To not understand ‘reborn’ dolls?

Narwhalsh · 2022-04-20T09:02:34+00:00

I have young kids so am always scoping out fb marketplace for second hand stuff for them-but keep coming across ads for very lifelike looking dolls costing hundreds of pounds! They advertise them as ‘reborn’ dolls, apparently with artists attached to them (presumably who made them?) but AIBU to not understand what they are for? What do people do with them? Presumably they aren’t for kids at those prices? Why are they ‘reborn’??

Flyonthewall01 · 20/04/2022 10:04

AFAIK they are for women who have often lost their baby to help them deal with the greif

SoupDragon · 20/04/2022 10:05

No, it's not just that, some people collect them.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 20/04/2022 10:07

Oh don't! I got into an amazingly angry row with a woman over these things.

I think they are freaky looking things that serve to support, prolong a person's grief, sense of loss, longing etc,. I agree with the many psychiatrists and psychologists who think they are more of a danger to mental health than a benefit.

But the people who use them to support themelves during such a loss are adament about their benefits. Angrily so.

So, not wishing to be misundertsood here, I dislike them intensely as I can see, intellectually and in real life, the harm they do to the ability of someone to navigate the natural process of grief.

Chikapu · 20/04/2022 10:11

They're horrible, creepy looking things. I don't understand them either.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/04/2022 10:15

If they offer support to people who have lost babies then they obviously have a benefit, but I can't help wondering if they do good.

Surely pretending your baby is still with you is worse for your mental health and recovery? I haven't been in that situation but I can't even get my head around the logic. Surely your just extending your grief or prolonging the period until you reach acceptance?

I'd also worry about how it would affect the owner if something happened to the doll? If it broke or was damaged somehow or went missing. I can only imagine that having catastrophic repercussions.

steff13 · 20/04/2022 10:16

I find all sold somewhat terrifying. But, they're "for" what all sold are for - people who like them.

steff13 · 20/04/2022 10:17

"dolls" not sold. Still no edit option with the new update, huh?

HashtagShitShop · 20/04/2022 10:26

I get what you're saying and they wouldn't do for me.

However, my elderly cousin has several and loves them. She doesn't sit and nurse them or pretend they're real but they do bring her comfort. She would have loved children but her ex husband was a monster and she was sadly too damaged inside to be able to have children when she finally got free of him.

I also know my gran would have adored them too if they'd been a thing when she was here. She was born to be a mother/grandmother and lost 2 babies at 6 and then 7 weeks old after my mum was born. She also had a horrendously abusive husband too 💔

TheOriginalEmu · 20/04/2022 10:28

They are very beneficial for some people with dementia.
i don’t get it either, but it’s not my job to police what other people do with their grief

Tobacco · 20/04/2022 10:29

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 20/04/2022 10:07

Oh don't! I got into an amazingly angry row with a woman over these things.

I think they are freaky looking things that serve to support, prolong a person's grief, sense of loss, longing etc,. I agree with the many psychiatrists and psychologists who think they are more of a danger to mental health than a benefit.

But the people who use them to support themelves during such a loss are adament about their benefits. Angrily so.

So, not wishing to be misundertsood here, I dislike them intensely as I can see, intellectually and in real life, the harm they do to the ability of someone to navigate the natural process of grief.

They're probably angry that you are getting into fights with women about what does and doesn't help them with baby loss. Maybe respect their wishes and leave them be.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 20/04/2022 10:30

They are often used to help patients with dementia as well.

Some bereaved parents use them, you can get them made to be the exact weight of your baby.

I don't use them, but I completely understand why others do. It only takes a little empathy for others situations to be able to 'get' why people use them.

Mummytobe93 · 20/04/2022 10:34

I understand it’s a collective item

but

I’ve seen women of YouTube having full blown nurseries set up for the dolls, they film “my morning routine” type of videos etc. That’s tad weird. One woman said she’s got 4 grown kids and just misses the baby stage…

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 20/04/2022 10:35

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 20/04/2022 10:07

Oh don't! I got into an amazingly angry row with a woman over these things.

I think they are freaky looking things that serve to support, prolong a person's grief, sense of loss, longing etc,. I agree with the many psychiatrists and psychologists who think they are more of a danger to mental health than a benefit.

But the people who use them to support themelves during such a loss are adament about their benefits. Angrily so.

So, not wishing to be misundertsood here, I dislike them intensely as I can see, intellectually and in real life, the harm they do to the ability of someone to navigate the natural process of grief.

Do you think that a bereaved parents grief ever goes away? It really doesn't. A doll won't prolong grief, it's eternal, and daily.

CoalCraft · 20/04/2022 10:37

For some they're a collector's item and part of a hobby. Some people like to dress them in various outfits and do photoshoots, etc. It isn't for me but each to their own.

10HailMarys · 20/04/2022 14:34

It seems to vary. I've certainly read about people getting them to cope with the loss of a baby, and using them like a means of therapy. I don't know enough about it to know whether that's actually a healthy way of coping or not, and I certainly doubt it would be helpful for every bereaved parent, but maybe it works for some? I'm guessing in a situation as dreadful as the loss of a child, anything that might be even the tiniest bit helpful would be welcome.

Dementia patients are often helped by dolls, but usually any reasonably cuddly lifesize baby doll seems to be comforting for them, so not sure it would need to be one of those types.

However, there are also people who just seem to collect them and obsess over them in a way that I find a bit weird. I remember there were adults who were massively into Cabbage Patch Dolls when they first came out too, and this reminds me of that a bit because I found that really weird too! Only to me it seems weirder when the dolls are so hyper-realistic. Fair play to them if they get something out of it - they're not doing any harm and who am I to say what should make someone happy. But I do find it really unsettling and a bit icky for some reason. I appreciate that's my problem and not theirs, though!

Bpdqueen · 20/04/2022 14:38

Their usually used for dementia patients or people who have suffered the loss of a baby or have fertility issues

HerculesMulligan · 20/04/2022 14:40

I've only seen reborn dolls from a distance (a lady on a bus in Oxford holding one, which I thought was real for a little while) but my toddler daughter was given an ordinary doll which has a dollies' face but is weighted and feels just like a newborn baby. I think it's actually weighted because that makes it sit, but when she and I were playing with her dolls, I was surprised and a bit amused to find that I didn't want to put the weighted doll (I typed "weighted baby" first!) down. There was something extremely reassuring about it. I can see why they are comforting to people with dementia etc.

10HailMarys · 20/04/2022 14:40

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 20/04/2022 10:07

Oh don't! I got into an amazingly angry row with a woman over these things.

I think they are freaky looking things that serve to support, prolong a person's grief, sense of loss, longing etc,. I agree with the many psychiatrists and psychologists who think they are more of a danger to mental health than a benefit.

But the people who use them to support themelves during such a loss are adament about their benefits. Angrily so.

So, not wishing to be misundertsood here, I dislike them intensely as I can see, intellectually and in real life, the harm they do to the ability of someone to navigate the natural process of grief.

I don't think anyone should be arguing with a bereaved woman about the way they choose to handle their grief.

Unless you're their psychiatrist, it's not your place to tell them what they should/shouldn't be doing to 'navigate the natural process of grief'. I'm really dubious about the use of these dolls, but I would never in million years argue with someone who got one because they'd lost a baby. It's absolutely nobody else's business and the last thing anyone needs in that situation is people telling them they're doing grief wrong.

Chichimcgee · 20/04/2022 14:41

Collectible and have shown to benefit people in care homes and those with Alzheimer’s to have something to care for and focus on without wing an actual risk to a living thing.
they also help people struggling with mental health issues.
personally I don’t see the appeal but there is a huge market for them

Unforgettablefire · 20/04/2022 14:48

I remember the crying ones for teenage girls to prevent underage pregnancy, they had to get up through the night with them and “care” for them through the day. I always wondered if they worked 😄

mubarak86 · 20/04/2022 14:49

There was a channel 4 documentary once about them a range of people had them. One was a grandmother whose dgs moved to Australia (he had lived with her from newborn) so she got a doll made to look like him. Another was an infertile woman who just wanted a baby. She ordered them from someone in America and went to Harrods to buy her a 'coming home outfit'. She went to collect her but the baby's head had a slight crack in it and she was very upset, saying she wasn't perfect so didn't want her any more.
A girl in my dc's class had quite an unusual mix of ethnicities and her mum got one custom made for her that looked like her as she never found a doll that looked similar to her.

gamerchick · 20/04/2022 15:01

HerculesMulligan · 20/04/2022 14:40

I've only seen reborn dolls from a distance (a lady on a bus in Oxford holding one, which I thought was real for a little while) but my toddler daughter was given an ordinary doll which has a dollies' face but is weighted and feels just like a newborn baby. I think it's actually weighted because that makes it sit, but when she and I were playing with her dolls, I was surprised and a bit amused to find that I didn't want to put the weighted doll (I typed "weighted baby" first!) down. There was something extremely reassuring about it. I can see why they are comforting to people with dementia etc.

Heh there really is. O remember my daughter had a certain type. It had a breathing mechanism, was pliable and weighted like a real baby. It was mint to sit and cuddle. I did put it back in it's box when I wondered if it needed a cardie like.

EliyanahM · 20/04/2022 15:06

I won't judge. When my daughter was born 14 weeks early she was in NICU for 126 days, and I was a single mum with horrible family, and I would go out late at night to push my empty pram around and i pretended that my baby was in it, just to myself. I don't know if it was a good thing or not, but it's what happened.

OatmilkandCookies · 20/04/2022 15:14

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 20/04/2022 10:15

If they offer support to people who have lost babies then they obviously have a benefit, but I can't help wondering if they do good.

Surely pretending your baby is still with you is worse for your mental health and recovery? I haven't been in that situation but I can't even get my head around the logic. Surely your just extending your grief or prolonging the period until you reach acceptance?

I'd also worry about how it would affect the owner if something happened to the doll? If it broke or was damaged somehow or went missing. I can only imagine that having catastrophic repercussions.

Consider yourself lucky you don't need to get your head around what it feels like for your baby to die! Personally I don't use one but the feeling of empty arms is overwhelming, especially at the start, and I can understand why it might help some grieving mothers.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 20/04/2022 15:17

Honestly, when it comes to such a sensitive subject I'd grin and bear it.

You have no idea how these women feel and how they have ended up in a situation where they've needed an, admittedly, creepy looking doll to feel like they have a purpose.

It's very sad all round really. YABU for judging them - as long as they aren't hurting you, mind your business.