7 pints before a family night in?

[MerryBloodyChristmasDay]

There is background and a wider context here obviously, but I'd like to gauge opinion on the facts right now.

DH has been at the football today, the plan was always he would come back and we'd spend the evening together as a family, have dinner and then watching stranger things (we're rewatching them all with DC2).

He's got home and, whilst not obviously hammered, I can tell he's been drinking. I ask him to be honest how much, and he said 7 pints.

Without any of the other context around this, is that normal? Would you be ok with it before a night in with the kids?

I need to know if my views on this are skewed before I speak to him.

I'm guessing some of it was before the match, plus dc2 can't be that young if watching Stranger Things so I don't really see a problem if it's not frequent

Well that's a great way for someone to exert control isn't it? Be 'unable to drive' so the partner can't go out or drink alcohol!

As he is still engaging with children and available for movie yes it is ok for me. Being tipsy not a problem for family night in, being obviously drunk not OK. The amount of alcohol not really the decider.

OP hasnt said if the reason she is anxious is because of the expectation of the family night in, which might end up a damp squib because of husband falling asleep on the sofa

Or that he has promised never to drink again and he has drank again

Or that its still ok for him to drink but not when other activities are planned (which sort of contradicts the anxiety OP says she feels about him drinking full stop)

The problem is that when you hold a huge level of anxiety about a particular thing, the kids will pick up on that but also you're looking out for those problems, emotionally vigilant for them.

If any drink he has, can lead to incidents (and OP hasnt said what they are but I presume its aggression and abuse of some sort), then the answer has to be that he doesnt drink at all I would presume but that doesnt seem to be what was expected or promised.

Seriously are people always available to drive in an emergency? What is the emergency? If life threatening call an ambulance as you would anyway. If not taxi, or calling a friend or family absolutely fine.

What do single people do? Be constantly sober in case they need to go to a & e. What if they don't drive? Or can't afford a car? It is not essential that one parent is permentantly fit to drive just in case.

Its such a ridiculously dramatic thing to exclaim, 'danger danger, no car driver in this house, they've all had a glass of vino at lunch'

As if the problem isnt difficult enough for OP, this is simply irrelevant to it

Except it's more than the NHS say is healthy for an entire week. So I would say it is a lot.

Yeah but the NHS has ideal guidelines for everything, I'm sure most of us go over the recommended fat, sugar, salt etc intake from time-to-time, or don't hit the NHS-recommended 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week.

The problem for OP seems to be historical problems from her DH's drinking, which is triggering understandable anxiety for her, but that doesn't mean it's automatically a problem if someone has 7 pints over the course of several hours.

I'm pleased you live your life following the NHS guildlines.

Yep.

OP I think you'd have done better to have a thread giving context and also asking specifically for the opinions of people who have experience living or perhaps working with alcoholics. Because there's no substitute for that understanding in situations like this. This as a one off incident isn't that bad in itself and would be no big deal if done by a lot of MNers partners, so of course you're going to get some responses from a place of blissful (and understandable) ignorance. What matters here is the background.

@HardyBuckette

i agree - OP should’ve given context in her first post.

it would’ve changed my answer somewhat.

Essentially, as soon as you have to start putting limits on a partner the relationship is doomed, because they should take ownership and understand why changing their behaviour matters and the consequences of not doing so.

@MerryBloodyChristmasDay

you are unhappy. It screams from your posts. Any other opinion is irrelevant. You need to call it a day.

My dad used to /still does drink sometimes during the day at the pub with friends. Its horrible for the rest of the family as he's not a nice drunk and nearly all of my childhood memories are tarnished by him coming home drunk and not being able to speak to us properly, enjoy or meal or stay awake. I left home as soon as I could

Alcohol is almost too socially acceptable in the UK so people are often defensive because it’s a reflection on their own habits. I was brought up in a culture where alcohol is drunk, no religious reason not to or anything but it’s just not such a huge part of socialising. Any alcohol threads bring out mainly teetotallers or people who get a bit defensive about consumption.
He is out with mates 3 times this week, he has certainly drunk enough yesterday to be quite drunk, you are both in therapy and trying to resolve issues after an incident directly linked to him drinking too much as relayed in a previous thread. It doesn’t sound good to me op.

I don’t know what the incident is but if it’s any kind of aggression or abuse linked to alcohol then as he is still drinking I would be off.

UndertheCedartree · 23/04/2022 19:06
7 pints is ridiculous. NHS guidelines are that no more than 6 pints a week should be had spread over at least 3 days.

Most people know the NHS guidelines. You also shouldn't smoke, overeat, , under exercise.

A lot of people break the NHS guidelines.

I agree that it is a lot especially if you've arranged night in on the same day.

This wouldn't be an issue in out house, my oh would be able to drink 7 pints over a day at the football. There's is no issue around alcohol in our house though, if there was then yes I would be annoyed

This for us too.

My comment was in response to 7 pints not being 'a lot'. Yes, of course it is normal to occasionally over eat/eat unhealthy food/not exercise. But to try and pretend that for example eating a whole packet of biscuits is 'not a lot' is disingenuous.

Thanks, I am too. It keeps me mentally and physically healthy and sets a good example to my DC.