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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cancel the summer hols

62 replies

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 13:52

need some outside perspectives on what you’d do. DH and I keep flip flopping.

2 dcs, one 6 months and one nearly 3. DH and I haven’t left the country since 2018 due to pregnancy and lockdown etc. Truthfully, it’s been a real shit show of a couple of years, lockdown with a newborn was hard (severe pnd), several close relatives (DF on my side and a few other auntys on DH side) so a real shit. When Dh secured a lovely new job (nice pay rise) we said ok, let’s go on hols, nothing too fancy drive to France do self catering, but a break, I know hols with little kids aren’t ever too relaxing but we want(ed) to treat them for the feel good factor. We calculated it would be about £2k. We’ve put a £100 deposit down for the cottage.

here’s the snag, my pay is about to go to Smp and whilst I’ve saved for this, basically from the start of my mat leave there have been expenses that ate our savings, dc1 had nearly £1k worth of private medical bills (long story short GP ran lots of erroneous tests because she had blood in her stool once and then practice nurse advised that all signs point of something sinister like bowl cancer and then they refused to write referral letters to paeds and lost them, going out of our minds we paid to go private- another reason to need a break). We need units put in our main bathroom as we’ve just got some Argos / ikea freestanding ones that aren’t ideal for kids, DD needs a new bed, we need to convert the spare room into a spare room/ study so need to get new desks and a day bed, ideally we need to do the garden too but as it’s functional that can wait and then obviously the huge and hideous rise in the cost of living.

we now keep flip flopping, we’ve been at work for 4 years straight (mat leave and work in my case) without a break or holiday and in many senses t to look forward too, we’ve had a shitty time of it and the kids would love it so we know we ‘need’ a break, but then there’s the other expenses and the fact you can only spend it once.

wwyd? Cancel or go?

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 20/04/2022 13:56

why not just take the break from work, but stay home and do local touristy activities for the time. The key is to really treat it like a break and not give on to the urge to use the time to do home improvement projects or cleaning. Make a schedule of activities, even if they are things like camping in your own garden.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/04/2022 13:58

Id find a compromise between "we'll just CANCEL summer!!" and spending 2k. You say you've worked four years straight - what about AL? Is DH self employed? Why haven't he had a break from work in that time?

What about a UK break? Less of a drive with a still small baby and possibly a newly toilet trained toddler. Less money so you're not going to be as stretched on the other side

zafferana · 20/04/2022 14:00

I'd go OP. Staying at home is never the same as getting away and nice days out with two such little DC? Nah. Go to France. Have your SC cottage. The change of scene and food alone will make it worth it. When we first got away last summer after 18 months stuck at home I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. It was wonderful to be somewhere else again, to be on holiday, and everyone I know who has also been able to get away has felt the same way. So treat yourselves.

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 14:04

SleepingStandingUp · 20/04/2022 13:58

Id find a compromise between "we'll just CANCEL summer!!" and spending 2k. You say you've worked four years straight - what about AL? Is DH self employed? Why haven't he had a break from work in that time?

What about a UK break? Less of a drive with a still small baby and possibly a newly toilet trained toddler. Less money so you're not going to be as stretched on the other side

We looked at UK breaks and tbh it’s just as expensive and tbh just as much driving for us to get down to a (potentially) warm coast.

OP posts:
Nowomenaroundeh · 20/04/2022 14:06

I think you need to take a break but if it's at the expense of something you really need like your daughter's bed then that will be so much pressure that you won't even be able to enjoy it.

So you have two choices:

  1. write a list of what you need and examine them one-by-one. What can be removed for twelve months? What can be secured very cheaply or for free?
    Or

  2. Does The Holiday have to be THIS holiday? Discuss with your husband what is most important to you on the holiday? Could that be achieved at a significant financial saving by holidaying in the UK, going to stay with a friend or doing a house swap with someone?

There is a compromise to be found somehow.

Mindymomo · 20/04/2022 14:10

My DH was self employed and I worked part time, so we never really knew if we could spend money on holidays, but I’m so glad we did and took a break.

Smartiepants79 · 20/04/2022 14:10

zafferana · 20/04/2022 14:00

I'd go OP. Staying at home is never the same as getting away and nice days out with two such little DC? Nah. Go to France. Have your SC cottage. The change of scene and food alone will make it worth it. When we first got away last summer after 18 months stuck at home I felt like a weight had been lifted off me. It was wonderful to be somewhere else again, to be on holiday, and everyone I know who has also been able to get away has felt the same way. So treat yourselves.

I agree with this!
Go, enjoy.
Be sensible with earth you spend but, just go!
Logically, your finances aren’t going to be any better next year or the year after! You could go another 4 years have if never gone anywhere!

Ops1 · 20/04/2022 14:16

I would go on the holiday
the memories last a lifetime and if you can afford to go then go
the house things sound like nice to haves and personally I prioritise family holidays annually for the headspace and family time

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 14:16

Oh should say DH isn’t self employed but all his leave was taken up really by extending pat leave x 2 (hardly a break but definitely needed), and then to cover the sheer amount of bereavements (losing my dad was horrid, very drawn out yet sudden, opposite ends of the country, i was 6 months pregnant and had a toddler so DH ended up taking a lot of time to be with me and look after DC). He’s had the odd day for the sake of a day trip but nothing that feels like a holiday I think

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 20/04/2022 14:19

You will always have something that needs doing. I would still go on an holiday in your situation but not go on one as expensive as what you’re looking at.
I’ll find a middle ground. With children who are not yet in school, I’ll book a cheaper holiday abroad during term time that will cost £1000 or less so you still have some money saved to do some of the things you need.

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 14:24

Nowomenaroundeh · 20/04/2022 14:06

I think you need to take a break but if it's at the expense of something you really need like your daughter's bed then that will be so much pressure that you won't even be able to enjoy it.

So you have two choices:

  1. write a list of what you need and examine them one-by-one. What can be removed for twelve months? What can be secured very cheaply or for free?
    Or

  2. Does The Holiday have to be THIS holiday? Discuss with your husband what is most important to you on the holiday? Could that be achieved at a significant financial saving by holidaying in the UK, going to stay with a friend or doing a house swap with someone?

There is a compromise to be found somehow.

Oh we can afford DDs bed, that’s not really an issue. Tbh a toddler bed is maybe £200 from ikea. The units in the bathroom and the holiday? Not so much!

we don’t really have any friends outside of our area, especially ones that could accommodate 4. Same with a house swap. We looked at self catering in the UK or even centre parks and that’s a boat load more expensive

OP posts:
HaggisTheGreat · 20/04/2022 14:25

I think driving to France for a self catering break with 2 such young DC won’t be any kind of a holiday/rest for you. Same shit without the home comforts and routine. I would stay at home and plan a break around that. Keep the older one in nursery for a few days if he goes. Nap when the kids nap. Get some easy food in. Do a picnic in your living room or garden. Drive somewhere nice nearby (beach/park) for the day with a picnic. Have a water fight. Etc. Kids at that age enjoy simple things and won’t feel treated by a holiday abroad. And you will stress about money.

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 14:29

Tohaveandtohold · 20/04/2022 14:19

You will always have something that needs doing. I would still go on an holiday in your situation but not go on one as expensive as what you’re looking at.
I’ll find a middle ground. With children who are not yet in school, I’ll book a cheaper holiday abroad during term time that will cost £1000 or less so you still have some money saved to do some of the things you need.

We’ve really researched and given the fact that we’ve got 2 kids that need car seats (for transfers if flying) we figured the cheapest and best way to go is to drive or take the train. Driving works out more economical. To break up the travel we’d need to stop the night otw yo Folkestone and back, so that tacks on an extr £300. So £2k all in inc spending money was the best we could get it too. I don’t think we could find another hols cheaper than that.

OP posts:
Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 14:40

HaggisTheGreat · 20/04/2022 14:25

I think driving to France for a self catering break with 2 such young DC won’t be any kind of a holiday/rest for you. Same shit without the home comforts and routine. I would stay at home and plan a break around that. Keep the older one in nursery for a few days if he goes. Nap when the kids nap. Get some easy food in. Do a picnic in your living room or garden. Drive somewhere nice nearby (beach/park) for the day with a picnic. Have a water fight. Etc. Kids at that age enjoy simple things and won’t feel treated by a holiday abroad. And you will stress about money.

I know it won’t be feet up and sipping mimosas on a beach levels of relaxation but it’s the total change of scenery, plus the place we’d reserved was where my dad used to take me as a kid, and oh I loved it so much. I have the fondest memories, seeing the ground, the front lawn we’d play lawn games on as the sun set, the pool. It looks really similar to how it looked 20 years ago. It’s like an old chateau in the centre with SC cottages around, lots of exploring, free kids activities. My kids never really met him, lockdown took that from us. It sounds silly typing it but it felt like there’d be some symmetry, nostalgia there, plus we’d be going close to a year to his passing.part of me wants to visit our favourite childhood place again

OP posts:
Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 14:47

Tui have a few very cheap deals available currently - I would certainly look on there. I have seen a number of 3/4 star all inclusive breaks for a week for less than 1k

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 15:08

Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 14:47

Tui have a few very cheap deals available currently - I would certainly look on there. I have seen a number of 3/4 star all inclusive breaks for a week for less than 1k

It’s the transfer, a) getting to the airport and b) getting from the airport to the hotel/ accommodation safely.

we’d need to buy 2 new car seats to take on (probably could get for under £200) and then check them in and then hire a car to drive. All adds up, it’s about £500 to hire a car for a week. So that’s £700 added on there and then. No spending money yet either.

we’d looked at flying to France and i called a bunch of taxi companies and they either don’t have car seats or have team tex ones (the ones with white clips). Hiring car seats isn’t really a safe option either
.

OP posts:
Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 15:25

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 15:08

It’s the transfer, a) getting to the airport and b) getting from the airport to the hotel/ accommodation safely.

we’d need to buy 2 new car seats to take on (probably could get for under £200) and then check them in and then hire a car to drive. All adds up, it’s about £500 to hire a car for a week. So that’s £700 added on there and then. No spending money yet either.

we’d looked at flying to France and i called a bunch of taxi companies and they either don’t have car seats or have team tex ones (the ones with white clips). Hiring car seats isn’t really a safe option either
.

Most package holidays (such as tui) will include transfers to the hotel and will allow you to take one pushchair or car seat per child for free. Look into it, it may be significantly less than you think

Swayingpalmtrees · 20/04/2022 15:35

There is no way I would entertain self catering, you need to have a total break from cooking, cleaning and tidying/caring. Somewhere baby friendly, not too warm with a babysitting service would serve you well. I did a sc holiday and really regretted it! Making beds and stacking the dishwasher, same as home but just a different place.

I would book the holiday, there will always be a long list of things that need to be done, fixed, replaced. It will never end. Have a restful holiday with some pampering and self care and you will feel so much better for it.

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 15:35

Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 15:25

Most package holidays (such as tui) will include transfers to the hotel and will allow you to take one pushchair or car seat per child for free. Look into it, it may be significantly less than you think

I will have a butchers at this actually! Thanks for the suggestion!

it’s still a mish to get to the airport with the car seats though. As far as I’m aware it’s not ‘safe’ to take a child on a coach without a car seat?

OP posts:
Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 15:44

If you were planning on driving to France can you not just drive to the local airport and pay the £60ish for parking (that's what I have just paid for a week at Manchester)

Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 15:48

Personally I could not think of anything worse than driving to France (although I in the North so it is a very long drive for us), nor would I want self catering, neither of those things sound like a holiday to me. Travelling with small children will never be as stress free as pre children but there are certainly ways to make it easier and I would say an all inclusive package is probably as easy (and therefore enjoyable) as you will get.
Some of the prices are high but there are definately some bargains to be had if you can be flexible on dates. Have a look on hotukdeals and there are some TUI examples (this is where I saw them)

Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 15:57

Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 15:44

If you were planning on driving to France can you not just drive to the local airport and pay the £60ish for parking (that's what I have just paid for a week at Manchester)

We could, but we wouldn’t actually be able to fit everything in our car (2 additional car seats) plus boxes and cases. Plus then we’d have to rent a car there and it’s another £500, works out cheaper to drive

OP posts:
Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 15:58

Barkingmadhouse · 20/04/2022 15:48

Personally I could not think of anything worse than driving to France (although I in the North so it is a very long drive for us), nor would I want self catering, neither of those things sound like a holiday to me. Travelling with small children will never be as stress free as pre children but there are certainly ways to make it easier and I would say an all inclusive package is probably as easy (and therefore enjoyable) as you will get.
Some of the prices are high but there are definately some bargains to be had if you can be flexible on dates. Have a look on hotukdeals and there are some TUI examples (this is where I saw them)

It wasn’t my first choice either but I actually posted on MN about it and the overall advice was go SC at a young age and think about driving due to car seats

OP posts:
Namechangestimes100 · 20/04/2022 16:10

I’ve just had a browse on tui and the ones we like have come out at around 1950 anyways

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 20/04/2022 16:16

I would be anxious about the money if I went, which means it wouldn't be a holiday for me. so I'd either do a cheaper holiday or not go at all.

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