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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock the door?

68 replies

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:01

DH has gone out to his hobby. I'm spending rather too much time planning how I'd handle it if a stranger walked in. I'm probably catastrophising, as we live in a very quiet rural backwater. We would never lock the door if both of us were art home in the evening

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 20/04/2022 23:44

I really wonder how some people cope in the workplace when they need to get other people’s opinions before they make a simple decision like whether or not to lock the door.

BemoreDerek · 20/04/2022 23:45

Locking your door for safety - rational
Feeling rejected because someone locked a door for safety - irrational

Whatever his reasons for being 'vulnerable to rejection' he shouldn't be letting that override perfectly normal safety measures or you feeling safe in your own home. You are sitting there feeling unsafe rather than locking the door because you're worried about his feelings, where is his worry for yours? Is he putting any thought or effort into how he can not feel rejected by this one small thing which makes you feel, and indeed keeps you physically, safe?

VladmirsPoutine · 20/04/2022 23:59

I think this thread must be based on one of those similar type satirical threads where mothers for example post about their kids as though they are unreasonable housemates. Otherwise there's no other way to explain it

Dundonian · 21/04/2022 00:04

We live rurally and I tend to lock the doors if my husband is out or at work. I just have to remember to take the key out of the lock so he can let himself back in!

I know nothing is likely to happen but locking up helps to keep some anxiety at bay.

PinkSyCo · 21/04/2022 00:06

God don’t people ever talk to their partners? Just tell your DH that sometimes you get the jitters and so will be locking the door in future. That’s it. The end. No ifs or buts. That’s how it’s gonna be from now on mister and if you don’t like it stay in or better still seek help.

Teddeh · 21/04/2022 00:15

Your fear is NOT unfounded. You live in a rural area, not another planet. How about you decide whether or not to lock the door when you're home alone, and he decides when he's home alone?

BlackeyedSusan · 21/04/2022 02:45

Moochio · 20/04/2022 22:09

Tough

Show quote history

So you have to be worried all evening because he can't be arsed to get his key out and spend all of 30 seconds unlocking the door?

That's so unreasonable.

Moochio · 21/04/2022 06:24

Consider couples counselling, there are deeper issues here. Glad you were safe but it should never have got to the stage where you are questioning if you should lock the door.

Aprilx · 21/04/2022 06:54

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:27

No, he isn't remotely like that. I think he may feel rejected or unwelcome if the door is locked against him, and I know that my fear is unfounded, so I don't want to hurt him

Oh poor baby.

😅

Mirrorball2022 · 21/04/2022 06:56

Our doors are mostly always locked unless expecting a visitor or using them/or outside. We both have keys it’s fine. Do what you have to to feel safe!

AnImaginaryCat · 21/04/2022 06:57

Is there some connection between husbands who do "hobbys" and husbands who are controlling asshats?

Normal behaving in balanced relationships husbands do named activities. Where are husbands who required unearned, unwavering kudos and reverence, and live without needing to adjust themselves in any way for their wives do hobbies.

MrsClatterbuck · 21/04/2022 07:02

Chely · 20/04/2022 22:11

My dh would be annoyed if I DIDN'T lock the doors.

Same here

Aprilx · 21/04/2022 07:02

We live rurally too. We usually have the back door unlocked from when we get up until bed time, nobody is going to be able to approach the house without either us and definitely not the dogs hearing. A few days a week I am here by myself during the day. Yesterday I was feeling unwell and went up to bed, so I locked it then and texted DH to tell him he will need to use his key and the front door, I texted him to save him coming round the back, not because I need permission. Occasionally I have locked up during the day and I get up and open door when I hear the car pull up. I cannot imagine my husband telling me whether I should have the door locked or not.

SpringIntoChaos · 21/04/2022 07:07

I think this might be the most ridiculous OP I've ever read 🤦‍♀️

  1. Make your own decisions about your own life.
  1. Your husband sounds like an idiot (and needs to have a word with himself!)
  1. Lock your sodding door!! It's SIMPLY COMMON SENSE! 🤦‍♀️
TheDug4 · 21/04/2022 07:08

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:07

DH doesn't like being "locked out", even though he has a key

That's ridiculous.
He'll just have to find a way to learn to live with it.
If that's the worst thing he has to worry about, he's a very lucky wanker man.

Moochio · 21/04/2022 07:13

What if the worst had happened and you'd been attacked? He needs to sort out his issues.

Crunchymum · 21/04/2022 07:18

Jesus Christ you both sound difficult.

He needs to seek some help with his issues and you need to stop being a doormat.

spotcheck · 21/04/2022 07:29

obalobawoba · 20/04/2022 22:14

And I don't trust my judgement of what is sensible and what is excessive worry. Last month he said "Don't lock me out" as he left.

Can you not say ' take your key, so I can lock up' ?

I can't quite get my head around this... Does your husband understand how to use a key? Is he under some misguided notion that using the key will take hours?
I'm flummoxed. He wants to save ( literally) 5 seconds in his entering the house routine, and for that he is happy for you to have the door unlocked?

It doesn't matter if you live in the safest place in the world, if YOU would feel better with the door locked, then lick the door.

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