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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock the door?

68 replies

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:01

DH has gone out to his hobby. I'm spending rather too much time planning how I'd handle it if a stranger walked in. I'm probably catastrophising, as we live in a very quiet rural backwater. We would never lock the door if both of us were art home in the evening

OP posts:
Bicnod · 20/04/2022 22:02

If it makes you feel better then just lock the door... I would in your circumstances.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/04/2022 22:03

Just lock the door if you'll enjoy your evening more.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/04/2022 22:06

I love these nameless hobbies? It's almost always golf or biking! Grin

But just lock the door. I do that as a matter of course regardless if batman were my husband!

Also a lot of horror stories begin with someone in some backwater rural place who hears a gush of wind. Lock the door!

Original poster
obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:07

DH doesn't like being "locked out", even though he has a key

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 20/04/2022 22:09

He has a key, I wouldn't be humouring his inconvenience at having to use it.

NameChangeNamaste · 20/04/2022 22:09

So his ridiculously stupid non-excuse trumps your desire to feel safe??

Moochio · 20/04/2022 22:09

Just do it, as long as its not bolted shut so he can get in with his key

Moochio · 20/04/2022 22:09

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:07

DH doesn't like being "locked out", even though he has a key

Tough

crackingreward · 20/04/2022 22:10

This is alien to me, our door is always locked.

Chely · 20/04/2022 22:11

My dh would be annoyed if I DIDN'T lock the doors.

TheGriffle · 20/04/2022 22:11

Your right to feel safe trumps his right to be annoyed he has to unlock a door. Can you lock it and message him to let him know so he has time to adjust to fact he will have to use his key?

SpinningMeSoftly · 20/04/2022 22:11

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:07

DH doesn't like being "locked out", even though he has a key

And?

gamerchick · 20/04/2022 22:12

If he has a key then let him whinge. What exactly is he going to do?

Original poster
obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:14

And I don't trust my judgement of what is sensible and what is excessive worry. Last month he said "Don't lock me out" as he left.

OP posts:
Sotired22 · 20/04/2022 22:17

We always have the door locked when we’re at home. Why wouldn’t you? I live in a safe area but still, you never know. It’s not exactly a great hardship for him to unlock the door when he gets home 🙄

Moochio · 20/04/2022 22:18

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:14

And I don't trust my judgement of what is sensible and what is excessive worry. Last month he said "Don't lock me out" as he left.

Don't bolt him out or anything that means his key won't work. But other than that just lock up?

crackingreward · 20/04/2022 22:20

@obalobawoba

And I don't trust my judgement of what is sensible and what is excessive worry. Last month he said "Don't lock me out" as he left.
Does he not understand that the door unlocks form the outside as well Confused
SpinningMeSoftly · 20/04/2022 22:23

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:14

And I don't trust my judgement of what is sensible and what is excessive worry. Last month he said "Don't lock me out" as he left.

Oh OP, is he going to come back and bully you in some way? Is that what you're nervous about as well?

Original poster
obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:27

No, he isn't remotely like that. I think he may feel rejected or unwelcome if the door is locked against him, and I know that my fear is unfounded, so I don't want to hurt him

OP posts:
crackingreward · 20/04/2022 22:29

@obalobawoba

No, he isn't remotely like that. I think he may feel rejected or unwelcome if the door is locked against him, and I know that my fear is unfounded, so I don't want to hurt him
.

Goodness how old is he, 3?

FourTeaFallOut · 20/04/2022 22:30

Wait, so your fear is that someone will break into your house and physically harm you but, a worse fear is that your DH will have hurt feelings caused by a locked door?

longtompot · 20/04/2022 22:31

He would rather you felt unsafe for an evening so he can just walk in the door when he gets home, even though he has a key to get back in? And if the door is locked he feels rejected?

Maydaysoonenough · 20/04/2022 22:32

But you haven't locked him out. Is it beneath him to turn a key? Maybe compromise and buy a red rug?

Sarahcoggles · 20/04/2022 22:36

Well personally I’d lock the door, but if you’re so worried about upsetting your husband, why not lock it now then unlock it when you know he’s due back?

Original poster
obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:36

It seems to be a balance between his less than rational feelings and mine. The last crime in this hamlet was the theft of a lawnmower nearly 6 years ago. Logically, I'm safe. He is vulnerab;le to feeling rejected because the serious illness of his mother when he was a little child meant he was farmed out often and unpredictably to various relatives and friends.

OP posts: