To loathe and detest co sleeping with every fibre of my being and don’t understand why most of MN appear to love it?

[Blueberrystrawberry]

My toddler detests his cot and screams until I take him into bed with me, where I am kicked, punched, shoved into a tiny corner of the bed and expected to stay there dead still until morning

I think I missed how natural it is, it doesn’t feel remotely natural!

I never did co sleeping when my son was little but we do now. I am a single parent and have a king size bed (which helps!)
he always goes to sleep in his own bed then creeps in with me at some point in the night. He’s usually silent and still and the first I know is him snuggling me or saying “love you mummy”. Saying that, last night he was laid across the pillows! 😂

I love it cos DD isn't a kicker or puncher! She's a very still sleeper generally, except she does sometimes give me a cuddle in the night if she stirs. We both sleep great. If I was being kicked and punched all night then she'd be outta there but she's always been a very chilled sleeper since she was tiny.

DS1 is all knees and elbows.

DS2 is a snuggler (still at 9; he occasionally creeps in after a nightmare... or I fall asleep in his bed while audible is still reading to us 😂)

Having had two BFed babies that kept up the night feeds for a long time, it was easier doing it as co-sleeping with DS2 and being less awake to get him in position and let him crack on, rather than sitting in the chair for 40 mins per time. Especially after going back to work.

There was one night when DS1 was struggling with teething and I ended up curling around him in the cot so I could salvage some sleep before going to work.

Sometimes it was cute, but mostly survival.

I don’t like curry but I don’t struggle to understand why anyone else eats it. Different things work for different people. Co-sleeping didn’t work for you. It probably works for others. Not that complex really.

My 4yo DC will bed hop at night but they get unceremoniously turfed back into their own bed if they fidget and don't lie still. So I don't mind it that much.

IMO advocates of co-sleeping have DC who don't fidget. I hated sharing a bed with DD, and couldn't get any sleep.

For me, co-sleeping was great when they were under 1 (or with DD2, about 9 months, when she started to turn into a kicking troll in her sleep, she went into a sidecot for the last few months before her first birthday to save ourselves).

After that, nope. After a year, kids were in their own beds, and we used trundle beds or those cushions that can fold flat so my spouse and I took turns resting on those on bad nights reminding ourselves that this too shall pass.

Each to their own and I am glad sleep training worked for you. However, I would like to point out is that what you are probably referring to as sleep issues are not actually sleep issues at all m(for example sleep apnea/insomnia etc) it is simply the way how most children sleep. Only a small percentage of children actually sleep through the night or without any assistance before they are at least 2. So many even longer than that and it is a complete norm. Children are not manipulating adults when they wake up at night. They do that because they truly need something, even if its just a snuggle in order to feel safe. Sleep training in fact doesn't guarantee that the child won't be waking up at night in the future. As I said , great it worked for you but not sleeping through the night is not a sleep issue as such.

I think there is also a tendency to minimise sleep issues. Non diagnosis such as colic which just means unexplained crying. I wonder if tearful, depressed, suicidal dad's would be told its normal their 18 month old is up crying half the night or will only sleep with a boob in theor mouth despite there being no nutritional reason why a toddler on solid food able to use a cup would need ti eat all night, the way mums are fobbed off to put up with this stuff.

I think we need to be careful to not normalise such poor restless sleep in order to absolve the medical professionals of any responsibilities if that makes any sense at all.

Not saying that applies to every case but there have been threads in MN in the past where its completely dangerous and unsustainable to be in the situation but are still told its normal

God I hate the endless "just cosleep" stuff on here. Genuinely great if it works for you but it is often presented as the only solution.

Mine did not wake because they wanted to be close to me, they woke because they had not learned to link their sleep cycles - cosleeping just resulted in them waking me up the same number of times but me being much less comfortable in bed in between.

As a PP said, breastfeeding was not something that I could sleep through. Preferred to be upright reading a book.

Sleep training, on the other hand, did help them to sleep through.

And the Sarah Ockwell Smith crap about how the reason I felt almost suicidal with sleep deprivation was actually about my mindset and not accepting that this is how babies and toddlers are.. that can do one.

Hear hear @Whatwouldscullydo. Children need sleep. Parents need sleep. It's okay to do what you need to in order to make that happen. For some people that's co-sleeping. For others it's sleep training. The end result is the same.

Yes to offset the lack of help/Support from medical.professionals there seem to also be a large number if quacks picking up the slack with books/products/accessories and extremely poor sometimes bordering on dangerous advice about changing mindsets over actually dealing with the problems.

I think parents are failed quite badly early on..health visitors with hot steamy room and 3 hourly feeds solutions to every problem. Poorly medicated reflux/silent reflux. Although if its a toss up.between treating cmpi/cmpa and prescribing gaviscon they pick the gaviscon.

Co sleeping was was not even something drs ir health visitors spoke about to me. So how many people are doing it in a pre researched pre planned safe way and how many are just so exhausted they accidentally just fall.asleep holding the.baby whilst left alone upstairs in darkened room isolated from the rest if the family ?

If its deemed normal to not sleep how many other potential issues are missed as a result ?

I had a cmpi baby. ( 11 now) Its apparently normal to have to syringe out her nose several times a night amd wake up every 15-40 mins.

The night i woke up to her having wriggled right down to the Bottom of my bed under the duvet scared the shit out of me.

Very true. Co-slept for years with DC2 who just settles better next to me and is completely quiet and still. I have no trouble sleeping next to her. I used to breastfeed her and fall back to sleep because she always fed better in a lying down position anyway. In her own cot she used to wake constantly so I got much more sleep with her in bed with me.

DC1 was always happier in her own space. Comes in with me occasionally if she's unwell or had a bad dream and fidgets endlessly. I could not have co-slept long term with her!

Depends on your child:
Dd1 didn't like it at all. I did it once or twice but she didn't sleep very well and was much happier in her cot.
DD2 liked it but wanted to sleep perpendicular to anyone else in the bed. So she rarely was allowed.
Ds loved it, and did a nice wriggle down between us and slept quietly. he told us one that he was going to come into bed with me until he was 28. I would like to report at now half that age he hasn't for a long time,

Only a small percentage of children actually sleep through the night or without any assistance before they are at least 2.

Really? I'd say most children sleep through the night without assistance before 2yo. Is there a reference for this?

There won't be except for some assertion from Sarah Ockwell-Bollocks because it's not true.

publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/142/6/e20174330/37494/Uninterrupted-Infant-Sleep-Development-and

ugh I hear ya! me and my daughter slept on a mattress on the floor for 3 months when she was 4 months - 8 months as it was the only way we got any sleep! Otherwise she woke on the hour

I used to be in the bed with her and she was all warm in her sleeping bag and I was so scared of smothering her that I had no blankets and I was always so cold - I had to wear a big hoodie and socks and leggings to keep warm

I could hear my husband sitting in the living room watchin tv and would be in a rage about it haha

Gawd i'm so relieved that it's over and I will never do it again !

YANBU.

If it doesn't work and you hate it then that's that.

I loved it mainly because it was the only way we could all get some sleep. DD however was just cuddly and pretty still. She still comes for a "sleepover" sometimes and it's great. She either cuddles up to me, or if she's hot she goes far far away from me. Barely moves and she's nice and cuddly and warm and quiet.

Sarah Ockwell-Bollocks 😂

I also detested it with every fibre of my being! Could never understand how anyone got "more sleep" that way?! I got zero. We have the biggest bed imaginable yet my DDs would still end up draped across me with limbs flying into my face ugh. Horrendous. I imagine it's only people who are heavy sleepers who could tolerate it? It's a huge no no for me.

Keep going with the cot, for me it was an absolute non-negotiable. I needed my room to decompress, to het into bed at night and have that space for me. My DC only come into my bed if they're ill and even now they're school/preschool age I still bloody hate it!

I really really hate it too. But it’s the only way my ASD child sleeps. So I’m stuck with it.