To feel embarrassed that DH has a career and I don’t

[Joolz90]

I feel like a failure. 30 with no career and he is doing so well. What does he see in me 😢

You’re 30 you have plenty of time to build a career. Maybe just put in some achievable plans (even small steps) instead of just feeling sorry for yourself. That’s not going to achieve much.

I don't know what he sees in you, shall we have a look?

List things that you HAVE achieved - as many as you can think of.

Are you a parent at all?

What job DO you do?

What do you WANT to do?

Does he like your personality by any chance? I'm sure he does?

2 beautiful kids, I do work but it is nothing special, I’m an advisor for an FM help desk

Presumably you didn’t fall in love with him or decide to marry him because of the job he does? I imagine he feels the same about you - you fall in love with someone for the person they are. Do not put yourself down - celebrate your achievements and your strengths, and decide what you want to change or improve and go for it 😊

This sounds more like it is an issue you have with yourself rather than him with you.

If you would like to have a career, think about what you want to do and start making a plan to achieve it. 30 is no age at all. You'll easily have 40 working years ahead of you. I'm 39 this year and due to qualify in a new career next spring. About half of my cohort at uni are mature students with DC.

Get a plan and sort it.

I went back to Uni at that age, it didn't quite work out jobwise but it's been interesting ever since. Tho I must admit I "retired" from being employed by other people a fair few years ago...

I do remember telling a milkround employer I felt old at 30 and actually was told so by a member of the profession but it's bollocks. Loads of time.

its not too late to start one now. Have you got any qualifications that you can build on? Please don’t fall into the trap of having a low-paying job so that your husband can soar in his career. I’ve seen this end badly so often.

I have some A Levels but that’s the thing, I don’t want to fall into that trap at all I’ve just been focused on the kids for the past few years just wanted to know it’s not too late at all?

OP, surely if you really wanted a career you would have pursued one before now? You were presumably happy to not bother with one for the entire decade of your twenties, so what has changed?
Why are you now making unfavourable comparisons with DH? Do you fear being seen as lesser, or that he will seek a higher earning/status partner? Or are you simply bored or dissatisfied with your current job?
Is there some field of work you wish you had studied for, and want to transfer to now?
I think you need to look at your motivation- is it just insecurity, and a self esteem issue, or do you have a definite career plan in mind? Would a chat with a life coach/career counsellor help?

What does career mean to you? What's the difference between working and a career? I think you need to really think what it means so then you know what you are looking for and make an action plan.

exactly that what a PP said, don’t stay in low paid jobs as it ends badly…I’m a failure

Why has it never been important to me I don’t understand?

Did you post some other threads about this recently?

First step:to figure out what the motivation is and to write that down as a set of goals.

there’s a difference between the motivation being “I want to out do or match X person” versus “I want to make something of my life in Y way”. You really need to work out what the core motivation is because otherwise you’ll find it very hard to motivate yourself, congratulate yourself and keep forging forward.

once you’ve figured out the goal and the motivation then comes the task of assessing strengths weaknesses resources and making plans and actionable task lists.

I feel the same OP ☹️ x

Do you want a career? You don't have to you know.

What do you want to do? What are you passionate about? What are you good at?

I didn't have a "career" type job until I was 32. Plenty of time yet.

I had no career (and young children) at 30. Just over a decade later and I have climbed. higher than I could ever have imagined professionally. It took some clever juggling and ignoring housework /getting DH to do it and gritting my teeth and working even when I was shattered. But I am so glad I didn't write myself off at 30!

Me too. I had always had dull jobs with very poor pay and worse prospects until 32. I wanted to do well - and had done well at school and uni where it was just a case of learning and revising - but had terrible self esteem and low confidence so took knock-backs too hard and didn’t keep pushing. I really wasn’t equipped for the world of work where confidence, tenacity and being prepared to go out of your comfort zone are more important than what you know.

But I finally got a break and ten years on I’m quite happy with my career. It’s not over at 30.

Eh? OP - he married YOU, not a job description!

You have lots of time OP. What are you doing to fix this situation?

30 is nothing. I completely changed direction at 28 when my previous "career" turned to ratshit. Sat down, had a damn good think about what I wanted to do then re trained for that. You have time on your side, and the desire to change things-what more do you need?

Do you enjoy your job?

I didn’t have a ‘career’ until I was 34. I was happy in my job and had no desire to change it. The change came after a traumatic event, I would probably be doing the same thing now and enjoying it.

Has your Dh said something to make you feel this way?

Facilities management is a growth area and one that you could definitely make into a career if you wanted to.

With the recent commitment to Netzero by 2050 companies are starting to realise they need Environmental objectives and repotting. That means they need to have full insight into the facilities they own and lease, the energy/water/waste consumption, servicing of heat/cooling apparatus......

So we'll see more and more FM roles, procurement is another area where companies are needing to get smarter, who are their suppliers, are those suppliers secure, delivering a high quality, meeting legislative reqs, committing to environmental objectives, delivering on those objectives.......

IF and it is IF you decide you want a career then you have a base to build on from your current experience. It's completely up to you.

I feel the same too. DH just had a bonus which I'd have to work 14 months to earn. I'm waiting for our youngest to start school and then I'm hoping to retrain