To think I just need to live in a messy dirty house?

[Ohsoworried]

I'm a lone parent to a 3yo. I work 5 days a week and he's in nursery, pick him up at 6, come home, get him bathed, snack, stories, cuddles. he's in bed at 8. I get a few bits done, laundry, surfaces wiped, Sweep etc. But I just don't have enough time to get any sort of decent cleaning done. Weekends he has clubs and again, I get a few bits done but I really need to spend time with my son and actually have a bit of time to relax otherwise my whole life would literally be mum duties and cleaning. It's starting to get me down. I'm mog lazy, I'm super productive, but I just don't have time. Does anyone else have the same issue?

How about getting a robot hoover? Then it can do the floors for you while you're at work/wherever, and will free up that tedious task

Could you pay someone to sweep the drive? Who's trees are they? They only get covered in leaves during the autumn surely? At that time of year you'd probably be able to find a gardener who'd do some trimming and sweeping to help you out.

Things are temporary.

I know plenty of people who go from a lovely home, to having kids and living with mess until they are older.

Not a big deal in the great scheme of life.

You are doing the other much more important things in life.

I’m a lone parent to an 12 year old and have always struggled with this.

I like my home to be clean and reasonably well ordered but I can’t be arsed to worry about a bit of clutter and I will never (and have no desire to) live in a show home.

It’s about deciding how much mess you can live with. I find a very messy room makes it hard to relax in so I will tend to do it when I notice it. But I won’t prioritise this over quality time with my child or friends. It’s about moderation and making it work for you.

I do recommend a cleaner if you can afford one. Mine only comes once a fortnight but it makes it manageable enough that I can keep on top of it in between cleans and that I only do a big clean once every two weeks ad opposed to once a week.

For the fridge (this works for most other stuff too!) I have fridge liners BUT if I spill something, I clean it there and then. Same if it's dirty, clean it. I can't remember when I last cleaned my fridge as it doesn't need it because I do it as I spill something. If that makes any sense
Works with marks on walls, skirtings etc. Grab whatever is to hand
Clean the bathroom sink and toilet while DC are in the bath

I honestly not understand why you can't clean a bathroom in 10 minutes and a livingroom in 15. Whenever I see people complaining about cleaning taking so long it's because they've too much crap. I've a 4 bedroom 3 story house and can get it cleaned in an hour. Throw out whatever crap you have taking up surfaces.

Where's their dads?

Do what you can though. It sounds like you are trying to do everything and achieving nothing.

I do the 15 minutes before work (although not the hoovering because I would wake everyone) and the 30 minutes when I get home, sometimes I break this into 2 x 15 minutes.

Mine is far away due to a restraining order.

10 minutes 3 times a days makes a big difference. Ruthlessly declutter and don’t get big amounts of new stuff in and then absolutely yes lower your standards to what is realistic and manageable because you can’t magic up more hours of the day. It really sounds to me that you have your priorities bang on.

Maybe I'm slow. I would struggle to clean a toilet, sink, shower, bath, floor, surfaces etc in 10 mins. I do find it hard to find motivation though because I'm so shattered so do accept that I can be v slow.

They don’t all need doing every day though. Shower one day, bath the next etc.

Comments like this really annoy me. Dishes, laundry, bed changes, dusting all happens whether you are in the house or not. Clothes need washing, dust needs clearing, breakfast and dinner dishes need doing and beds need changing.

I don't make sure the kids' rooms are always tidy.

Things that help me:
Shoes off when everyone comes in
Food and drink only at the table
Robot hoover
Run the washing machine every day (if full obviously)
Clean toilet once a day after I've used it (so am in there)
Keep cleaning things in each room that needs cleaning: kitchen, toilet, our 2 bathrooms
Dust my bedroom and DC bedroom with dirty clothes on the way to putting them in laundry basket
Wipe round sink with a face cloth after its been used and before putting in laundry

Your life is tough and exhausting right now.

Prioritise being calm, chilled, positive and attentive to your child so they have a calm and peaceful home. Try not to let the housework frustration pollute that priority.

If you get the basics of hygiene done - clean sink and toilet then you are ahead.

Dusty skirting boards and windows can wait.

I would also divert the Saturday clubs money to a cleaner for you especially for a 3 year old who is at nursery 5 days a week.

I have 4 teenagers and wasted a lot of time, energy, stress and money on pointless clubs and activities. It’s a racket playing on our guilt.

I think maybe you could drop some of the weekend clubs so that you're at home more? What clubs does a 3yo need to attend every weekend?

It sounds hard and I sympathise with you. You're doing too much.

The best time saver I have found is a duvet with a cover attached, grab it off bed throw it in machine and put the other one on bed. It dries quickly. Brilliant if you have a bedwetter. Don't stress about housework.

This is exactly how I approach it all - “good enough” so that I am not stressed or overwhelmed dreading taking on a big 4hr clean

little and often and good enough

Can you scrap the clubs? I didn't know any existed for 3 yo. You then have more time with your child on the weekend and will have more time to do housework.

On a Saturday morning my son has some chill out time with a movie while I fly around the house cleaning for an hour or so (I do general cleaning and then try to do one bigger job) We then crack on with our weekend. We're out of the house all week, I totally understand how the housework still magically stacks up!

He does gymnastics and swimming and he's coming along so well in both. He absolutely loves them!

Cleaning skirting boards, windows and fridge, and sweeping leaves are occasional tasks. Perhaps you could prepare a rota for those eg every 3 months. Put it in Google calendar as a reminder, to keep on top of it

If you set aside eg 15 mins per day for cleaning, and really go for it, you could probably get quite a bit done

My one top tip would be ruthless decluttering eg I can clean kitchen surfaces very quickly, because we don't have oil bottles, jars of cutlery etc on display. Everything lives in a cupboard

You sound a bit overwhelmed, but I think you can manage this. No need for a show home, but a messy, dirty house isn't inevitable

You didn't get in a mess overnight,and you won't fix it overnight, but if you make small, sustainable improvements, then it will be easier for you

I'm in a similar situation as a single mum, with an almost three year old. I'm contemplating putting all of her toys in the shed and only letting her have one or two things out at a time and spending more time out and about.
I'm also considering buying paper plates, cutlery and cups and living that way, as I have no space for a dishwasher. I know it's worse on the environment but I think my mental health needs it. I'm also thinking about downsizing the amount of clothes she has so I'm forced to do a wash every day or every other day rather than having piles of laundry looming over me to sort each week. I think the less stuff in the home, the harder it is for the mess to be created. It feels extreme though, so I'm not sure where to start with the minimalist stuff.

It’s relentless op you work full time and have a 3 year old you must be shattered. I do set jobs each morning. Load dishwasher and put it on. Wash up. Load washing machine and put on. Put out bins and recycling. Feed dogs. Feed dress and get children up. Tidy bedrooms. Get myself ready. In the evening I put laundry away and hang up another load to dry, unpack dishwasher, wipe surfaces and sweep kitchen floor.cook dinner and then more endless tasks about putting children to bed and nappies etc. During the week I do the upstairs so I might change sheets one day, Hoover the next, do the bathrooms the next day and dust the day after. By Friday the upstairs only is clean. Dh then does downstairs on Saturday morning as he just isn’t around during the week much as he works long hours. Every week the house is clean but there are two of us and it is tiring and relentless without taking into consideration cars and gardens and anything above a normal clean.

Where's their dads?
WTF? What has that got to do with you? Do you need to know so you can judge whether or not the OP and other single parent posters are justified in having messy homes and lots to do?

OP - I am a single parent to 3. Also work full time, also have a couple of side hussles to make ends meet. My house is sometimes a tip and it can take me a while to get it sorted again. I do my best. I am just one person. Having the roof over our heads, heating and food is the most important thing as is spending the evenings together rather than having me going nuts about cleaning. It's our home and we all deserve to relax in it.

Living in a messy dirty house is horrible for a child. I would prioritise getting on top of it before anything else, for a while at least.