Leaving a wedding at 6.30pm/childcare

[TwinkleTwinkleSeren]

DH and I have been invited to a wedding which is in a few weeks. We are day/evening guests. The wedding is of a close colleague of mine and I was touched to have an invite to the ceremony/whole wedding. I asked my parents when we had the save the date if they would look after DS1 and DS2 for the day so we could go. My mum asked me this week what time the wedding will finish and most likely we will be home at 6pm?(!) It’s a 2pm ceremony and it’s a 30 minute drive for us. So that would mean leaving at 5.30...probably still be eating our main course! I’m gutted 😞 Tried to broach the subject again today and I said it’ll probably be later than six as there will be speeches/cake cutting and we fancy a 💃 dance. She says “do you’ll be home at 7 then?” I feel like it would be rude to leave so early and we literally never go out or have childcare for anything. Not planning on staying til midnight but was hoping to stay until at least 9.30/10. How do I broach the subject and ask them to stay later? They are very set in their ways and don’t like being away from their own house/out of routine. They don’t drive but we’ve offered to pay for a taxi home for them. They are of the era when you got married, had a meal then the bride and groom went off into the sunset...

I got married at 2pm ceremony was 30mins, canapés, drink and photography was 1hour 20, receiving line took about 10 mins ate about 4.00 speeches around 5 with coffee then there was a lull before the evening celebration (some people like my Nanna and Old Aunties left at this point and I didn’t mind at all) evening celebration started at 7, buffet and cake cutting about 8.30 first dance was after this….

Totally get this. My in laws are very fair-weather with childcare and don't want to do more than a few hrs. And my son has additional needs so getting someone in he trusts is crucial. We asked a babysitter, his nursery worker to do the day and MIL to do the easy bit of bedtime and the ever. We also did a couple of trial runs with the babysitter to get him used to the idea. But definitely push the issue, you need to have your life too.

Unbelievable comments about the OPs parents here

OP was clear in her OP, she asked for babysitting 'for the day' so why on earth would her mother expect that it was anything other than the day

Secondly its clear (for whatever reason) OP has poor communication with her mum, rather than being clear that we would like you to babysit until about 11ish, she hasnt said, that, merely suggesting slightly later to around 7ish and then chooses to fix the miscommunication by TEXTING her mum!!!

Comments from other posters like the parents are selfish and that OP should 'push the issue'!! The parents are not obliged to provide babysitting for OP.

Either find a baby sitter or decline the invite.

You need to be clear with your mum. It’s a wedding and you are likely to be there till 10pm ish

so home 1030

so check with mum this is ok

or you will find a babysitter to come 730/8 once youngest is in bed

in the long term you need to find some babysitters that youngest can meet and feel happy with so that you and she can go out in the evening and they babysit

Why on earth do you keep not answering your mum straight when she’s asking what time you’ll be back?

Why can’t you ask the bride about timings? I think this is all down to your poor communication in all honesty.

I’m irritated on your mum’s behalf, why can’t you just spell out what you’re asking of her in simple terms rather than thinking she can read your mind and getting annoyed that she can’t?

The bride will know the timings Most order of service now give details of what is happening and when.

it’s pure selfishness on your mum’s side
Hardly selfish - if the wedding is at 2pm and isn't close by, that probably means being there from midday with care of two children. one of whom has challenging behaviours - for a 70 year old. who could proabably think of more enjoyable things to do.

Did you sort this with your mum @TwinkleTwinkleSeren

Well am sure the parents will then understand in 10 or so years if they are looking for help and support that there's more enjoyable things the op will want to do!

It's a shame you can't have someone you know and trust look after them ti give you and dh time to enjoy a day/evening child free.

I'd suggest to your folks that dh comes and collects the kids from her at 6pm, and he then takes them home and gets then sorted and into bed, at which point a paid for babysitter can come and sit in the house til 10/11pm so dh can come back and enjoy the evening with you.

I got married at 2pm-
2pm service
3pm photos
4pm food
6pm in between bit
730m evening do
830pm first dance