Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A bill one!

91 replies

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 16:34

This happened last night and it’s playing on my mind. We went for a meal for my Dads birthday, me and DP couldn’t really afford it so he didn’t come and I said he was poorly to lower the cost. My and my sister were paying. There was me, her, her husband, her 4 year old and our Dad. I picked them all up and didn’t drink so that I could drop them off after, all other adults drank, they had 2 bottles of wine between them and 4 beers. The 4 year old had an adults steak costing £22 (and wasted 2/3- just pointing out so you know they didn’t have a cheap kids meal) the others all offered from specials between £19–27 and my sister and her husband had starters. I had an £11 pizza and a sprite.
At the end my sister messaged me saying I’ve been and paid our share if you want to go pay the rest (so Dad wouldn’t try pay). When I got there I was told the amount and said to the waitress “my sister has already paid some” with it being so expensive and she corrected me saying yes this is what’s left. She had paid half of the bill exactly, aibu to ask her to pay a little extra? She knows I’m broke and probably already worked out why DP didn’t really come. I expected they would divide the bill by 5 for the per person cost and me pay for 1.5 people and not 2.5! The amount it cost me I might as well have taken DP.

OP posts:
FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 21:04

She messaged straight back asking if I was kidding about how much I paid. Apparently it was her DH that went and paid their share and not actually her and she assumed he had paid for all of theirs, all of the booze and half of Dads food. She had considered just paying the full bill but she didn’t want to offend me when we had planned on paying half for Dad already.

She has told me to leave it with her. I feel bad for moaning about her on here now.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 24/04/2022 21:06

Well done for not taking this lying down OP.

Too many people just quietly pay up and then at best feel cheated or at worst end up in debt or have to make cutbacks elsewhere to make up for expenditure that they weren't even responsible for.

You made significant sacrifices in your DP not going and then ordering the cheapest things on the menu and she went and stomped all over your efforts by unfairly imposing a good portion of her much higher bill onto you. It's a shame you weren't able to have your DP there, to have a starter and steak, and get a taxi so you could have wine, so you sure as hell shouldn't be paying the bill like you had all these things.

bare · 24/04/2022 21:07

Sounds like a good outcome and looks like she will put it right. That's good news and you were right to raise it

sheepandcaravan · 24/04/2022 21:09

Just saw this and felt sick for you. I'm so glad you raised it and she responded as I hoped she would. I hope things improve for you soon.

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 21:11

sheepandcaravan · 24/04/2022 21:09

Just saw this and felt sick for you. I'm so glad you raised it and she responded as I hoped she would. I hope things improve for you soon.

DP has an interview tomorrow 🤞🏻

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/04/2022 21:13

She knew exactly what she was doing. She'd probably planned it in advance and was really put out when your DP didn't go, as that made her plan less opaque, but she decided to chance her arm anyway. She was also relying on exploiting your Dad to make it too awkward for you to avoid being ripped off.

Even the most blatant of get-their-money's-worth bill-splitters don't usually try to split it unequally by the number of people. Their MO is to pig out as much as possible on the dearest options and then claim to have consumed 'an average amount' for one person. There's no way that even they could claim that three people should count as one for splitting purposes, as it would blow their own rules right out of the water.

Some people do exclude young children from the head-count for splitting, but that's done on the assumption that they'll be having a tiny plate of chicken nuggets and chips and a fruit shoot. If you order for them as if they were an adult (twice as expensive a dish as an actual adult had), they count as an adult for splitting purposes.

Of course, this all relies on a prior agreement that you will split, which, as far as I can tell, was only ever agreed for Dad's meal and not for everybody else's.

She left you without much choice on the evening, but you definitely need to challenge her about it now. Yes, it's an awkward situation - because SHE chose to deliberately make it awkward; none of the awkwardness was your doing.

It would still be CF behaviour if you had been the mega-rich sister and she thought she could blag a blatant sub from you, but to still pull this on you when your DP has missed out and you are clearly ordering cheap - both for obvious reasons - that is absolutely disgraceful.

Whilst not to be expected, I agree that she could easily have said "You know, you've done all the driving for us all and yours was only cheap anyway, plus we know that times are hard for you just now - we'll get this one, we insist."

Rainbowqueeen · 24/04/2022 21:14

Well it sounds like things are working out for you.

so the Cf was BIL. Good on your sister for sorting it and good luck to your DP

Moochio · 24/04/2022 21:14

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 21:04

She messaged straight back asking if I was kidding about how much I paid. Apparently it was her DH that went and paid their share and not actually her and she assumed he had paid for all of theirs, all of the booze and half of Dads food. She had considered just paying the full bill but she didn’t want to offend me when we had planned on paying half for Dad already.

She has told me to leave it with her. I feel bad for moaning about her on here now.

Awww glad it was all a misunderstanding. Hope she is giving her DH a right bollocking.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/04/2022 21:16

Ah, cross-posted with your updates - excellent news. Of course, there's still a chance that she did plan it that way and is now blaming it on her DH to save face, now that she's been rumbled.

Good outcome, though. Goes to show that it's worth challenging blatant injustices like this and not just rolling over.

idontknowdoi · 24/04/2022 21:17

Glad you got to the bottom of it OP.

I wouldn't have paid it. I'd have gone back and asked to speak to her/him before i paid a penny.

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 21:23

She’s sent me more than I paid! I told her she didn’t have to and she said she hasn’t her DH has to teach him not to be a brainless dick in future 😂

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 24/04/2022 21:30

Great outcome, OP. Well done.

tootsierubs · 24/04/2022 21:33

Good outcome op 👏
Best of luck for your DP's interview tomorrow 🤞

RandomMess · 24/04/2022 21:38

Yah to your sister for being a star!

Merryoldgoat · 24/04/2022 21:41

Great sister - nice outcome OP

Hutchy16 · 24/04/2022 21:44

She saw that steak and thought yeah it’s only £11 because my sister is paying. Cheeky af…if you had paid for yourself and your dad it would have been cheaper. She has actually take the Michael out of you so hard.

i would be furious if someone tried that with me…I’m raging on your behalf

Hutchy16 · 24/04/2022 21:44

Oh wait…I didn’t read all of the extra replies lol.

notapizzaeater · 24/04/2022 21:50

Good for your sister, what a CF BIL !

Apatosaurus20 · 24/04/2022 22:03

Aww I love the outcome of this OP! Good luck for DP tomorrow

RoisinD · 24/04/2022 22:11

What a lovely sister you have

WTAFFF · 25/04/2022 01:13

I’m glad this has all worked out. Your sister sounds lovely.

girlmom21 · 25/04/2022 08:01

Ha I take back what I said about your sister. She’s cool.

ChoiceMummy · 25/04/2022 08:47

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 16:34

This happened last night and it’s playing on my mind. We went for a meal for my Dads birthday, me and DP couldn’t really afford it so he didn’t come and I said he was poorly to lower the cost. My and my sister were paying. There was me, her, her husband, her 4 year old and our Dad. I picked them all up and didn’t drink so that I could drop them off after, all other adults drank, they had 2 bottles of wine between them and 4 beers. The 4 year old had an adults steak costing £22 (and wasted 2/3- just pointing out so you know they didn’t have a cheap kids meal) the others all offered from specials between £19–27 and my sister and her husband had starters. I had an £11 pizza and a sprite.
At the end my sister messaged me saying I’ve been and paid our share if you want to go pay the rest (so Dad wouldn’t try pay). When I got there I was told the amount and said to the waitress “my sister has already paid some” with it being so expensive and she corrected me saying yes this is what’s left. She had paid half of the bill exactly, aibu to ask her to pay a little extra? She knows I’m broke and probably already worked out why DP didn’t really come. I expected they would divide the bill by 5 for the per person cost and me pay for 1.5 people and not 2.5! The amount it cost me I might as well have taken DP.

I'd have said that I'd pay mine and half of dad's as agreed. We always stipulate if we're paying or contributing towards our parents meals beforehand.

whowhatwerewhy · 25/04/2022 09:02

How lovely of your sister. Fingers crossed for your husbands interview.

UnicornPooPoo · 25/04/2022 09:19

Oh that's so cheeky and it's the sort of thing my sister would do. I know it's too late now but you should have asked for a separate bill and paid a bit extra towards your dad's meal.

Swipe left for the next trending thread