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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have I been assaulted by a doctor/ gynaecologist? was a gynaecological 'examination' for labiaplasty prolapse felt violated. very confused

71 replies

anglewingsn10ps · 19/04/2022 15:12

Sorry for the long read and intimate details!! I've always been a person that worries about aspects of my body. Decided to snoop at myself down there, after 2 kids, I didn't have a frame of reference and saw, what was in my head, a mess. I didn't know what some 'excess' skin was and thought perhaps I need more surgery than just labiaplasty. Was too embarrassed to see GP and thought I'd feel more comfortable with a gynae. So, I went to a private hospital/consultation for labiaplasty and possible? prolapse. Was expecting to be internally examined but came out feeling violated, confused and more worried about my body than I had going in! Was on my back in semi reclined setting, had barely opened legs and fingers went straight in (no manners, no 'proper' visual examination beforehand). Assumed he was feeling for prolapse etc but felt odd. No explanation during exam, so I asked 'what should I do?' (thinking cough/ strain) I was told 'nothing, you're fine as you are'. Was then asked to lie on left hand side with leg in air. He was stood behind me (my back to him)- he put fingers inside again and told me he was 'checking on this side as that's where episiotomies are normally done'. Felt like he was 'rooting around' up there. I told him I've not had an episiotomy! He explained I have a torn muscle and that's why sex is painful and the penis is going into the side of my leg (demonstrated/assertively poked the side of vagina- good job sex isn't painful! which I had never stated!). He then asked me to squeeze/ tighten my pelvic floor muscles several times around his fingers (still lying on my side) which I was told are very good. Was quoted £7000 for surgery- grade 2+ prolapse and rebuild perineum. From a 'gynaecological' point of view I'm not sure if I've said something to mislead him- therefore appropriate examination/ dialogue if he genuinely thought I had the problems he was suggesting OR if it was a 'sales pitch' gone wrong OR if he picked up on the fact, I disliked him from the start (arrogant) and he was getting one over on me. (I didn't notice if he was wearing gloves or not. Chaperone in the room but behind the curtain). I've since seen my GP and NHS gynae who, after very diff!! gentle 'methodical' examinations both agreed I have no prolapse and surgery is not indicated. I have formally complained but the private hospital did not uphold my complaint (and because of this the GMC aren't interested) supposedly I have misinterpreted the examination, and drs can have diff opinions etc. The only points that the doctor 'learned' from my complaint was to offer a modesty cover and ask patients if they would like the chaperone to be present/inside the curtain for the examinations?! He's been practicing just shy of 40 years! I'm not sure what upsets me more the suggested surgery or the 'examinations'. I've decided I've delivered 2 healthy babies and I have an outie labia and I'm happy with that! Keeping my legs firmly shut from now on and esp away from any knifes! I can't believe the show I'm in. Has anyone worked in gynae that can advise or anyone experienced similar? A solicitor advised I go to the police but I'm not sure about this, the ambiguity and complexity has tormented me for months, does it sound like I've been assaulted? thank you xxxx

OP posts:

Original poster

anglewingsn10ps · 19/04/2022 15:18

*knives

OP posts:

Happenchance · 19/04/2022 15:19

I find it strange that the chaperone was outside the curtain. I've seen a few NHS gynecologists recently and I wasn't asked if I wanted the chaperone to watch. It was just assumed. In my most recent procedure, the chaperone was the one who explained most of what was going on.

tkwal · 19/04/2022 15:50

In my experience the chaperone has always been inside the curtain, not much point in them being there otherwise. The examination sounds at the very least, overly invasive. I would try to forget about it and just ensure you have someone with you in future

JustOneMoreStep · 19/04/2022 16:01

When I had private treatment the chaperone was behind the curtain unless I specifically asked for her to be with me (one literally came in to hold my hand, but Id seen the same team a number of times prior to treatment so felt comfortable with them.)

When I've had NHS treatment the chaperone has always been inside the curtain which I've always been left feeling awkward about. They are literally just watching staring....its bad enough having an intimate medical procedure without having a random stranger watch.

Personally I prefer the private model but we are all different and it should be up to the patient really. I never felt violated with private treatment and was offered a modesty sheet in both settings.

catfunk · 19/04/2022 16:04

I mean he might not have had a great bedside manner but at the end of the day you paid him to examine your labia and inside your vagina. It would be very difficult to prove that him putting his fingers inside you was assault - as that's how they examine you.
I've dealt with a few private surgeons and always find them very abrupt and rather unpleasant tbh.

Marvellousmadness · 19/04/2022 16:07

"I mean he might not have had a great bedside manner but at the end of the day you paid him to examine your labia and inside your vagina. It would be very difficult to prove that him putting his fingers inside you was assault - as that's how they examine you.
I've dealt with a few private surgeons and always find them very abrupt and rather unpleasant tbh."
^^ this

Thedogscollar · 19/04/2022 16:12

The chaperone is just that a chaperone so should be with you in the area you are being examined in. No point being outside the curtain.

He sounded dismissive and assumed a lot of wrong things, the painful sex and episiotomy neither of which you have had.

I can't understand why if you had been given an episiotomy you would be examined on your left side because episiotomies are performed on maternal right not left. I'm a midwife I've seen plenty.

He did not seem to offer you a chance to verbalize your worries and went straight to the physical examination with very little conversation or reassurance to aid your relaxation whilst in an extremely vulnerable position.

He just sounds extremely unprofessional. I'm sorry you were put in this position and now feel like you do.

Soontobe60 · 19/04/2022 16:17

My episiotomy scar is on my right side!

OP, I had a similar examination after my first delivery due to painful sex. From a female Gynaecologist.

Geezabreak82 · 19/04/2022 16:21

Prolapses are notoriously difficult to diagnose when you are lying down. Best practice is for the examination to happen when you are standing up as many prolapsed organs just fall back into place when you lie down. If he was able to diagnose a grade 2 prolapse when you were lying down I'd assume you'd have stuff hanging out of you when you stood up and it would be very uncomfortable. If you are going to try to take this further I'd advise seeking advice from a relevant health professional on whether this was normal practice. A private physio with expertise in pelvic health would be a good place to start (and they'd also be able to tell you if you have a prolapse and advise on non-surgical ways to improve that condition if you do).

supersop60 · 19/04/2022 16:21

I can't say if you were assaulted, but it sounds as if the doctor was insensitive and uncaring. Some are. When I was pregnant with DD, one doctor was very rough (just feeling my abdomen for baby position) and told me I should expect some discomfort. None of the midwives ever hurt me. Similarly with a blood test - a doctor left me with massive bruises, but the nurses never did.
I also wonder if your doctor was making stuff up so he could do the work and get paid ??????

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/04/2022 16:24

I’ve seen a couple of male gynaecologists privately and had a lot of surgery. Neither male made me feel like this. You were paying him to root around, which is what he did. It sounds as if this guy has a poor bedside manner rather than taking advantage of you sexually. Surgeons can forget you’re a human being.

itsgettingweird · 19/04/2022 16:29

@catfunk

I mean he might not have had a great bedside manner but at the end of the day you paid him to examine your labia and inside your vagina. It would be very difficult to prove that him putting his fingers inside you was assault - as that's how they examine you. I've dealt with a few private surgeons and always find them very abrupt and rather unpleasant tbh.

This.

Very sorry you felt uncomfortable but it's not assault to examine you internally when you've booked for examination and laid on the table to be examined.

As much as your complaint wasn't upheld though you would the consultant would be wary in future about they approach woman and examine them.

Pawtriarchal · 19/04/2022 16:36

I’m sorry that happened to you, I think other women may certainly have felt ciliates by that, I would have felt so by the description. The reference he made to sex (when you had not) while internally examining you, along with the associated movement and the position, sounds particularly invasive and upsetting. He could have waited until you were dressed and sitting up to say there may be a reason for discomfort during sex, if that’s an issue you’re experiencing. I very much doubt you’re the only patient who has felt this way with that you’ve described of his treatment.

Also, a chaperone cannot tell what he’s physically doing during an internal examination - so he’s probably pretty good at doing as he sees fit, particularly if they’re behind a curtain too.

Pawtriarchal · 19/04/2022 16:37

*violated by that

ikeepseeingit · 19/04/2022 16:38

It's a good thing you complained either way OP. No doctor should have such an appalling bedside manner for gynecological procedures like this. I'm glad it got back to him. Hopefully, he can change his ways.

Pawtriarchal · 19/04/2022 16:38

Very sorry you felt uncomfortable but it's not assault to examine you internally when you've booked for examination and laid on the table to be examined.

Consenting to examination doesn’t then give them carte blanche to do as they please from that point.

GooglyEyeballs · 19/04/2022 16:39

I'm sorry it was so uncomfortable, but I agree with pps that this wasn't assault, he was just doing his job but with very poor bedside manner. Did you ask him to stop at any point? It's not pleasant having those kinds of examinations done but try not to let your discomfort convince you that is was anything other than a horrible medical exam.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 19/04/2022 16:41

@catfunk

I mean he might not have had a great bedside manner but at the end of the day you paid him to examine your labia and inside your vagina. It would be very difficult to prove that him putting his fingers inside you was assault - as that's how they examine you. I've dealt with a few private surgeons and always find them very abrupt and rather unpleasant tbh.

This. Did you ask him to stop OP or ask for the chaperone to be in the room?

womaniswomaniswoman · 19/04/2022 16:41

The only thing I can tell you is that my NHS exam by a physio was very similar.

I was quite surprised by how intimate it was, and how long she stood there with her hand inside me!

JamieNorthlife · 19/04/2022 16:42

OP, maybe his lack of manners, explaining the examination before starting that may have made you upset. Sometimes doctors don't treat us a people but as a condition or a body part.

It seems that it was traumatic and Im really sorry you feel that way.

1forward2back · 19/04/2022 16:45

I’ve had a similar experience abs went to pALs aboit it but that was nhs. I think you should talk to someone at the hospital.

viques · 19/04/2022 16:46

Remember too that with intimate examinations the chaperone is not there primarily to safeguard you but to protect the doctor from false allegation. If push came to shove I expect more than a few would remember who signs their pay cheque. “I didn’t see….” “ I didn’t hear….” “ I don’t recall…..”

Tilltheend99 · 19/04/2022 16:50

@tkwal

This is a bit victim blamey! How can you just forget about such a bizarre and horrible experience.

Good on you for complaining op. I hope no one else has to be treated so unpleasantly

picklemewalnuts · 19/04/2022 16:50

I've had a couple of examinations where I felt like a piece of meat. I was prodded- literally jabbed- and the tone of the muscle commented on. It was unpleasant.

In contrast a recent experience of an intra vaginal scan couldn't be more different. The two female medics couldn't have been more professional and reassuring. They constantly explained, checked, asked as they went. I felt I had thoroughly consented.

I'm sorry you were left so disquieted by your experience.

lameasahorse · 19/04/2022 16:51

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