AIBU to have not really enjoyed city break with DS and DC?

[Greyblueskies]

Namechanged for this as I feel weirdly embarrassed.

We just came back from a few days in a European city. We didn't pack the days with tons of cultural stuff that I would typically have liked to do - aware that DS is only 12. I tried to think of all our needs, and book stuff that would appeal.

And yet; DS was such a pain so much of the time. Always on about what he wanted (usually something sugary), or moaning about walking or doing other stuff. It was a real downer. And I'm embarrassed that I lost my sh*t a couple of times because I felt so resentful because we were really making sure his needs were met. And I'd like to think as grown ups, we're a good laugh - we're not 'stiff'.

We always made up, 'reset' and moved on but have come back feeling sad about it - sad that I have one DS, and thinking it might be better if he'd got siblings whilst away- but also sad that I reacted and couldn't just accept things when they got bad. And sad that really, it wasn't that much fun. Not for the cost, anyway.

Have I expected too much?

Oh crossposted 100.

I do think if you wanted to do museums at your pace etc book a holiday weekend with some friends. Genuinely.

If its with your son, centre him and work together.

I think you and DH could be a woke comedy double act,but it wont stop a 12 year old being bored! I think at that age a companion would be welcome .OW leave him with DGP if possible .Most young boys would not take kindly to going round Museums /cultural places !

I regularly take my DD away and she has SEN, but this advice applies to any young person around that age I think. I have learnt to build in breaks and rest time as too much stimuli can be overwhelming. So maybe one activity in the morning, back to the hotel for some chill time, another in the afternoon. I would be happy to rush around from one thing to the next but it doesn’t suit her and it all goes more smoothly if we don’t pack too much in. I also don’t restrict sugary things on a mini break, I pretty much let her eat what she fancies if we are only there for a couple of days.

I started taking my DSes on city breaks when the youngest was 16. Before that I don’t think it would have worked. Now they prefer them to a beach/relaxing type holiday because they aren’t particularly sociable, don’t make ‘holiday friends’ and find that sort of thing boring after a couple of days. City breaks work well but I still only plan to do one or two things each day.

Perhaps book a pool holiday with a kids club next time and save the city breaks for when he’s older.

Could you take a friend/cousin?

Different scenario, but we took DS2 on a city break last week, our first holiday without DS1 - who stayed at home with his mates and the dog.

It's a sign of things to come, and with a 5 year age gap DS2 has got a fair time of possibly being the only child on holiday before we'll allow him to stay at home alone. He seemed to partly enjoy it, but think he didn't like only being with his parents. We'd already planned that we may occasionally offer for him to invite a friend along, or his cousin, and we might encourage this further to save our sanity...

He's 12. It will be like this for10 years then he will turn into someone you want to spend a city break with. Twelve is really tricky. Everything ( especially your parents) is boring but you aren't mature/confident/ responsible enough to do your own thing and meet up with people later. It will pass. If you had multiple children they would all be stropping about different things at different times.

DP and I took our dc (12+10) on a city break last year.
I will not be taking them again.
All we did was argue.
They were not interested in anything at all.
I spent a fortune on a tourist attraction but they complained it was crap and wouldn't even give it a chance.
They wouldn't go anywhere but McDonald's or KFC for food.
Every night they had me running to the convenience store to buy snacks and drinks whilst they sat in our apartment on their tablets scowling at each other and bickering.
We were back at the apartment every day by 4pm as they were sick of walking and looking around. It was awful.
I had to laugh however when on the last day DD went into a tourist gift shop and bought a keyring that said 'I love [City]'.

Sorry, just saw your update about not restricting sugar! Don’t feel bad anyway. I also have had bad days out with my DD. I took her to the theatre and dinner in the West End one day but had her hair cut in the morning and she spent the whole day out obsessing that she didn’t like her hair which ruined our theatre trip. I got upset in the end because it was frustrating. We sorted it out, but not everything in life goes perfectly. I realise now, even slightly changing her hair length is hard for her because of her SEN, so it was a lesson never to combine that experience with something else. Just try to analyse which bits of the trip you all enjoyed and see how you can tweak it next time to be more fun for all you

I have an only, my DD could suck it upcope with cultural activities in small doses i.e if we went to a Museum/ Art Gallery I wouldnt walk around and see every exhibition.

Generally I would go to a city where there is lots of different activities that cater for us, no way would I go somewhere for the sole purpose of traipsing around various cultural sites.

You’ve just reminded me of a day out in Cambridge. I bought tickets for a punt tour on the river as a surprise but teen DDs moaned because they wanted more time to clothes shop! Afterwards they said they enjoy it and I’ve overheard them tell others how good it was. You have to develop a thick skin at times. You know best, they don’t always realise how lucky they are!

I think also what you may find in the future is they reminisce about their trip and turns out they got a lot from it even if they were moaning at the time.

@Greyblueskies I have only one (13) and completely get the guilt. Tbh I think at this age they prefer activities to sightseeing, so theme parks/bowling/swimming/theatre show etc. And shopping. Have factored in a trip to Primark for this year's summer hol (don't have one near us so it's a treat for her).

I think it's all down to the kids personality and interests. My oldest is a really active kid and would hate a city break. She would like the idea but needs a break with lots of sports, trampoline park etc or she gets whiny and miserable!

Benji I don't do surprises well so if I was on holiday doing X (whatever that was) and someone had a surprise and I had to stop doing x I wouldn't like it. Lots of people don't really like surprises in that sense! Even if its a good one. Again it takes away an element of predictability/agency.

We're doing Paris later this year but I know my kids wont go at my pace or enjoy everything exactly as I will. I also know theyll be overstimualated by 6, so we wont do evening in paris just afternoon and morning. (Someone avove said they wanted to be back at the apartmnet by 4 - mine like to know what time they'll be back too! )

I bet if you ask him in a week if he had a good time - he would say yes! We saw a family (years ago) at our hotel with one child (about 8 yrs old) and he was with an elderly relative and Dad. He was a sweet boy, but my dh and I then decided to have a 2nd child so our dc wouldn’t be an only sibling. Well, fast forward many years - my 2 don’t get on, going out anywhere is hard work and whilst they’re both lovely, it’s bloody hard work!
Could you plan a mini trip with just you and your ds, at some point over the next 6 months and he may start to enjoy these things a bit more?

We found we had to massively scale back expectations of what we do on holiday last week with both our children. It’s not that they’ll never want to do all the things they used to love, they’re just knackered. For us, it’s partly due to having had Covid recently, but it’s also that they’ve just finished two full terms of a school year for the first time in years (or indeed the first time ever for my youngest).
Everyone, everywhere, has had a difficult few years and might just need to find different ways to rest and recuperate.
I think you did really well to recognise you needed to scale back the plans.
I think sometimes there‘s a pressure to tick off landmarks/museums etc from the guidebooks as if that’s the only way to experience a city. One of my favourite trips to Paris was with my husband and another couple when we stayed four days and did not once enter a museum, art gallery or any cultural attraction. Brilliant holiday.

I have one dc a dd age 14. So I do understand.
She just wants to be at home with her mates. We are in London now and she had asked if we could go back last night so she can go out with her mates. She has been constantly on her phone. Ine word answers. Though did get animated after the london show.

We are taking a friend with her for our next trip away. So will see how that turns out.

Your mistake was focussing too much on just him having a good time. Why didn’t you book the things you wanted to do? If we go away, I WILL drag my kids around the art gallery I want to see, and if they get bored they’re firmly told that we are here for me because it’s my holiday too and my interests matter every it as theirs. They need to know holidays aren’t all about them.

Also please don’t feel bad about Lack f siblings - you imagine they’re best buds and having a great time together, the reality is they just cause more noise and stress because of the fighting!

I'd hate that too though. I would have made clear before you went that you'd planned it.

My two would not have enjoyed a city break at that age. Mind you they managed to mar all family holidays in some form when teenagers. They just don't get it. How much you're spending, the work that goes into the planning etc. They get very self-centred. We used to try and keep them happy and then let the moaning wag over us. Holidays are never perfect, they are a mix of happy and not so happy times.

Difficult age but taking a friend would help I think. It's hard and frustrating as they don't appreciate the lovely scenery/food/ culture until maybe 16 onwards (going off how I was as a teen). I'm also trying to think of a mini break my only DC would enjoy and actually put down phones etc to enjoy.

My youngest has ruined at least one day of every single holiday we have ever been on. We have been on all manner of holidays.

Despite this he looks forward to the next one. Every time.

I just think he can't cope with being away from home. We need to be flexible and sometimes one of us stays in the accomodation with him for the day in order for him to have some down time.

His big sister loves being on holiday so on days like that, the other parent goes out with her.

I think all holidays with children are hard work. Enjoyed in hindsight.

Perhaps you don't realise it, @OutlookStalking but I found your response pretty patronising. His input was taken and valued. He always has a voice. He always got a snack if he was hungry and stopped if he was tired. The whole point is that his needs took centre stage. I really don't need parenting advice on how to 'value his opinion' or to be reminded that 12+ is different to a toddler...I mean, really?