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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand ‘reborn’ dolls?

66 replies

Narwhalsh · 20/04/2022 10:02

I have young kids so am always scoping out fb marketplace for second hand stuff for them-but keep coming across ads for very lifelike looking dolls costing hundreds of pounds! They advertise them as ‘reborn’ dolls, apparently with artists attached to them (presumably who made them?) but AIBU to not understand what they are for?

What do people do with them? Presumably they aren’t for kids at those prices? Why are they ‘reborn’??

OP posts:
Anon778833 · 20/04/2022 21:15

@HedgehogToes I’m so sorry you lost your babies 💐

Mangogogogo · 20/04/2022 21:34

Someone close to me has them because although she isn’t infertile, she would not be able to look after a baby no matter how much she wants one, for various reasons.

they bring her comfort (unless she’s out with the pram and full grown adults pick on her and chase her!!) I don’t really see the problem at all. In fact she’s made a more sensible decision than some women do!

Herejustforthisone · 20/04/2022 21:51

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 20/04/2022 10:07

Oh don't! I got into an amazingly angry row with a woman over these things.

I think they are freaky looking things that serve to support, prolong a person's grief, sense of loss, longing etc,. I agree with the many psychiatrists and psychologists who think they are more of a danger to mental health than a benefit.

But the people who use them to support themelves during such a loss are adament about their benefits. Angrily so.

So, not wishing to be misundertsood here, I dislike them intensely as I can see, intellectually and in real life, the harm they do to the ability of someone to navigate the natural process of grief.

I’ve often wondered if they would be more harmful than helpful.

I began to wonder when I saw a woman, probably in her 60s, pushing an elaborate Silver Cross coach pram with a realistic little doll inside. It was absolutely heartbreaking. The doll was wearing all hand knitted clothes and was covered in blankets. I can’t forget it.

EliyanahM · 20/04/2022 21:57

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 20/04/2022 15:53

Given your lack of empathy and understanding I don't think you should be supporting any bereaved parents tbh.

Show quote history

Hear, hear!
I am quite shocked at her posts.

Oysterbabe · 20/04/2022 22:08

I have this crochet version on my list to make. It does look a bit like it might kill me in my sleep but I still might make it for fun 😀

To not understand ‘reborn’ dolls?
Shimy · 20/04/2022 22:19

Where did the poster say the person they were arguing with was a bereaved woman?

MissMaple82 · 21/04/2022 01:21

Different strokes for different folks!

SquirrelG · 21/04/2022 05:38

They've been around for years. People take an ordinary doll and make a whole lot of changes to it to make it more realistic. I hadn't heard of them being used for either dementia patients or bereaved women until now, they used to be more a collectors item.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 21/04/2022 06:16

A few of my DDs friends had them between the ages of about 8 and 11. I don't personally know any adults with them.

Kanaloa · 21/04/2022 06:26

mubarak86 · 20/04/2022 14:49

There was a channel 4 documentary once about them a range of people had them. One was a grandmother whose dgs moved to Australia (he had lived with her from newborn) so she got a doll made to look like him. Another was an infertile woman who just wanted a baby. She ordered them from someone in America and went to Harrods to buy her a 'coming home outfit'. She went to collect her but the baby's head had a slight crack in it and she was very upset, saying she wasn't perfect so didn't want her any more.
A girl in my dc's class had quite an unusual mix of ethnicities and her mum got one custom made for her that looked like her as she never found a doll that looked similar to her.

I remember this!!!! If it’s the one I’m thinking of there was one lady who was getting a doll made to resemble her baby grandson. If I remember correctly they sort of implied the grandson had died then in the end it turned out he’d simply moved to another country with his mum. I have no issue with the dolls but it was a creepy situation in that case.

mubarak86 · 21/04/2022 10:06

Yes @Kanaloa that was it. Even her husband thought she was mad.

squiller · 21/04/2022 10:10

Some people use them to help with grief after losing a baby. My friend had a late miscarriage 3 years ago and she has a Teddy bear for this exact reason. She buys it clothes and they take it on trips out with them, take photos with the bear etc. It’s helped her navigate through the grief. It’s not my taste but I do understand it.

DurhamDurham · 21/04/2022 10:20

I used to think the reborn dolls were ridiculous but I watched a documentary and I now have more compassion for those who choose to buy them. One woman looked after her grandson from being baby until he was about 4 years old and then his mum came back for him and emigrated to New Zealand, she said she grieved for him and couldn't move on. The only thing which made her feel a bit better was a reborn doll which looked just like her grandson when he was a baby. She used to sit there for hours with him on her lap. I'm a grandparent so it really resonated with me. Although I don't think a reborn doll would make me feel any better.

bellac11 · 21/04/2022 10:22

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 20/04/2022 15:35

Psychology and psychiatry have a long history of being wrong about things. I’d sooner listen to what grieving women say they need than experts. In fact, that’s why stillborn babies are no longer whisked away briskly by experts who know best.

I think you'll find that it was psychological and psychiatric expertise that deemed it better for still borns to remain with their mums to support the mum's bereavement process.

But still lets denigrate 'experts'.

EliyanahM · 21/04/2022 11:31

bellac11 · 21/04/2022 10:22

I think you'll find that it was psychological and psychiatric expertise that deemed it better for still borns to remain with their mums to support the mum's bereavement process.

But still lets denigrate 'experts'.

Show quote history

It sounds like psychological and psychiatric expertise listened to women then. If they would listen to women about other things maybe they would be deeming other things.

wilbowaggins · 21/04/2022 11:43

I've seen some issues on social media about women (I think mostly in America) who buy tins of formula milk for their reborn dolls, make up the formula into bottles and 'feed' it to their dolls. Parents of babies who actually need formula have been posting videos begging the owners of reborn dolls to stop doing this during the pandemic, because supplies of formula have been so scarce.

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