Always the one doing lifts

[Shiningstarr]

One of my DS is 15. He's got a group of friends that live locally, and they go out often, sometimes to the nearest city on the train, or just around our village.

The train station isn't too far away, but it isn't accessible by foot, so we give him lifts when he needs them. He usually sends a text when he needs a lift, and he will always ask if his friends can have a lid too.

This is no problem and we always oblige. They always say thanks and are really polite.

Now here comes the bit which annoys me. None of the other boys parents ever give a lift, or say thanks for dropping their boys home. It's become almost expected. DH and I both work full time, and have 2 other children, we are busy just like everyone is.

Aibu to expect the other parents to take a turn in being the taxi?

Yanbu. But from experience, until you say, "sorry can't do lifts this time" things won't change.

YANBU, that would do my head in OP!

Taxi fare tin? Cfers.

Can you tell your son to get one of the others to ask their parents?

If the boys say thanks and are polite then I wouldn’t really expect the parents to also say thanks?

Do the parents know the boys are having lifts?

I ask because my dad was a lift refuser - my parents thought I should walk everywhere to the point where I was nervous to ask for lifts and if I did get one I’d wait outside ready to jump in the car the moment he got there. I’d have been a bit worried to ask my dad but would have gladly accepted a lift from the more laid back / willing parents and I don’t think my parents ever really knew if I got lifts, they just assumed I’d walked from wherever

The train station isn't accessible by foot? How very peculiar.

While you aren't being unreasonable, maybe you should suggest to your son that maybe someone else would ask their parents for a lift instead. Pretty sure that, because you always say yes, you are the only one being asked.

I see where you are coming from, however, I don’t always give my children lifts as I’m at work/taking another child to a club/busy and it’s up to them to make their own way to places. If another parent wants to be taxi then that’s up to them.

just another point of view there (as a disclaimer I do actually give lots of lifts)

A train station not accessible by foot surely is much good for those who need trains?

Isn't much good...

Yes, we did all the lifts. To some extent I didn't mind because DH was retired. Also I did it for our DC benefit because if we didn't do the lifts no one did.
Village no public transport.
It's why village kids all get their license and learn to drive as soon as they are 17.

The train station is accessible by foot, but there is no pavement between our village and the next village, and it's a main road. So you could walk but it would be dangerous.

I agree with all replies and feel that people have just got used to us doing the lifts.

Re: parents thanking us, on the odd occasion another parent has dropped my son home, I always drop them a quick message to say thanks. Maybe people think this is not needed, and maybe it isn't needed but it's just something that comes naturally to me.

It's nice to acknowledge people when they have helped you out.

Why not just say to your son, "Look, I'm happy to give you lifts but I feel quite taken advantage of by other parents here. Next time you are all wanting a lift just say my mum is a bit pissed off about this, let's ask one of your parents."

The kids are 15, I think this is really unnecessary, them saying thank you themselves is enough IMO

Rude. I thank people to the high heavens for giving myself or my loved ones a lift. What is wrong with these people?

But can you blame the kids for their parents' bad attitude? Yes, the parents may think 'she's been thanked' but they should thank you for delivering their most precious offspring home too.

Would I stop the lifts on this basis? Probably not, assuming I had the time and money, because I would want them to be safe and would want to safeguard myself against blaming myself if something happened to them.

I often do the lifts too. But like a pp my ‘D’M would never drive me anywhere and we lived rurally with one bus a day which was generally useless for where we were going. It was hugely embarrassing to rely on lifts all the time but my friends parents ended up knowing I couldn’t get about otherwise and they made my pretty awful adolescence a bit less isolated by dropping me home even when it was out of their way.

im sure this can’t be the case for everyone you are dropping home so I’d say to my DC to ask another parent to do it.

It's nice to acknowledge people when they have helped you out.

^ you haven't helped them out though, their child would have gotten home by foot otherwise. You've helped the child child said thanks.

True. How rude of me to thank people unnecessarily I'll stop.

they should thank you for delivering their most precious offspring home

hilarious

Just say no?

Maybe their parents expect them to make their own way around? They may have bought them bikes for this purpose for example, therefore don't actually expect (or care whether) you give lifts.

Just drive from your house to the station and back. His friends can then either make their own way to the station or go home from yours.

I would occasionally ask my son if he could cage a lift from another parent ( rugby drop off at train). I always offered lifts if I saw a kid waiting and my son would ask me to take a friend, but I got sick of taking the same kids to a fro. I decided to call the other parents and set up a rota.

How many young people are you providing with lifts home from the station? Say 3, so a total of four people.

I'd ask DS a good week before the next planned outing why you are always the ones providing the lift, whether he thinks that is fair and then take it from there, once you understand the situation.

If the other parents are unable to help, just haven't been asked or even perhaps think it's good for them to find their own transport you will be able to decide what you are prepared to do.

I was conscious of the fact I never seemed to be the parent giving lifts to my teens, but it was because other parents kept picking them up for journeys I'd have been quite happy (preferred for the exercise) to let them walk or cycle.

I'd send DS off expecting him to walk home and he'd arrive back in someone else's car. He wasn't going to say no when offered, but equally he'd be fine walking.

Have you asked your ds if he is offering them lifts or if they are asking/expecting them? ds used to be quick to offer lifts to everyone until we ask him to try to make sure others took a turn sometimes. At 15 your ds is old enough to do this.