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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bill one!

91 replies

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 16:34

This happened last night and it’s playing on my mind. We went for a meal for my Dads birthday, me and DP couldn’t really afford it so he didn’t come and I said he was poorly to lower the cost. My and my sister were paying. There was me, her, her husband, her 4 year old and our Dad. I picked them all up and didn’t drink so that I could drop them off after, all other adults drank, they had 2 bottles of wine between them and 4 beers. The 4 year old had an adults steak costing £22 (and wasted 2/3- just pointing out so you know they didn’t have a cheap kids meal) the others all offered from specials between £19–27 and my sister and her husband had starters. I had an £11 pizza and a sprite.
At the end my sister messaged me saying I’ve been and paid our share if you want to go pay the rest (so Dad wouldn’t try pay). When I got there I was told the amount and said to the waitress “my sister has already paid some” with it being so expensive and she corrected me saying yes this is what’s left. She had paid half of the bill exactly, aibu to ask her to pay a little extra? She knows I’m broke and probably already worked out why DP didn’t really come. I expected they would divide the bill by 5 for the per person cost and me pay for 1.5 people and not 2.5! The amount it cost me I might as well have taken DP.

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 24/04/2022 17:51

And I hope your DH gets another job soon.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 24/04/2022 17:53

You should of been clear op , sometimes pride and embarrassment need to be put aside when your skint . Did you sister understand his skint you are ? . Honestly I would of said something before to your ds and said I really can’t afford half the bill .

alltheteeshirts · 24/04/2022 17:54

I would have thought it fairly obvious that the OP and her sister had agreed to split their DF's costs, not the whole bill. It would have made sense to split 50:50 if the child had eaten a negligible amount and both partners had been there, but that's not what happened.

I think the OP should have paid first, seeing as she had less to cover, with the sister mopping up the balance, not the other way around.

But it's happened now, and they're related, so it should be an easy conversation to get sorted. I'd send a message along the lines of: "Hey - just realised I massively overpaid last night with DP away. We're a bit skint at the moment with DP losing his job last month, so could you please wire me the £XX so I'm only paying for me, half of dad's and our share of the service charge? Thanks again for a great night out."

girlmom21 · 24/04/2022 17:54

Your sister is an arse. She knew exactly what she was doing because if she wasn’t doing it on purpose she’d have waited and paid together. She even said ‘our share’ rather than ‘my half’.

WTAFFF · 24/04/2022 18:18

i think this is disgraceful. Who thinks it’s acceptable to agree to pay for your DF’s meal but then expect one person to effectively subsidise EVERYONE else.

Moochio · 24/04/2022 18:30

Shes absolutely talking the piss. I'd be livid. Message her and tell her she's bang out of order putting you on the spot like that and you were only paying for yours and half of dad's and you're in tears as you can't afford it and feel taken advantage of.

Mamaof2males · 24/04/2022 18:36

it Is inexcusable OP, she could’ve done the decent thing and actually paid for her family and dad too under the circumstances but at the very lest she should’ve been fair. She knew exactly what she was doing and the fact you had £11 pizza and their 4yo had a £22 steak she knew exactly what she had planned on doing before they ordered!

TheRocketWillFly · 24/04/2022 19:03

Also what a waste buying a big steak for a small child. Not only for the money, but an animal at least shouldn’t have to be killed just to end up in the bin.

BarbaraofSeville · 24/04/2022 19:05

Iamthewombat · 24/04/2022 17:36

She shouldn’t have had to make it clear, though, should she? The OP is skint, her sister knows that, OP drove and only had a cheap dinner, clearly because she was a bit short. What sort of sister needs to have this stuff spelled out to her?

Show quote history

All of this. Why on earth should the have to spell it out at the beginning that she was ordering the minimum for herself because she was very skint. This is the worst aspect of bill splitting. People who order the cheapest things off the menu so they can afford to eat out are still expected to cough up for the more expensive choices of others that they didn't even get to enjoy themselves.

If the sister was a half decent person she would have covered the entire bill herself seeing as the OPs share was so little and they're clearly not short of money if they think ordering an adult sized steak for a 4 YO is reasonable.

OP, I'd definitely say something to her. Otherwise you will always remember the time that your £15 or so of food and drink cost two or three times that due to your sister being a complete CF.

Discovereads · 24/04/2022 19:08

Ponderingwindow · 24/04/2022 16:44

You should only be paying for your meal and 1/2 of your dad’s. She should cover all of her family.

I understand not making a scene at the restaurant, but you should address this with her and ask for reimbursement.

Yes this is exactly how I would have expected it to go. You split the birthday persons meal & drinks and then each pay for your own meal(s) and drink(s).

1FootInTheRave · 24/04/2022 19:09

Your sister is horrible.

RandomQuest · 24/04/2022 19:15

Your sister is a CF. And this is speaking as someone whose 4YO does often eat (and actually eat all of it) an adult fillet steak. But I’d never expect anyone else to fit the bill for that. You agreed to cover your dad, nothing more.

Ohquietone · 24/04/2022 19:20

That is really crappy of your sister. Regardless of your financial situation who thinks it’s fine to go out, order expensive food for their family and expect someone else to split the bill. It makes it so much worse that she knows your financial situation. I’d say something to her!

Cakeandcardio · 24/04/2022 19:22

Nah. That's not on. She should have paid the whole bill, given you were driving them about and are facing a period of hardship. She's a right CF. When my sis was going through a hard time, I always tried to pay more or pay first so she wouldn't have to. Do you think she deliberately paid the bill like that so you were forced into paying for her? She's nasty. And her 4 year old is a spoilt brat.

NoodleNuts · 24/04/2022 19:23

My and my sister were paying.

Now if me and my brother had agreed that we were paying for a parents birthday meal, I would expect that we would pay half the total cost each. So in that respect, I agree with your sister. If you couldn't afford that then you should have made it clear that you were paying for yourself and half of dad's meal only.

Having said that, I have been stitched up by my brother (or more specifically, his DW) on enough occasions that I now refuse to go out for meals with them Grin. My parents are happy, they get two birthday meals out - one with me and one with him!

Therealjudgejudy · 24/04/2022 19:27

Wow, your sister is a piece of work!

BarbaraofSeville · 24/04/2022 19:28

Now if me and my brother had agreed that we were paying for a parents birthday meal, I would expect that we would pay half the total cost each

Even when the OP is a party of one and did all the driving and they are a party of three? And that's before the OPs financial situation and ordering modestly to mitigate the cost is taken into account.

Every time this sort of thing comes up, I'm astonished as to how many people seem to start from a position that they can order as much food as they like without needing to pay for it, because they will just let others pick up the tab for a good portion of what they ate, even when those others are known to be not well off and obviously trying to stick to a budget.

Gagaandgag · 24/04/2022 20:04

Why did she message you instead of speak to you in person? I’d never do this to anyone. Do you think you are going to talk to her about it?

Lizziekisss · 24/04/2022 20:05

So they are a family of three and you are one. In whose world would splitting the bill50/50 be fair, plus they had booze and you taxied them all. Mmmm....

Jalepenojello · 24/04/2022 20:09

That’s shocking OP. Surely you should have covered your own food then 50/50 for your father? She is taking the piss

humdrumholybean · 24/04/2022 20:11

What I would do is tell your sister, you would like the money back for their meal and drinks you paid for, if she declines don't by any of her family any presents at Christmas and keep the cash.

When she complains say its for the meal the CF kept. 😚

Marmite27 · 24/04/2022 20:13

I’d have paid for mine and half of my dads and messaged her back to say there was still an outstanding amount on her bill!

Original poster
FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 20:53

I brought the receipt home because I was shocked at the time and wondered if maybe there was a service charge or something I had been stuck with.
I’ve looked through and worked out the cost for mine and half of Dads, I’m going to message her now and just say why DP didn’t come and that it was a lot more that I had budgeted for. She has planned a party for her child’s birthday in a month and I was going to do the food instead of a present, I might mention how realistically I have spent the money I had put aside for that last night with it being double what I had expected…. She won’t want to make the food herself and I don’t mind so that might persuade her. I will send a picture of the bill too to give her chance to do some maths.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 24/04/2022 20:59

Why are you paying for any meal when you can’t afford it?

Everyone here is unreasonable:

  1. you are for not saying you can’t afford it anymore
  2. your Sister for not being considerate of your situation
  3. your dad for allowing you to pay when you clearly can’t afford it.
and why would you go halves when 7/10 of the meal is hers based only on attendees?
Aprilx · 24/04/2022 21:04

FreetheKhalo · 24/04/2022 20:53

I brought the receipt home because I was shocked at the time and wondered if maybe there was a service charge or something I had been stuck with.
I’ve looked through and worked out the cost for mine and half of Dads, I’m going to message her now and just say why DP didn’t come and that it was a lot more that I had budgeted for. She has planned a party for her child’s birthday in a month and I was going to do the food instead of a present, I might mention how realistically I have spent the money I had put aside for that last night with it being double what I had expected…. She won’t want to make the food herself and I don’t mind so that might persuade her. I will send a picture of the bill too to give her chance to do some maths.

You should say something, but don’t bring the childrens party into it. You don’t have to justify your point like that.