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AIBU?

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Original poster

Leaving a wedding at 6.30pm/childcare

61 replies

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 18:44

DH and I have been invited to a wedding which is in a few weeks. We are day/evening guests. The wedding is of a close colleague of mine and I was touched to have an invite to the ceremony/whole wedding. I asked my parents when we had the save the date if they would look after DS1 and DS2 for the day so we could go. My mum asked me this week what time the wedding will finish and most likely we will be home at 6pm?(!) It’s a 2pm ceremony and it’s a 30 minute drive for us. So that would mean leaving at 5.30...probably still be eating our main course! I’m gutted 😞 Tried to broach the subject again today and I said it’ll probably be later than six as there will be speeches/cake cutting and we fancy a 💃 dance. She says “do you’ll be home at 7 then?” I feel like it would be rude to leave so early and we literally never go out or have childcare for anything. Not planning on staying til midnight but was hoping to stay until at least 9.30/10. How do I broach the subject and ask them to stay later? They are very set in their ways and don’t like being away from their own house/out of routine. They don’t drive but we’ve offered to pay for a taxi home for them. They are of the era when you got married, had a meal then the bride and groom went off into the sunset...

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 20/04/2022 18:46

Would they find it easier to look after DC in their own home

HalleLouja · 20/04/2022 18:47

Can you pay for a babysitter instead? She doesn’t seem keen. Might be easier all round.

BeetyAxe · 20/04/2022 18:48

Have a babysitter come and take over from the around 7pm. You can’t be leaving at 5.30!

Softleftpowerstance · 20/04/2022 18:48

“Mum, would it be easier if we found another babysitter? We’ve been invited to the whole wedding and it doesn’t finish until 11/12pm. We were planning to stay for most of it, you know how rarely we go out.”

LoudingVoice · 20/04/2022 18:53

Just ask them upfront - to be fair your mum isn’t a mind reader & if you’ve not said you’re planning to stay until later then she’s not to know!

Say ‘we were planning to stay until (time), is that ok or shall we get another babysitter to come over at 7pm?’

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 18:55

Unfortunately not possible to have them look after the kids in their own home as DS2 is autistic and prefers his own house, having all his things around. Not possible at short notice to hire a babysitter either as ds2 would need someone he knows in the house.

OP posts:
Classicblunder · 20/04/2022 18:55

I think this is on you for not having communicated the timings when asking them

It's not too late though, just say that you are sorry if they misunderstood but the timings of the wedding mean you were planning to be back around 10/10:30, is that ok?

It's not clear that they will say no. If they do, a good compromise would be a babysitter coming around bedtime to help them and then staying for the evening

Regenbogen22 · 20/04/2022 18:59

"How do I broach the subject and ask them to stay later?"

Sorry to be blunt, but they're your parents. You just have to do exactly that - bring up the problem and ask them to stay later!

Hugasauras · 20/04/2022 19:00

I think you just need to come out and say it!
'We've been invited to the day and evening celebrations, which will finish at around 10pm. Leaving at 6 would be a bit rude so if that's not possible for you, let me know and we will try to find other arrangements.'

Hexahop · 20/04/2022 19:03

Do they go to nursery/after school club? Would one of the staff be interested in some paid babysitting?

JurasicPerks · 20/04/2022 19:03

If your parents wont stay for the whole event, could DH cone back for 8pm, and you stay later?

Harridan1981 · 20/04/2022 19:07

I think this is just one of those things.

I would say that the polite thing to do would be to stay for the first dance of the evening, so could you make it 830 ish or whatever. If they say no then that's that unfortunately.

Will your child go to bed easily for someone else?

InDubiousBattle · 20/04/2022 19:11

As pp have said you're just going to have to be upfront and say 'my colleague has invited us to the full event and the evening do won't even start until 7. We'd really love to go and would be so grateful if you would have the kids until 10.30. Dh will drive you home when we get back. Is that OK?'. Can you go on your own if they say no ? I'd ask sooner rather than later so if plans change you can let the bride and groom know. It sounds to me like they do know how late it could be and just don't really want to do the evening babysitting, my dad's in his 70's and wouldn't expect a wedding to finish until midnight!

DockOTheBay · 20/04/2022 19:15

Just tell them you were hoping to stay until 10ish and will that be OK? If not, make other arrangements. I assume they just haven't been to a wedding recently and aren't sure on how long they go on for, so you need to let them know.

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:20

Thanks all, it’s harder cos it’s on a bank holiday and the kids are off school. I’m going to text them now and be upfront! I did say we planned to stay later and dance and my mum said “well, the other guests probably don’t have young children at home” 🙄 (they are not babies, they are 5 and almost 11). The youngest is great at settling to bed, he goes to bed at 7 and is mostly fast asleep by 7.30 so they would just be watching tele and keeping the oldest company. Might look into a babysitter coming at 8ish for a few hours.

OP posts:
TeaKlaxon · 20/04/2022 19:21

TBF they are being unreasonable if they thought 5.30 or 6 was a reasonable time to leave a wedding. Don't agree with pp who say they're not mindreaders - when you agree to babysit for someone attending a wedding, the starting assumption must surely be that it will be a much later finish than that.

I'm not from here, so even finishing at 11pm or midnight feels ludicrous to me for a celebration. You should tell your DM that you're aiming to be home before 5am the next morning. Maybe.

TeaKlaxon · 20/04/2022 19:22

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:20

Thanks all, it’s harder cos it’s on a bank holiday and the kids are off school. I’m going to text them now and be upfront! I did say we planned to stay later and dance and my mum said “well, the other guests probably don’t have young children at home” 🙄 (they are not babies, they are 5 and almost 11). The youngest is great at settling to bed, he goes to bed at 7 and is mostly fast asleep by 7.30 so they would just be watching tele and keeping the oldest company. Might look into a babysitter coming at 8ish for a few hours.

If it's your youngest that has ASD, would it be an option to have a babysitter/other family member come round after he's gone to sleep, so that he doesn't have the uncertainly of someone he's not comfortable with?

GreenClock · 20/04/2022 19:23

Perhaps your husband could get home earlier and you could stay and enjoy the evening with your other colleagues until 11ish?

It’s quite a long day for your parents if they’re elderly (which I infer from your OP) and your child has additional needs.

As an aside it would be a good idea to get your DC use to other babysitters at some point.

Ellmau · 20/04/2022 19:23

Can you invite them to stay overnight at your place afterwards, to save them driving home in the dark?

toomuchlaundry · 20/04/2022 19:25

Do they struggle to look after DS2?

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:33

TeaKlaxon · 20/04/2022 19:22

If it's your youngest that has ASD, would it be an option to have a babysitter/other family member come round after he's gone to sleep, so that he doesn't have the uncertainly of someone he's not comfortable with?

Show quote history

We don’t have anyone else we can ask unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:35

GreenClock · 20/04/2022 19:23

Perhaps your husband could get home earlier and you could stay and enjoy the evening with your other colleagues until 11ish?

It’s quite a long day for your parents if they’re elderly (which I infer from your OP) and your child has additional needs.

As an aside it would be a good idea to get your DC use to other babysitters at some point.

I did think of this, only myself and one other colleague are day guests apart from a couple which have now left. The rest are all coming to the evening do and I did think about DH driving back and me staying late for a dance. (tbh he doesn’t drink and is not a huge fan of staying late/going out)

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:37

toomuchlaundry · 20/04/2022 19:25

Do they struggle to look after DS2?

They do struggle sometimes, ds2 can be a handful and is physically very strong. They are elderly too, although in his own house he’s easy to look after and mostly amuses himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:39

GreenClock · 20/04/2022 19:23

Perhaps your husband could get home earlier and you could stay and enjoy the evening with your other colleagues until 11ish?

It’s quite a long day for your parents if they’re elderly (which I infer from your OP) and your child has additional needs.

As an aside it would be a good idea to get your DC use to other babysitters at some point.

Yes, they are elderly although my mum is fit and healthy (early 70s). We are hiring a PA soon for DS2 so luckily we will have more opportunities for respite/opportunities for DH and I to have quality time together.

OP posts:
fishonabicycle · 20/04/2022 19:40

Do your parents live near by? Just ask if they could stay later as a favour.