To feel embarrassed that DH has a career and I don’t

[Joolz90]

I feel like a failure. 30 with no career and he is doing so well. What does he see in me 😢

I did not go to university, had my children and went back part time at age 34 . Worked in a small company and worked my way up to Director and then was part of a management buy out . Of course you can do something.

You could go into facilities management; you could get a health and safety qualification. Do you have any hobbies, special interests, or skills/talents? You say you're an fm advisor bit don't mention for what company. That company might offer a entry level role that could lead to a bigger role....

All the best

Depressingly you probs have about 40 years of work ahead of you! Too late? You're not even a quarter of the way through your working life!!!

Decide what you want to do and make a plan.

Did you post about this recently?

Is there something that you would really like to do? There are so many women on here with different jobs, if you know what you'd like to do then there will always be someone to ask about it.

I really don’t know, it would be nice to just have a career and earning decent money

Neither of my parents had careers they had jobs that paid the rent and provided for the family. If you wanted to see it as careers then their careers were raising a family.

but Most people have careers don’t they?

I really get this. I have a career of sorts but it's not high powered or high earning in anyway and I recently have found myself wanting more and comparing myself to my partner and high achieving friends and family. Maybe it's because my kids are getting older and I am too. My confidence plummeted for awhile but I'd really like to develop myself now.
I've made a plan and have thrown myself into job applications at the moment. Who knows what will come of it but I've got the hunger now. But the focus on improving yourself, good luck :)

Lots of people don’t.

Are you the poster that wanted to leave their job and do midwifery?

No they don't. Most people have jobs that pay the bills - not careers.

Come on! It's not too late. Think what you'd like to do and then work out a way to do it. There are places that can give advice. Why not do an Open University degree to start off with? You can study around the children and in the evenings. My DP did that while working full time and got a better job. If you don't want to do that, maybe a job that trains you while you work? How much do you want to change? If you do nothing then nothing will change.

but Most people have careers don’t they?
I'd say most people go to work to get money. What does a career mean? I have a job that requires a minimum of a undergraduate degree (I have masters) and we sit in an office and work on million £ contracts. Do I consider I have a career? No. I have a job that pays my bills and would live to be independently wealthy so I'd never had to open my laptop again.

Having a career is not the be all and end all. Who cares if you have a career or not? If you had really wanted one surely you would have done something about it by now, if you don't want one then carry on as you are. There is so much more to life than work.

OP, you sound very vague. Not sure if it’s general demotivation due to the situation or if you like the idea of having a career without having any interest in it. Most career people generally have a good idea of what they enjoy doing, what their strengths are, what they would like to get better at, where they want to be in 2, 5, 10 years. Do you have any of these in mind? What kind of career do you want?

What is the actual point of this thread? You've not replied to any of the very real and helpful advice people have given you.

Sorry, thanks so much for all the advice. I don’t understand why I am so bothered about it now? Surely I would have got a career ages ago if it was what I really wanted?

Yeah, I thought that, so I retrained and went and got a career instead. I was 35. Completely possible. Life's too short for regrets, and def too short to sit around without your own money.

@Copperpottle I don’t even know where to start though? How did you decide what to do and how long did it take?

Having a complain about how hard everything is is so much more popular than actually doing things :)

I took a side gig working with a group/workshop thing to encourage women into tech, and I wouldn't do it again as frankly it was people who'd sign up and arrive only to spend the whole session insisting they 'just couldn't' and it was 'too hard' and they were 'just not bright enough'.

It really opened my eyes as to how damaged a lot of women's confidence is that they will take that first step but rapidly talk themselves out of it, spending an uncomfortable amount of time insisting to tutors and strangers that they're 'stupid'. They wouldn't attempt the simple exercises or read the material for a course they'd literally signed up to attend! I tried to sympathise, but it seemed like they honestly just came along to convince themselves it was impossible.

I enjoy computers and coding challenges, so went on a three month intensive course and was hired as a developer immediately after. Every year or two since, a new role, challenges and a nice new salary.

You need.to identify something you can do that earns enough money to be worth it, something with a good future. Tech is also very flexible, which is a big bonus. I've also known parents who've trained in Quality Assurance and software testing, business analyst roles as well as UX and design.

I’m really not into tech, I’m quite basic compared to most people with computers, everything that I enjoy probably wouldn’t make me any money!

degrees take at least 3 years and are you even guaranteed a job at the end of it?

I feel ambitious but I don’t know which avenue to take.

And yes it’s definitely easy to to sit around and moan about it, I really do have this drive to do something about it but don’t know what to do, I’ve sat and thought about what I would enjoy, working with animals, people etc but the money is naff!

I do hope it's not your DH making you feel this way OP. Because sounds to me like you're a success - raising 2 lovely kids (I'm guessing most of the childcare falls to you) and also working. Which of course is what allows your DH to do well in his career.

Why do you keep posting the same threads?