To not understand ‘reborn’ dolls?

[Narwhalsh]

I have young kids so am always scoping out fb marketplace for second hand stuff for them-but keep coming across ads for very lifelike looking dolls costing hundreds of pounds! They advertise them as ‘reborn’ dolls, apparently with artists attached to them (presumably who made them?) but AIBU to not understand what they are for?

What do people do with them? Presumably they aren’t for kids at those prices? Why are they ‘reborn’??

People with dementia sometimes like them

I agree with this tbh. Just accept they aren't for you.

I don't find them creepy. I think some people collect them, and some people may find them comforting if they have been through a trauma or lost a child. I wouldn't judge harshly. There's a woman near me who walks round with a doll, bless her

I don’t understand the judgement.

people like different things.
people process grief in different ways.

Psychology and psychiatry have a long history of being wrong about things. I’d sooner listen to what grieving women say they need than experts. In fact, that’s why stillborn babies are no longer whisked away briskly by experts who know best.

When my child was stillborn I was desperate for something baby sized and weight to hold. I didn't get one of these dolls but I can see the comfort of holding one may bring.

I think it's quite easy to understand. Some people love holding babies...i do. If a friend or relative has had a baby, I'm absolutely thrilled to hold the baby. I always say holding a baby is good for your soul! I wouldn't get a reborn doll but I'm not surprised some people do. It's not vastly different to when we are children and cuddle teddy bears.

Creepy!
Although some are appealing from an artistic point of view. Think about it, creating something that looks almost lifelike is a special skill.

I would honestly quite like one. I don’t want any more kids but I think it would be nice to have a realistic baby to cuddle. They’re so expensive though.

You had to be there. It was a work based session, we are all professionals.

The conversation was about a specific counselling session I was looking for funding for. She asked if I had ever looked for funding for these things, for bereaved parents and I said no, made no other comment just that one word. She then stopped talking to me and started shouting AT me.

I very rarely let any service user or colleague know my personal opinion on any matter. Given the nature of some of the work I do, I save that for here. As I said, professional meeting.

There's an older woman round the corner who has one, she likes to take the doll out for a walk and often stops mum's with buggies for a chat. She is clearly unwell but the doll seems to being her comfort. I'm always happy to have a quick chat with her but I've noticed other mums find it awkward or uncomfortable

That isn't what I said, nor what I meant. I was talking about the process, not the grief itself.

I would never in million years argue with someone who got one because they'd lost a baby.

Nor would or did I! And I do have some experience in counselling. Proper stuff rather than a life coach type thing.

Given your lack of empathy and understanding I don't think you should be supporting any bereaved parents tbh.

If you go on YouTube, there are people who collect almost anything. Many reborn doll collectors have their own children. It’s just a hobby. It has become a way for talented artists to showcase their talents as well.

There are also grown women who collect Jellycat toys and Build-A-Bears. There are adults who collect Disney toys, Lego and so on.

If you are using them as a healing help, it might depend how you use them and think about them.

I've thought once or twice about getting them, I'd like them at the same weight as my babies who died really, but they are terrifically expensive.

Ideally I'd like to cuddle my babies, holding boxes of ashes in the crook of your arm isn't the same.

I can see why they'd do more harm than good for some people.

Given your lack of empathy and understanding I don't think you should be supporting any bereaved parents tbh.

Look, you disgree with me. I don't really care, but you might want to stop and think about such statements. Make one in real life and you could find yourself in hot water.

There are prefectly good reasons why I hold the opinions I do. But, as ever, there are also other opinions that hold the reverse for equally good reasons. That's good as in based in research reasons.

And I suspect you meant sympathy rather than empathy. AIn which case you would be right, I don't. But I can and do empathise, with appropriate distance, as that is part of my job. I couldn't have meaningful client contact if I had too much sympathy or was lacking in empathy.

I am not an expert in psychology but whatever gets you through the day....

I think they are creepy, but to each their own.

My grand daughter follows a gal on social media. Who plays with these dolls.
you tube baby adaline.
this gal appears to be 10, has a few reborns and makes videos. Very professional ones to boot!
obviously a trend to sell them to children.

Over the years I’ve worked with many bereaved parents and I’ve yet to find one who has opted for a reborn doll to help with their grief.

each to their own but I personally find them creepy and in no way would I find it a comfort in dealing with my own experience of baby loss.

No, I meant empathy.

I have spent decades hearing people say such shit to bereaved parents like myself, and I have certainly made such statements before, and will again, I have no intention of being careful while talking to people who think they know better than those who have been through it, they are all twats tbh. I couldn't give a shit about whatever 'hot water' you seem to think I'll find myself in, whatever that was supposed to mean.

Your response has definitely shown you're in the wrong job though.

As I said, we disagree. We have different life experiences. I am not trying to denigrate yours.

And you have no idea what my job is/ jobs are. You have made another assumption.

I'm not really bothered about what your job is, but you shouldn't be offering any sort of help or support to bereaved parents.