taken my 2 ds to USA. No one asked me anything. I flew to New York. No request for permission at all.

Tbh I didn't even think about it.

Your poor dd, I hope he doesn't make her feel guilty and therefore ruin her birthday.
Absolutely she should go. It's her choice and the feckless arse is just going to have to suck it up.
I hope she has a wonderful time

hes doing himself no favours. She can have video call surely...? he can be at airport with baloons n flowers on her return.OR say your quite happy if he wants to fly out n tag along on the actual day-stop being a knob dad.

He’s being selfish putting his wishes above hers and risking their relationship.

my worry is whether he could legally block it you taking her away against his wishes.

^^ this.

I wouldn't hesitate to take her. He sounds like a shite father, why does he think he gets to dictate what a 16 year old does for her birthday.

@LoveSpringDaffs Captain half arse This has absolutely made my day.

Has he always made a huge effort for every single birthday?

Oh thank goodness you're here defending the poor fellas! You must be so proud.

My answer would be the same. A feckless parent who does nothing more than the bare minimum would be told to get to fuck if they tried to dictate what a 16 year old does.

@HollowTalk In short, no, never!

@AccommodatingAlice -wow- I (vaguely)get why you would think out if the mum/dad bit were otherway around. The DD wants to have her 16bday while on holiday. There was no against dds wishes.