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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 pints before a family night in?

92 replies

MerryBloodyChristmasDay · 23/04/2022 18:33

There is background and a wider context here obviously, but I'd like to gauge opinion on the facts right now.

DH has been at the football today, the plan was always he would come back and we'd spend the evening together as a family, have dinner and then watching stranger things (we're rewatching them all with DC2).

He's got home and, whilst not obviously hammered, I can tell he's been drinking. I ask him to be honest how much, and he said 7 pints.

Without any of the other context around this, is that normal? Would you be ok with it before a night in with the kids?

I need to know if my views on this are skewed before I speak to him.

OP posts:
Towelseverywhere · 23/04/2022 20:03

Wouldyabeguilty · 23/04/2022 19:38

When you have teenagers and they are out, one of you definitely needs to stay sober...just in case.

Show quote history

So if you have 2 or 3 teenagers in the house which means one of them could be out most weekend nights, the parents are never allowed more than one glass of wine? So the kids social lives completely trump the parents for years? Crazy.
Ever heard of taxis?

TechGinny · 23/04/2022 20:05

Having been in a long term relationship with a man who had very similar issues with drinking, I would be feeling very angry that he had once again put his drinking before his family.

I completely understand your anxiety around his drinking and behaviour, and you're completely justified in feeling how you do. I don't think people who either haven't been in relationships with alcohol-dependent partners can truly understand what it's like.

OP, I would seriously be considering my future with this man. His drinking habits won't get better - he might say all the right things, might manage to cut back for a while, but the alcohol will always be his priority and you will always be resentful of his selfishness and on tenterhooks waiting for the next bout of alcohol-fuelled behaviour. It's a horrible way to live, for you and your children, and you have my every sympathy.

Yotrotro · 23/04/2022 20:07

I can't see your thread from Xmas so no idea of the previous incident. But, to me it doesn't sound like he respects or treats you like a partner.

Sorting his kids should have been the priority over something fun, unless it was a major event booked in advance and paid for like a concert or whatever. Even then, it should have been up to him to sort arrangements and unlikely he'd have that twice in one week?

As a one off the drinking after football isn't a big deal, but given the context it seems disrespectful and like he isn't prioritising his family. He now knows the impact of this behaviour and is choosing to continue, which is a sign it won't change. So how much can you put up with and where is your line in the sand?

RowanAlong · 23/04/2022 20:07

I wouldn’t let my DH near the family after 7 pints! That’s a lot of booze. Sounds like a bad idea to plan family night in after football tbh …

5128gap · 23/04/2022 20:12

I know the type of drinker he is OP, and I know that anxiety reaction, and that its justified, and that this isn't an ordinary case of a man going drinking occasionally.
I also know that when he's doing the family stuff, or the alcohol free fun stuff for him, he would probably rather be drinking. He's doing the other things and not drinking for periods to keep you happy, but his hearts not in stopping, and hes not capable of moderate drinking, and every so often will be like today. You'll never know when, but you'll start to dread weddings, Christmas, his nights out....
Honestly, the only hope for you is that he will realise and understand for himself that he is a person who shouldn't drink, ever. But that's a long time coming for someone who can go long periods without drinking, as it doesn't look like a problem to them.

Dancer47 · 23/04/2022 20:36

No, it's not normal. 7 pints = 14 units minimum = pissed as a rat and shouldn't really be around children.

Having said that, if a man goes to football, perhaps he is unlikely to be fit for a lovely family evening when he gets back.
Thank God my DH doesn't come home after 7 pints - he would be sleeping in the shed - for real.

hamdden12 · 23/04/2022 20:40

7 pints doesn't mean absolutely rat-arsed for everyone. I've worked behind a bar for many years and you'd be surprised how some people can function after a good drink. Others are not so good and can be in a state after one or two. The point is everyone is different but if you knew he was going to football and this is a regular occurrence when he's there then what did you really expect?

hamdden12 · 23/04/2022 20:44

@Pumperthepumper you are aware the average glass of Prosecco is around 12% ABV and the average pint is around 5%?

Original poster
MerryBloodyChristmasDay · 23/04/2022 20:47

Is it mandatory to drink loads at the football? What about people who don't drink, do they just have a shit time?

Maybe I was being unreasonable, we didn't actually discuss his drinking today. But the point is that he's supposed to be making long term sustainable changes - the issue with his drinking isn't that's every time it ends in disaster. It's that sometimes it does and it's not intentional. The tipping point of when he loses control isn't always obvious, and 7 pints to me is far too close to that.

Anyway I've obviously got to put DS to bed as he's now snoring on the sofa. Yeah I am feeling a bit sorry for myself after a shitty week and being on my own all day with the kids as well. And same tomorrow!

OP posts:
Original poster
MerryBloodyChristmasDay · 23/04/2022 20:48

Btw I would be fine after 5 glasses of Prosecco (talking normal flute sized glasses?)

I would probably be throwing up after 7 pints!

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 23/04/2022 20:50

hamdden12 · 23/04/2022 20:44

@Pumperthepumper you are aware the average glass of Prosecco is around 12% ABV and the average pint is around 5%?

Are you aware that the average glass of Prosecco is 125ml, while a pint glass holds 473 ml?

Pumperthepumper · 23/04/2022 20:52

Pumperthepumper · 23/04/2022 20:50

Are you aware that the average glass of Prosecco is 125ml, while a pint glass holds 473 ml?

Show quote history

Actually, I’ve just checked and that’s wrong - it’s 568ml

ShirleyPhallus · 23/04/2022 20:55

Wouldyabeguilty · 23/04/2022 19:38

When you have teenagers and they are out, one of you definitely needs to stay sober...just in case.

Show quote history

Get them to download Uber to their phone then leave them to it! Otherwise that is A LOT of years of putting your social life on hold (if you drink, that is)

Giraffesandbottoms · 23/04/2022 20:55

These threads are always weird because people have a very unhealthy and odd relationship with alcohol in this country. 7 pints and then coming home to your family for “family time” is mental. So would 5 glasses of Prosecco be.

BusterGonad · 23/04/2022 20:59

Lem0nDrizzle · 23/04/2022 18:47

Agreed

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I also agree with this, it's like the Op is setting him up to fail imo.

WhoWants2Know · 23/04/2022 21:02

Regards of whether he appears drunk or is able to engage with his kids, it's not healthy.

rocketfromthecrypt · 23/04/2022 21:04

TBH it sounds like you're just waiting for him to mess up. He got a bit carried away in the pub with his friends - unless you're going to drip feed that he's been shouting abuse or breaking things I'd let it go. Your 'family time' just sounds like it involves watching tv so I don't really think it's a big deal. He hasn't rolled in steaming at 3am.

Aprilx · 23/04/2022 21:06

Wouldyabeguilty · 23/04/2022 19:38

When you have teenagers and they are out, one of you definitely needs to stay sober...just in case.

Show quote history

My parents didn’t have a car, didn’t drive. Me and my three siblings all survived the teenage years!

GlitteryGreen · 23/04/2022 21:14

Merryoldgoat · 23/04/2022 18:43

No I wouldn’t.

However if I had a husband who was a big sports fan and was going to the pub to watch a game with friends I’d not plan a family night.

I suspect context will be all here though.

I agree with this too. I'd have done a family evening last night, or whenever else he'd be home, instead of after a day where he was always likely to have a few pints.

I understand your reaction given the issues his drinking has caused previously, but unless as part of counselling he's agreed not to drink at all and has gone back on that then I think you do need to expect that sometimes he will go out and have some drinks, especially in a context like watching a football match.

Also, some of the comments here seem really dramatic, 7 pints is not a disaster for everyone. It's too much for me but my DP could have that easily, especially if spaced out over a whole afternoon/day out.

whatuser · 23/04/2022 21:19

Yes completely fine if he wasnt hammered

BusterGonad · 23/04/2022 21:22

GlitteryGreen · 23/04/2022 21:14

I agree with this too. I'd have done a family evening last night, or whenever else he'd be home, instead of after a day where he was always likely to have a few pints.

I understand your reaction given the issues his drinking has caused previously, but unless as part of counselling he's agreed not to drink at all and has gone back on that then I think you do need to expect that sometimes he will go out and have some drinks, especially in a context like watching a football match.

Also, some of the comments here seem really dramatic, 7 pints is not a disaster for everyone. It's too much for me but my DP could have that easily, especially if spaced out over a whole afternoon/day out.

Show quote history

7 pints for the average man (14 to 15st) isn't a lot during the course of a day. Tbh I'd probably manage it myself but obviously wouldn't be in a good state, I'd probably do okay with 4 or 5 though. Wine on the other hand is a no go for me, too strong for the actual volume, whereas beer takes a while to drink so is a slow burner imo.

SleeplessInEngland · 23/04/2022 21:28

Without the context: it’s excessive but over what I presume is at least half a day possibly acceptable once in a while.

With the context: less acceptable. I wouldn’t say LTB or any of that nonsense but clearly you’re both on different pages about what an issue his drinking is.

RicaDaVidaLoca · 23/04/2022 21:35

Can’t help but think this thread is utterly pointless.

As others have pointed out, context is everything and the long and very relevant background negates any valid opinions on today’s events in isolation.

Also, OP clearly knows the majority of posters on MN are prepared to declare pretty much anyone who dares to admit they exceed the NHS-recommended guidelines for alcohol consumption an alcoholic, or ‘problem drinker’. Am surprised nobody’s recommended she visit AA for advice yet 🙄

5128gap · 23/04/2022 21:39

GlitteryGreen · 23/04/2022 21:14

I agree with this too. I'd have done a family evening last night, or whenever else he'd be home, instead of after a day where he was always likely to have a few pints.

I understand your reaction given the issues his drinking has caused previously, but unless as part of counselling he's agreed not to drink at all and has gone back on that then I think you do need to expect that sometimes he will go out and have some drinks, especially in a context like watching a football match.

Also, some of the comments here seem really dramatic, 7 pints is not a disaster for everyone. It's too much for me but my DP could have that easily, especially if spaced out over a whole afternoon/day out.

Show quote history

The comments seem dramatic to people who haven't lived with this sort of drinker. It's not that he's drunk 7 pints. As always responses are divided into people who don't recognise what the OP is describing and those that do.

UndertheCedartree · 23/04/2022 21:40

BusterGonad · 23/04/2022 21:22

7 pints for the average man (14 to 15st) isn't a lot during the course of a day. Tbh I'd probably manage it myself but obviously wouldn't be in a good state, I'd probably do okay with 4 or 5 though. Wine on the other hand is a no go for me, too strong for the actual volume, whereas beer takes a while to drink so is a slow burner imo.

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Except it's more than the NHS say is healthy for an entire week. So I would say it is a lot.