AIBU to have not really enjoyed city break with DS and DC?

[Greyblueskies]

Namechanged for this as I feel weirdly embarrassed.

We just came back from a few days in a European city. We didn't pack the days with tons of cultural stuff that I would typically have liked to do - aware that DS is only 12. I tried to think of all our needs, and book stuff that would appeal.

And yet; DS was such a pain so much of the time. Always on about what he wanted (usually something sugary), or moaning about walking or doing other stuff. It was a real downer. And I'm embarrassed that I lost my sh*t a couple of times because I felt so resentful because we were really making sure his needs were met. And I'd like to think as grown ups, we're a good laugh - we're not 'stiff'.

We always made up, 'reset' and moved on but have come back feeling sad about it - sad that I have one DS, and thinking it might be better if he'd got siblings whilst away- but also sad that I reacted and couldn't just accept things when they got bad. And sad that really, it wasn't that much fun. Not for the cost, anyway.

Have I expected too much?

I wonder whether he was keen to go with you rather than be left behind?Not soo much that it was his choice of holiday?
My two DSs would've hated a city holiday at 12 so we didn't do them.
Plenty of time now they have flown nest.
My sister had an only child and always took a friend, that seemed to work.

As so many people have said, holidays with teenagers are hard! I really feel for you, OP, it's so frustrating when you are spending your hard earned money and holiday allowance, and a child is moany and reluctant. It sounds like you did everything you could.

I also have an only child and as she's got older, I've found the best holidays are when it's just her and me. She is much better when there is only one adult - more chatty and cooperative. Probably teen self-centredness and enjoying the attention. It also makes it easier to tailor the holiday to her wants - frequent returns to the accommodation to plug into the WiFi! I am always amazed by how much food and rest she needs.

I took my DC to Ibiza over Easter - AI so unlimited food and fizzy drinks, beach, indoor and outdoor pools, multiple sports on offer - they moaned about the wifi So a sibling or a different type of trip or more access to sugar doesn't necessarily equal no complaining DC!

i think a lot of this, for you is really misplaced sibling guilt. If you weren’t carrying that, then you’d have shrugged it off as a typical ungrateful teen. Which it is.

the bit above about it being reframed as amazing or That trip is absolute spot on. As a miserable grumpy arse of a teen I sulked my way around many family holiday that I now have very fond memories of, even if the rest of the family remembers differently.

i have an only, I do get the sibling guilt (complications at birth mean that I can’t ever carry another pregnancy). However a sibling really wouldn’t have made that trip better. I was one of three, holidays were a massive flashpoint for rows and all out fights. We each had different preferences and with the self centredness of teens we had no tolerance whatsoever of the others choices, so it was literally impossible for my parents to please us. I wanted a museum, my brother and sister played hell. A shopping trip, well, sis was happy but I hated it and took that frustration out by picking a fight with my brother.

it wasn’t fun. Can’t believe my parents kept trying to take us away tbh, it must have been bloody awful for them.

I also have one 12 year old DS. Don't feel guilty! From listening to my friends it's not usually any better if you have more than one, and anyway guilt is a wasted emotion when there's nothing you can do about it now.

What works for us is not trying to do everything all together all the time. DS definitely enjoys activities more than 'sightseeing' so one morning he and DH will go off and do something while I see whatever I really want to see in the city, then in the afternoon I do something with DS while DH goes for a long nature hike. Then other days we do stuff all together. That way everyone feels they had a chance to do things they really wanted.

Does your DS like going out to eat? Mine does, DH and I as well, so I do lots of research to find fun places for us. So even if we've spent the day split up we have nice meal times together.

We do still drag DS to things he's not crazy about, we try to do it in the mornings so we can say, just put up with this for now and later we'll do something you like more.

Some people might say it's pandering but it's really in my own self-interest, if everyone is reasonably happy then it's easier for me to enjoy myself as well.

Can I give you a bit of hope OP? We have a 14 yo only ds. When ds was 12 we tried a city break and it ended up very similar to yours. Lots of moaning! But over Easter we went to Barcelona and had a great time. I think he’s less selfish now and also not so worried about stuff. I do think previously he was a bit scared in big cities but now at 6 foot he’s much more confident. He says he’d like to go on another city break but has stipulated “not this country”!

i can so understand the sibling guilt though - sadly that never goes away for me.

Such a shame. I understand when there's a lack of appreciation.

Mine are a bit younger but I can see how dragging them round a city might be a recipe for disaster.

that said I did enjoy many city breaks as a teenager but I think I was mostly a bit older (14+).

don’t be too hard on yourself, but don’t rush to do another one.