Should I pay rent??

[Ema1986]

Ive been with my partner for 8 years and we have 3 children together. 9 months ago we moved into a house (for which the mortgage is in my partners name only). I am unable to get a mortgage and so the house is in his name. The deposit for the house was also his. Prior to moving in we agreed that we would get a deed of trust stating that the deposit (and a larger proportion of the equity) would go to him, and that a portion of the equity would be mine (in the event of separation). Since then, I’ve gone part time in work (3 days per week) to support with childcare costs. Before this we both earned the same. Currently, we pay the mortgage/bills proportionate to our salary (so I pay 40% and he pays 60%). Last month I was pushing for the deed of trust to be done (we have been here for 9 months now after all), and my partner flat out refused the document. He has back tracked and is now saying the house is his, but that I would still need to continue to pay ‘rent’. I’ve basically told him that I will pay half of all the non-mortgage bills (gas/electric,water etc) but I’m not paying a penny towards the mortgage nor in rent. I don’t think it’s fair for me to continue to pay towards the house when he has told me I now no longer have any financial interest in it. I also don’t think it’s fair to take ‘rent’, leaving me without an option to be able to save now that he no longer wants me to be part of the house. I need some financial security for me and the kids). I’ve worked out that if I pay half the non-mortgage bills, and he pays the full mortgage, we both have the same amount of money left over each month even though I work part time and maintain the house. Am I being unreasonable here??

• So you reduce your hours to care for the children you had together and he wants you to pay towards the house you want a stake in

There - fixed that for you!

@SlatsandFlaps

OP clearly said they agreed on a deed of trust (I assume to protect his deposit).

If she was then paying half of the mortgage it’s reasonable to expect a share of equity after the deposit is taken into account.

this isn’t a girlfriend he’s known for 5 minutes - they’re supposed to be a family.

You need a full time job with the 2 of you paying half of the childcare bill each. Then save so you have your own safety net

When I moved into my dp home he was a few years off paying off his mortgage . I was working and bought some of the food , and stuff like new towels , bedding etc.
a few years passed and he paid off the mortgage .
We then decided to re locate . The area we moved to was a cheaper area so lucky to buy next house outright without a mortgage . He put my name on the deeds so we co own now.

Is this a reverse or is he always so selfishly blinkered? No way do you pay rent. Unless he pays the going rate for childcare and backdates all of it. For 3 children it’s going to be a fair chunk of cash

Yanbu, but your relationship is likely over. I'd start looking for a place to rent and start sending him bills for the kids for childcare, clothes, food etc. Then he can decide how important it is that he keeps the house in his name. If its still that important, I'd be walking and forcing him to take the kids 50/50, then he can struggle to find childcare on his says and realise how much of a twat he was to do this.

Sorry op but you are in a very screwed position, will never understand why people have kids with their partner whilst not married and house together with deed of trust in applicable, now 8 years on and in many other cases many years more the true colours are coming out when it comes to finance, its all mine mine mine for the bloke, you are a family with children everything should be 50/50 it dosent matter what you all had financially previously in life, it all gets combined now, otherwise resentment builds up and you shouldn't of had children together

@jimmyjammy001

i think so many people were outraged (and rightly so) at single mothers being stigmatised or their children being labelled ‘illegitimate’ that the reasons for not having children outside of marriage became lost.

It became fusty and old fashioned to talk about why marriage mattered.

you can still understand why marriage is important without castigating those who have children whilst unmarried, but that seems to be lost.

Echoing PP, you need to get into full time work asap

His behaviour is unacceptable and I would be very suspicious of his intentions. Doesn't sound like you can trust him.