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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To loathe and detest co sleeping with every fibre of my being and don’t understand why most of MN appear to love it?

72 replies

Blueberrystrawberry · 21/04/2022 07:25

My toddler detests his cot and screams until I take him into bed with me, where I am kicked, punched, shoved into a tiny corner of the bed and expected to stay there dead still until morning Sad

I think I missed how natural it is, it doesn’t feel remotely natural!

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 21/04/2022 09:18

Jesus no. Bringing them into our bed always made them more hyper and even if they did eventually get to sleep, we couldn't get any quality rest so it was pointless. All I can say is some people's kids must be very still, silent sleepers. Everyone here slept much better in their own rooms.

WhiteFire · 21/04/2022 09:26

It was very much a needs must with the 3rd. She was dreadful to have in bed but the alternative was no sleep and a screaming child.

Still missed her though when she eventually started sleeping through.

Comedycook · 21/04/2022 09:28

Never did it. I tried once but my DC thought it was party time and climbed all over me and wouldn't go to sleep. They both slept better in their own beds.

randomsabreuse · 21/04/2022 09:34

Totally with you there. I'm naturally a fairly fidgety sleeper unless I had a small baby in bed where I would stay very still and wake up so stiff and sore. Also angry octopus children.

It's bad enough when 6 yo comes in in the morning or if she has a nightmare. She's long and skinny and takes up all the space, plus has sharp bony elbows and knees and no compunction about using them to acquire space. Whichever grown-up wakes first retreats rapidly to her bed (full size single) as our double is not big enough for 3.

3 year old is similar but is still in a toddler bed making retreat a less good option...

I get that co sleeping works for some but depends on the children - mine mostly prefer their own space!

Vsirbdo · 21/04/2022 09:35

I don’t exactly like it but it’s better than being kept awake by a crying toddler; at least it’s quiet even if I’m falling off the bed or having DS try to sleep with his face pressed up against mine

BuanoKubiamVej · 21/04/2022 09:40

Don't do it! People who love it have different kids than you do. They love ut because it lets them sleep but you aren't getting a good night's sleep so it's torture for you.
I didn't do co sleeping because I need to move around a lot to get to sleep and if I so much as twitched it would wake up the toddler so he had to have his own cot.

We used "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer" method to achieve a toddler who was able to go to sleep in his cot.

ancientgran · 21/04/2022 09:42

I liked it because I got to sleep but I did it with babies not toddlers.

SVRT19674 · 21/04/2022 09:43

It was never for me either, she has windmill legs and windmill arms and will thwak you in her sleep. When she no longer wanted to be in her cot, not even with the side down, we got her her own bed. I wait with her until she goes to sleep and we sing and tell stories and then move to my bed, best of both worlds.

Sunnytwobridges · 21/04/2022 09:48

I hated it. Luckily my dd went into her own bed at a couple months old.

Topseyt123 · 21/04/2022 09:50

I never did it. I knew I would hate it. All three of my DDs had the cot and then their beds. They were in their own rooms from when they were just a few weeks old.

HipsterMum · 21/04/2022 09:52

Co sleeping is not for everyone and if it doesn't work for you it is perfectly fine! It worked well for me and my 2 boys. I am still co sleeping with my youngest who is almost 3. They never wiggled too much. Then again I go into deep sleep instantly , I can be woken up easily too but then just go right back to sleep. Both of them would just sleep on one of my arms in this beautiful resting position half cuddling me. I found it extremely relaxing and sweet. I now have the problem that I struggle to sleep with my husband because he is definitely not like that 🙈

thebeespyjamas · 21/04/2022 11:49

I stopped at 2. How old is your child? I stopped for this very reason, she was feeding from me all night and I literally could not take it.

But, doing it in the first 1.5 months eradicated sleep deprivation and I knew my baby was happy - which was my only goal in life for that time.

AHungryCaterpillar · 21/04/2022 11:54

I loved it and have coslept with 4 I knew I would never get any sleep otherwise so it worked for me

TheKeatingFive · 21/04/2022 11:56

I hate it too OP. But I have a nearly 4 year old with bad eczema, so he would scratch all night I didn't. It sucks.

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 21/04/2022 11:58

My DC both inherited their dad's placid nature so co-sleeping was lovely. They'd snuggle in and sleep for hours. Delightful. 😊

EmeraldShamrock1 · 21/04/2022 12:00

It depends on the DC.
I'm a deep sleeper and DS stays in the spot he falls asleep in.
Could you try him in a single bed.
Toddler beds rarely work if he is refusing the cot.

thebeespyjamas · 21/04/2022 12:03

thebeespyjamas · 21/04/2022 11:49

I stopped at 2. How old is your child? I stopped for this very reason, she was feeding from me all night and I literally could not take it.

But, doing it in the first 1.5 months eradicated sleep deprivation and I knew my baby was happy - which was my only goal in life for that time.

Sorry, that is mean to say 1.5 years not 1.5 months. It was essential for us otherwise she would cry and I felt it was not okay to leave her to cry. She came in with me, we both slept soundly and there was not one occasion where she was crying for long periods in her entire life, and I am happy about that. But if your child sleeps alone with no hassle than why not just do that?

If they will not sleep with you without making it unbearable then you have to find a way to sleep and a way for your baby to sleep. There are so many books and methods out there that you can use all or parts of to achieve your goal.

TimeForGouter · 21/04/2022 12:04

Of course YANBU not to love it, different people love different things.

Mine all moved around a bit while co sleeping but that never really bothered me. The cuddles more than made up for it. They're all in their own beds now but when DH is away, the 3 and 6 year old sleep with me and I absolutely love it.

FlyingPandas · 21/04/2022 12:06

I did it when I had to, but always slept so badly with a baby or toddler in my bed. Hated it. I am also convinced that cosleeping encourages a breastfeeding baby to simply roll over and latch on at the end of every sleep cycle, simply because they can, even if they don’t actually need to, and you end up feeding a hundred times a night and entrenching a habit and encouraging a dependency that you might not actually have needed to do. This definitely happened at times with one of mine.

It is each to their own though. For those who love it, crack on. For those who don’t, just don’t do it, it’s not the law! Contrary to what some on here might appear to believe, cosleeping does not make anyone a better parent. It’s just a coping strategy for some people - if it works, that is.

FetchezLaVache · 21/04/2022 12:08

This thread puts me in mind of this meme:

We were definitely the bottom picture!

To loathe and detest co sleeping with every fibre of my being and don’t understand why most of MN appear to love it?
IncompleteSenten · 21/04/2022 12:11

Everybody is different. There's so much stuff I hate that other people love.

Satan's sweaty salty love spuds we call olives for one.

We went through hell with our two and the only way we could function was to turn our bedroom into a gigantic mattress on the floor and all sleep there. For a few years!

Each to their own. We all need to find what works for us. No one way is objectively 'better' than any other.

NeedSleepNow · 21/04/2022 12:13

I never coslept when my children were babies or young toddlers as their dad was very against the idea. The kids were terrible sleepers and I was up and down all night long trying to settle them back to sleep whilst their dad slept soundly all night long! I'm now a single mum and my youngest who is 5 climbs in to my bed in the middle of the night with me most nights and just curls up next to me and goes back to sleep. I love it, we all get a great night's sleep but he doesn't fidget around, kick me etc. If he did I would most certainly end up putting him back in his bed each night!

TheVanguardSix · 21/04/2022 12:23

Of course, you can't stand it! I don't blame you.
With 2 of my 3, co-sleeping was the best! But my DD was a nightmare. It was like sleeping with the love child of a weed wacker/leaf blower. Fortunately, she didn't 'need' to co-sleep with me and it all worked out really well. For this reason, she was my easiest sleeper because she slept independently from a very young age... thank goodness because I don't think I could have managed otherwise.
My other two were brilliant. We called DC1 Lenin's Tomb because he'd just lay there and sleep so peacefully all night.

You can't continue co-sleeping as you are.
Get a floor mattress, maybe. I know. It's not ideal. But it's a port in a storm. Yes... you'll be the one on the floor mattress, I'm afraid. 😑

MintyMoocow · 21/04/2022 12:23

Mine never had an inkling that sleeping with Mummy and Daddy was even an option. This meant I spent a few nights sleeping on the floor near the cot, but pulled away as soon as possible and it was absolutely worth it.

Whatwouldscullydo · 21/04/2022 12:24

Oh god the couple of times I tried it..... never ever again.

But then I'm someone who believes in sleep training which is something I know not everyone does.

A situation that means you can ignore the fact they don't sleep ( as they can just use you as a pacifier all night)isn't actually solving the sleeping issues. In fact I ended up being responsible fir the baby getting sone sleep plus not waking xp instead. Its just more responsibility at your own expense.

And it makes an isolated tine even nore isolating. Not only were you unable to go out of an evening you were in bed at 7 like a child 🙄 way to lose your mind.

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