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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a wedding at 6.30pm/childcare

61 replies

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 18:44

DH and I have been invited to a wedding which is in a few weeks. We are day/evening guests. The wedding is of a close colleague of mine and I was touched to have an invite to the ceremony/whole wedding. I asked my parents when we had the save the date if they would look after DS1 and DS2 for the day so we could go. My mum asked me this week what time the wedding will finish and most likely we will be home at 6pm?(!) It’s a 2pm ceremony and it’s a 30 minute drive for us. So that would mean leaving at 5.30...probably still be eating our main course! I’m gutted 😞 Tried to broach the subject again today and I said it’ll probably be later than six as there will be speeches/cake cutting and we fancy a 💃 dance. She says “do you’ll be home at 7 then?” I feel like it would be rude to leave so early and we literally never go out or have childcare for anything. Not planning on staying til midnight but was hoping to stay until at least 9.30/10. How do I broach the subject and ask them to stay later? They are very set in their ways and don’t like being away from their own house/out of routine. They don’t drive but we’ve offered to pay for a taxi home for them. They are of the era when you got married, had a meal then the bride and groom went off into the sunset...

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:43

About a 25 minute car drive away

OP posts:
DPotter · 20/04/2022 19:45

I doubt you'll have even sat down to eat at 5.30 with a 2pm service, what with photos, meet and greet, speeches before the meal is a thing as well.

Time to re-negotiate I think

OliveOyl321 · 20/04/2022 19:54

I think if your parents are going to make you clock-watch then @GreenClock had a great suggestion about your husband leaving earlier and maybe you could get a taxi/lift later without worrying about the time.
It’ll be lovely to spend time with your DH and your work friends away from kids for a few hours. I definitely wouldn’t leave early unless I had no choice - I think it would be noticed.

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:55

DPotter · 20/04/2022 19:45

I doubt you'll have even sat down to eat at 5.30 with a 2pm service, what with photos, meet and greet, speeches before the meal is a thing as well.

Time to re-negotiate I think

Yes, I did wonder about the itinerary of the day and timings etc. I don’t really want to ask the bride what time is dinner though lol. Again DM said today - you’ll be sitting down for food at 3? They’ll only just be starting the photos by then. It’s a big wedding too.

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:56

Has anyone got experience of the kind of timings for a 2pm wedding?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:58

OliveOyl321 · 20/04/2022 19:54

I think if your parents are going to make you clock-watch then @GreenClock had a great suggestion about your husband leaving earlier and maybe you could get a taxi/lift later without worrying about the time.
It’ll be lovely to spend time with your DH and your work friends away from kids for a few hours. I definitely wouldn’t leave early unless I had no choice - I think it would be noticed.

I’m really hoping to enjoy and actually have a dance with DH. Is so rare that we get to dress up and enjoy each other’s company without the kids. If it comes to it he probably would leave earlier than me and drive back himself so I could stay.

OP posts:
Classicblunder · 20/04/2022 19:58

I would just tell your parents that you've checked the itinerary - no need to actually do it - and that it's ceremony 2-3, photos 3-4, canapes 4-5, dinner 5-8. That's about right tbh

Original poster
TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 20:02

Classicblunder · 20/04/2022 19:58

I would just tell your parents that you've checked the itinerary - no need to actually do it - and that it's ceremony 2-3, photos 3-4, canapes 4-5, dinner 5-8. That's about right tbh

Oh cool. Yes that sounds about right.

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 20/04/2022 20:03

I’d either get another babysitter or just go alone leave husband with kids!

my husband isn’t going to my sisters wedding cus we can’t get a babysitter unfortunately as everyone id ask is gonna be at the wedding !

its your friend so you should get to go at least

DPotter · 20/04/2022 20:04

The last wedding I went to -
wedding service 30 mins
general milling about outside church - 20 mins (but it was December so cold)
travel between church and hotel - about 20 mins
drinks and nibbles - about 1-1.45 (photos being done)
sit down for dinner - speeches first for about -30-40 mins

It all adds up.

To be honest I don't think there ever was a wedding where food was served an hour after the wedding was due to start so I think your DM is being wildly optimistic!

BungleandGeorge · 20/04/2022 20:09

If you asked them to look after the children ‘for the day’ they potentially didn’t think that meant the evening? Do they look after them much? It’s obvious that they don’t want to stay late so I think in the absence of other babysitters best option is your husband comes back. If they are your only sitters you really need to keep them on side!

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/04/2022 20:11

Has your DM never been to a wedding?! And the first time she (bizarrely) asked if you would be home at teatime, why did you not say "Of course not Mum, it's a wedding. It will just be getting started by then."

BungleandGeorge · 20/04/2022 20:18

The meal won’t go on until 8. They’ll need to have everything away before the evening guests arrive at 7.30/8. And a gap before the evening buffet. Is the wedding and reception at the same venue?

zhivagodr · 20/04/2022 20:28

If your parents refuse to babysit into the evening and you have to leave by 6pm, I’d tell the bride you can’t go. I think it would be extremely rude to leave halfway through - weddings are expensive and she would have paid for you and your husbands meal that would go to waste.

MrsJBaptiste · 20/04/2022 21:19

We got married at 2pm (years ago!)

I can't remember the exact timings but I remember the evening guests turning up at 7pm and we'd literally just finished the speeches. You really won't be able to leave at 5.30pm, you might not even have had pudding by then!

Rainbowqueeen · 20/04/2022 21:24

I’d have DH leave and you stay for the entire evening. But I’d try to extend it so he didn’t need to leave until 7.

fruitbrewhaha · 20/04/2022 21:28

Did you say you were going to text your mum? Really, just phone her and speak to her. She is clearly deluded if she thinks you'll be done by 5:30 and you can tell her it would be very rude to accept the invitation to only stay for such a short time. I would also tell her how much you need her help with this and she is letting you down with her unrealistic expectations. She said she would look after them, she needs to do it.

MoltenLasagne · 20/04/2022 21:50

Does she actually believe you could be home by 6pm or is she only pretending to think that so she doesn't have to be upfront about changing her mind?

SarahDippity · 20/04/2022 21:55

TwinkleTwinkleSeren · 20/04/2022 19:56

Has anyone got experience of the kind of timings for a 2pm wedding?

Just phone the hotel/venue and ask. It will likely by 6.

greenlynx · 20/04/2022 22:13

We were at a wedding with 1 pm service, the meal started at 5 pm but we did have short travel between venues. At 5.30 we just had a starter. The first dance was about 9.15. I think it’s pretty typical. There were a lot of young children (under 5s) and they only started leaving after the first dance at 9.15. I’m very surprised at your Mum’s questions. Don’t tell her that you want to dance or anything, tell them that leaving until at least 9.30 would be very rude. And it’s true.

greenlynx · 20/04/2022 22:26

If your youngest is in bed by 7pm …. it’s pure selfishness on your mum’s side to ask you to come at 6pm. Have a chat with her and offer her to plan and prepare as much as possible in advance: food, clothes, games etc.
Does he have TA at school whom you can ask ? Or his TA might know another TA from school who might be interested in babysitting.
I have a child with additional needs and no family near by so DH and I very rare go out together, I can imagine how you are looking forward to it.

Bumpinthenight · 20/04/2022 22:27

I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago. 130pm service started. Venue 20 minute drive away. Seated at 430pm for speeches first then dinner. 2 courses, no coffee. Last plate cleared at 7pm as evening guests arrived.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/04/2022 18:27

YANBU especially if youngest will be bed early. Just tell them they are being unrealistic and that you'll be back around about 11pm. They can't really think you'd be back at 6...

AndAsIfByMagic · 21/04/2022 18:38

Your mum is telling you she expects you to me home earlier than you want to be.

She may be finding the length of time you want her there quite daunting and potentially tiring. Ask her if that's the case. And if it is the come home at a time to suit her.

balalake · 21/04/2022 18:43

A few weeks away, surely a babysitter is an option you can try? Short notice would be this weekend.

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