to lock the door?

[obalobawoba]

DH has gone out to his hobby. I'm spending rather too much time planning how I'd handle it if a stranger walked in. I'm probably catastrophising, as we live in a very quiet rural backwater. We would never lock the door if both of us were art home in the evening

If he wants you to be happy he would want you to feel secure, lock the door. Otherwise forget him and just lock it for your own happiness and leave a message on his phone telling him where to find the spare key with a kiss. Your fear is not unfounded, he is gaslighting your feelings. If you are unsure phone the police and ask them for conformation.

Good lord, lock the door. Leave a post it on the handle saying, "This is not a metaphor".

My door gets locked as soon as I'm in the house. I wouldn't dream of having the door unlocked in the evening

Hes being ridiculous. 'Don't lock me out' ffs is he 12? You're not locking him out.

Bottom line is do what makes you feel safe. Your feeling of safety far outweighs his nonsense

thanks for the giggle @FourTeaFallOut That diffuses a lot of worry

What other ridiculous contortions do you endure to spare his feelings?

Wtf?

Tough shit!!

your safety matters FAR more than his desire not to use a fucking key

Good grief. He might feel rejected by a locked door?! He needs to grow up a bit. Explain your reasons (don't feel completely comfortable alone in the house with the door unlocked). He doesn't have to understand or feel the same way (probably can't ever completely relate because he's male and not as vulnerable to attack), but he needs to respect your feelings enough to accept that you're not rejecting him by protecting yourself.

Tell the TWAT he's not 'locked out' he has a fucking key!! It's not onerous to use a key!!

I don't think there are any contortions. He is a generous and considerate man, and generally puts me first.

You can’t be locked out if you have a key. That is not the definition of being locked out.

Anyway, DH is home, and he, I and the dog are all happy now

The first time IS the first time.

'it's always felt so safe'
'middle of nowhere'
'why here?'

Lovely.

talk to him, tell him next month you WILL be locking the door because you feel safer, so he will need to use the key to unlock the door! He has a month to get used to the idea!!

And what's going to happen next time he goes out though

I can't work out if you're being serious? 🤣🤣

Logically he’s not locked out either.

@longtompot

He would rather you felt unsafe for an evening so he can just walk in the door when he gets home, even though he has a key to get back in? And if the door is locked he feels rejected?

.

Pathetic, isn't it

He sounds like hard work, and is manipulating and gaslighting you.

FFS just lock the bastard door! And tell him to grow up. 😐

Wtaf?? It’s not locked against him. That’s a completely bizarre way of looking at things.
He might feel rejected or unwelcome?
I’d rather lock the door and feel safe.

Of course you should lock the door.
Nobody is ever burgled, until it happens.

Plus, if he has a key then he isn't locked out is he?
Presumably you aren't intending to put the bolt across, just turn a key in a lock, which he can then open with his key ?

Locking your front door is entirely normal and rational behaviour. His reasons for not doing so are silly and inconsequential.

What's the worst that could happen if you locked the door?
What's the worst that could happen if you left it unlocked?

Have you told him how you feel when you're alone?

He’d never cope living here, my door locks when it shuts as default!

I have never understood people who don’t lock their door once in tbh. So anyone could just walk in off the street? No thanks!

You aren’t locked out if you have the key, either.

Don't tell me - ITV Sunday 9pm?