To think I just need to live in a messy dirty house?

[Ohsoworried]

I'm a lone parent to a 3yo. I work 5 days a week and he's in nursery, pick him up at 6, come home, get him bathed, snack, stories, cuddles. he's in bed at 8. I get a few bits done, laundry, surfaces wiped, Sweep etc. But I just don't have enough time to get any sort of decent cleaning done. Weekends he has clubs and again, I get a few bits done but I really need to spend time with my son and actually have a bit of time to relax otherwise my whole life would literally be mum duties and cleaning. It's starting to get me down. I'm mog lazy, I'm super productive, but I just don't have time. Does anyone else have the same issue?

He does gymnastics and swimming and he's coming along so well in both. He absolutely loves them!

I am sure he does but it’s important that your needs are met. Swimming is a life skill so would continue but swap the gymnastics for a cleaner.

Can you imagine coming home on a Friday night to a fresh smelling sparkling home - what a treat for you both. A cleaner also forces you to keep on top of stuff and tidy up before they arrive so that they can get to do the cleaning efficiently.

Toys were always a bane of my life - I still come out in a rash remembering the sound of a crate of Lego being tipped out on our wooden floors just before bed. I put up a high shelf and took one box down at a time. Also ruthless decluttering of toys - the average child will have gone through literally HUNDREDS by the age of 5. Less stuff less to tidy.

Op you sound like you are bringing up a happy healthy child in difficult tiring circumstances, yes you probably do have to have a house that is messier end rather than show home, but this is because you are rightly imo prioritising work and your child.

My house is messy because me and DH work fulltime, have 3 kids and are lazy. I try and keep the living room and kitchen clean the rest is not my priority and I can live with that.

I guess I am trying to say can you make peace with imperfection?

@Peppapigforlife kids clothes are the Bain of my life, so much washing. They constantly grow out of everything, mess it all up, rip it up. I feel like every month I am sorting through the whole lot, what’s beyond repair, what no longer fits and is for charity, what has been stuffed in a corner and needs to go in the wash. What new clothes do they need, then procure new clothes including school uniforms etc. Vacuum lack for the younger one it goes on and on. I probably hang up 70 pairs of tiny socks week

I feel your pain.

I'm a LP, my ds is older (17) and also disabled so needs support as can't travel alone etc.

On top of that he's a swimmer and trains 2-3 hours 8 times a week over 6 days and then competes at weekends sometimes.

I also work FT.

I just do t have the inclination to spend my free time cleaning if I'm entirely honest. I do the basics and we are tidy but I'd like the house to be cleaner.

I'm seriously considering hiring a cleaner tbh. I've always felt outsourcing it is lazy but actually cleaners are probably working mums like me who have a job to fit around their own lives too.

Single mum, work full-time and some, have a 9 year old and my house is constantly a tip and makes me desperately unhappy too. Too exhausted in the week to do much except maintaining a level of order so spend my weekends doing housework/laundry. It's no fun.

My only advice is monthly clear outs of unplayed with toys and clothing that doesn't fit/is spoiled. The more crap you have the more they get out and make a mess with.

And the biggest point: a place for everything. Make sure every single thing lives somewhere, that way it's easier to tidy and your son will learn where things go and will help you as he grows up. Lots of storage if you've the room.

I don't have a cleaner anymore but if you can afford one - do it! 2 hours costs the same as a decent takeaway and bottle of wine. It's so worth it! Good luck with everything.

OP, if you can financially afford a cleaner, even every fortnight for a couple hours, do it.

The money is worth it (if it's there) to make you feel a little calmer. They can take care of the things that need occasional but not constant cleaning (e.g. skirting boards, dusting of shelves, etc.). And it means that if you can't get to something like a sink, you know someone will be by soon to help.

Do it as much as you can afford. Can't recommend highly enough.

He's 3. The floor gets covered with toys. Pretty sure that's normal for a 3yo.

It's normal for a 3yo if left to their own devices maybe, but are you not playing with him? I only ask as it's literally never happened in our house. DS has been taught about putting the previous toy away before getting another toy out since he was a baby and at 3 now does this completely of his own volition, whether an adult is in the room with him or not.

I have a driveway that has tonnes of leaves blown up into it and if I don't Sweep it it turns in to mulch and then it's really disgusting.

Mulch doesn't happen overnight, you could easily sweep it fortnightly/once a month and still avoid it happening.

Like others have mentioned, a lot of the tasks you talk about don't need to be done every day, or even every week. But it seems like you're unable to break the individual tasks down in your mind, so that, for example, cleaning the bathroom doesn't have to be just one hour long task, but lots of smaller tasks that you split across the week.

It depends what you can put up with. I couldn’t live like that. I’m a single mum of two, work full time and I’m disabled (I get full PIP). My mental health would be through the floor if my house was dirty and a mess. My home needs to feel like my sanctuary. If you don’t mind then that’s up to you. When he starts having friends round you might want to clean a bit more in case he gets teased. And a dirty house will almost certainly smell, which isn’t fair for a child having friends round imo.

Oh and once a year I get a skip and fill it. I’ve found that even mild hoarding can make you miserable.

I agree that you just can't do everything. But it shouldn't be necessary to live in a dirty house either (well not by normal person standards - many of us live in houses that are dirty by Mumsnet standards).

Set a few minimum standards - sink and toilet get cleaned twice a week, full hoover once a week, etc. Allocate one hour on Saturday morning and one on Sunday morning to clean while DC watches cartoons. Just do enough to keep the place ticking over, and you'll be fine.

Just in case it's useful - Bathroom quick clean while kids are in Bath. What worked for me. Keep a couple of microfibre cloths & a bathroom cleaning spray in the room.

1. While bath is shower on, use microfibre cloth to clean mirror. Doesn't need any cleaning spray if it's steamy.
2. Wipe basin & taps with the cloth. Shouldn't need spray unless it's hot a build-up of scum.
3. Toilet - use loo paper to dry wipe round hinges if you have boys in the house. Quick spray if cleaner on seat, lid & round hinges. Wipe with loo roll & throw in bin. Take loo brush & Brush round the bowl & rim. Flush, rinsing brush in the water. Squirt loo cleaner round inside loo & leave it to work.
4. Floor - while kids are in bath & it's wet anyway, wipe round with a floor cloth or mop.
5. Wipe surfaces with microfibre cloth.
6. If time, wipe skirting, door, doorframe etc while kids in bath.
7. Kids out of bath, rinse round with shower head, quick wipe round while it's wet.
8. If there's a glass shower screen, spray with daily shower spray straight after the shower is used, to stop limescale & scum building up.

This whole routine used to take me under 10 mins while kids were in the bath.

Not having much stuff helps to clean rooms very quickly.

Also if I have vaccum out I do everything, run it across skirting boards and windowsills, over book shelves with the soft small brush. Like stuff getting a microfire cloth and wiping windowsills or shelves.

I do empathise but I also think you are making it a bit bigger than it needs to be.

I'm a single parent to 3. Very little involvement from their father & one DC does not see him at all so I always have her & her activities to deal with. I work f/t.

My kids are early teen / pre teen & all have jobs which they do, but I'm still drowning in housework.

They do many sports so we are literally on the go all weekend (I feel I should reduce this, but they love their sports).

I am at a loss as to how a 3 yo & one adult can generate that much cleaning.
For me, I try and do a version of organised mum tho very much my own version, as in jobs in quick pockets of time eg 15 min ironing, toilets, sinks - all done separately

I find my kids mess it up very easily, and while they will clean, it's not as good as I'd like.

I know that having clutter, which I do in several rooms, is adding to the time to clean, so I'm trying to deal with that.

I can't afford it right now but I think I will aim to get a cleaner eventually. Funnily, I like cleaning, it's just the time element.

For you, I'd do a schedule of certain tasks on certain days & stick to that. Limit toddler mess to certain areas.

I would try to declutter if you have loads of stuff. I got rid of 80% of our belongings when I didn’t have much spare time. The result was a much cleaner and calmer home.

Sorry - one other point (ironically as I do a speed hoover & mop in a 30 min gap before going to collect a child!)

I find that when I'm low - sad, stressed, lonely, angry (any or all!) - my ability to make clear decisions & tackle jobs is rubbish. A small job can seem like a Herculean task.

And when I'm a positive mood, I can get so much done, and importantly accept the limitations of what I can do.

Maybe this could be a factor for you too?

Clean the toilet and wipe the sink while DS is in the bath.
When he’s in the bath and you’re going to have a wash & brush your teeth; wash down the bath.
when he is sat eating dinner and you’ve finished / eating later, clean the kitchen sides.
Mop in a morning before you leave the house.

if you can’t squeeze things in, get a cleaner.

Like a pp, I’d always clean the bathroom while the kids were in the bath. Or bring the clean laundry and fold while they’re in the bath. I gave up ironing years ago, and only ever use it for shirts for weddings or whatever, so that’s one less thing to do.

we have ikea kallax for kids toys so at the end of the day it’s easy to scoop and dump toys into (and the kids help with that). Keep the messy stuff up high so he can’t just tip them out bulky himself.

I also got a feather duster and got them involved with cleaning when they were about 3. Yeah it may not get done up to some folks standards, but it’s something.

its easy to get overwhelmed by the amount of jobs that need doing, but doing little child is as and when certainly breaks it down to something more manageable.

I think you need to stop him trashing him room. It should not be getting trashed in 5 minutes. Tell him firmly that is not acceptable.
The floor doesn’t need to be covered with toys either. I’ve got 3 DC; my boys are 4 & 2 and they don’t trash their rooms or get all the toys out at once. Be firmer with him and if you play with him instead then it won’t happen.

Slightly irrelevant - but a 3 year old who’s in nursery full time doesn’t needs clubs etc at the weekend. Sure - in school - loads of activities and clubs open up and are useful but he’s getting what he needs at nursery re art music dance exercise and learning in an EYFS setting so weekends could be total downtime, no clubs (just swimming maybe) and some time for you to catch up on Chores and rest.

My tip is to clean bathroom bloody quickly while waiting for bath to fill/child to shower etc.

OP, just don't worry about it. Your son will never look back and remember fondly all the times you wiped the floor. He will, however, remember you doing stuff with him. My house has looked as if it had been burgled for about 20 years and is only now starting to look a bit less so (now that the DC are mostly not here).

You need to start small

start with one room (the easiest one) when you have completed that room keep on top of it then move onto the next. You will soon get into a routine of just doing it.

dont use a timer that can be really off putting that you have to spend 15min in one room cleaning. Take a photo of before and after so you can see the difference.
Something visual is better then using a timer.

pick one small thing to do then if you feel like doing more do more but if not don’t do it.

Don’t overwhelm your self make small changes make a big difference.

Check out The Minimal Mom on YouTube.

She is a decluttering genius and lives as a Mom minimalist.

I have been minimising my stuff for six months and I am now at the stage where I can pick up a room in 10 mins and surfaces are easy to wipe down.

It has been life changing for me.

My 8 years old still destroys his bedroom everyday but because he has 80% less stuff it's quickly tidied.

op, at 3 years old he doesn’t need clubs at the weekends. Just stay home and spend time together whilst getting your cleaning done and just venture out for a trip to the park or the shops.

Baths, sinks, showers, toilet etc should just be wiped round after you use them. Takes 30 secs. Put loo cleaner in before you go to bed, quickly run the brush round when you get up. Those jobs don't take long.