To take DD away on her birthday against the wishes of her Dad

[oddsocks9]

I have a DD who will be 16. For a bit of background, me and her Dad separated when she was 4.

Her Dad has always had her 4 overnights and 2 dinners a month. He pays me 150 a month in maintenance. He has never paid for or contributed towards haircuts, school uniform, school trips, school lunches, basically anything she needs above the 150. He has never done dentist, doctors or helped with homework. He has taken her on holiday twice in 11 years. All of this aside, I have always had a fairly amicable relationship with him.

I work full time and have managed to save enough money to take DD to Disneyland (in the US). Her birthday falls during a school holiday and DD has said she would like to go so that we are out there when it is her actual birthday.

I have mentioned this to her Dad who has hit the roof and has said absolutely no way am I to take her away during that period as he wants to see her on her actual birthday.

DD does not seem fussed about seeing her Dad on her birthday, and said she would be fine to see him when we got back (which would be 3 days after her birthday).

AIBU if I was to take her?

yanbu DDs choice. But at 16 I would get her to talk to her dad about it.

YANBU.

Surely it's what your daughter wants in this situation as she is the one turning 16? Dad can see her when you're back, 3 days is hardly a big deal.

YANBU. At almost 16 she should decide what to do on her birthday.

She's 16. She can do what she wants. And if he stands in the way of her holiday then he's not going to be top of her list to spend her birthday with anyway.

At this age parental contact arrangements star to go out the window. She will vote with her feet. She isn't obliged to spend any time with him.

Just tell him it's up to DD and she's chosen Disney land.

Just ask her to talk to her dad and explain to him that she really would like to do this and she can do something special with him when she returns. He probably feels a bit left out and despite not contributing much financially, has clearly managed to maintain a decent relationship with her.

At 16 it's upto her. He needs to start respecting her wants. I don't agree with just leaving it upto her to tell him. She needs support to stand up for herself.

I should have added that DD has said to him that she wants to go for her birthday and she will spend by weekend with him when she gets back but he has still said that she is not to go over her actual birthday.

Absolutely yanbu enjoy your holiday together and birthday celebrations can continue when she gets home.
As an aside well done in managing to save money during her childhood
You both sound really sensible, not so sure re your ex

DD CHOICE

Yanbu. Your ex is an idiot and clearly jealous.

Yanbu. She's 16, she's old enough to decide for herself how she'd like to celebrate her birthday. He's being really quite selfish to try and stop her going.

What's the legal position? Could he potentially block this. Even if he can't when she's 16, she'll be 15 when she flies out.

YANBU

she is not a possession!!

Captain half arse doesn't get to dictate what she does on HER birthday, not when you take her on holiday.

pathetic specimen of a man can GTF!!

She’s 16. He doesn’t get a say. Take her away and have fun.

Yanbu. Your daughter is old enough to choose her own birthday treat. Your ex is being ridiculous. Ignore him.

I may be mistaken but it would take a pretty batshit Judge to agree that dd should miss out on the 16th birthday of a lifetime because her dad is a selfish twat.

Has he planned something else? A surprise he can’t change? Is he likely to tell you?

The other solution, depending on the court order is to ask for an amendment.

For those wondering about the legal side of things. We were never married, he's on her birth certificate and there is no court order in place.

Well it’s tough shit really, isn’t it? At 16 your dd doesn’t have to have contact with her dad at all if she doesn’t want to. Definitely go anyway and I’d point out to your ex that he risks seriously damaging their relationship with the way that he's acting.

Ignore and have a great trip

DD is quite passive and hates any kind of confrontation so I'm worried that if he keeps on at her it will eventually grind her down and she will agree to not go on her birthday, even though that's not what she wants.

Seriously op, just go. It’s her 16th birthday ffs and this is what she wants. Your ex is being a complete arse. YOU’RE the one who has put the effort into raising her this far. Your ex should be grateful for what he gets

Is he legally able to stop you? If he is, then while he's completely and utterly in the wrong (and I'm sure he'll love spending her 16th birthday with a teenager who wanted to be somewhere else and is forced to be with him) I think there's limited value in arguing with him. He sucks.

From what I understand, you may technically need to have his written consent as he has PR and there's no court order. I had a letter from my oldest's father to day travel was OK. It was never asked for at the airport, but I was glad to have it.

I'd probably ask him to consider DD's feelings, he doesn't want to alienate her by treating her like a child. A birthday is just a date, they can celebrate later.

Just do it. He hasn't got a leg to stand on. What a ridiculous man. If you give into this it'll be the tip of the iceberg. Is there a risk of him being spiteful and attempting to cancel her passport? If so I'd ring the passport office and ask for a note to be put on the system.