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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad at going grey already

137 replies

AHungryCaterpillar · 18/04/2022 12:55

I’m so depressed about going grey at 33! I’ve found loads of grey hairs, I’m only early 30s surely this is too early? I already feel really old and past it anyway so this has just made me feel worse, I’m not ready to embrace them and don’t now want to spend the rest of my life dying my hair at 33. Doesn’t help that I’m allergic to hair dye so now what am I suppose to do. Aibu to think 33 is too early for this?! 😳

OP posts:
woodhill · 18/04/2022 17:02

I think lockdown helped a lot as we didn't see people for a while

stripeyflowers · 18/04/2022 17:03

Except it doesn’t. I embraced the grey at 43, it changed nothing, I still looked 43.

I was joking but that aside, not everyone looks older because of grey hair but some people do. I don't even think it's just that - just the very fact you have grey hair per se can give the impression you're older, just on account of the hair, especially to people who are on the younger side themselves.

Goldenbunny · 18/04/2022 17:06

@AHungryCaterpillar

Yes that’s what I meant, they dye it, people are making out it’s normal to leave grey hair from 30s and just “embrace it” but no one irl does that in their 30s!
I've been slowly going grey since I was 26ish I can't dye my hair so had no choice but to embrace it I'm 36 now and have 40% grey hair. Some people have no choice but to embrace it. I did consider a wig.
stripeyflowers · 18/04/2022 17:10

@woodhill

I think lockdown helped a lot as we didn't see people for a while
lol! Yes that was the perfect time to 'transition' to grey if that's what you wanted! When I first started I was constantly wearing hats!
woodhill · 18/04/2022 17:11

I mean I'm not mad about it but my hair is in reasonable condition and I don't have that angst about worrying about the grey roots constantly

ImAvingOops · 18/04/2022 17:14

I'd get highlights and gradually go blonder. The dye doesn't sit in your scalp so might be better for you

ThePoetsWife · 18/04/2022 17:25

Have you googled gombre yet? Lots of stunning young women embracing their grey hair. They're on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest.

MurmuratingStarling · 18/04/2022 17:56

@AHungryCaterpillar

Yes I find it interesting how many women on this thread apparently embrace their grey and never dye it but I’m yet to see any woman under about 50 with grey hair? Certainly no one I know friends/ family anyone I see around...

Remember this is the parallel world of mumsnet. Like you, I NEVER see women under 50 with grey hair, yet on here you could be lead to believe that half the women under 50 with their hair going grey, never dye it. Of COURSE they do, and that is why you never see women under 50 with grey hair. Wink

There's a reason for that. It IS ageing, (yes it really is!) and it looks worse on women under 50 than on men. Sad but true. A man can get away with a shock of salt and pepper hair at 35. A woman cannot.

I know it doesn't suit people on here to hear that, but that's how it is, and it is not 'bollocks.'

As the OP said, in real life women NEVER have grey hair in their 20s or 30s, and very few have in their 40s. It's both hilarious and ludicrous that it's being denied on here.

TheOriginalEmu · 18/04/2022 17:59

@grey12

(I don't wear makeup and was trying a Elsa braid to show my kids 😅)

Obviously don't look as fabulous as PP.... but I think I still look like I'm 36 🤷🏻‍♀️ or maybe I'm totally deluded? Let me know

You look much younger than 36!
MurmuratingStarling · 18/04/2022 17:59

@ThePoetsWife

Have you googled gombre yet? Lots of stunning young women embracing their grey hair. They're on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest.
I looked. Most of them have it dyed grey. (So painfully obvious!) And the ones who DO appear to be natural don't look great. They really don't Sad

And I re-iterate, very VERY few women under 50 IN REAL LIFE have grey hair!

MurmuratingStarling · 18/04/2022 18:00

Sorry @grey12 but I would have said you were older than 36. Mid 40s I would have said.

MurmuratingStarling · 18/04/2022 18:01

And @grey12 it IS the greying that is a bit ageing on you.

LouiseTrees · 18/04/2022 18:03

I’m your age and have been dying a white root for years! One of my aunts got a skunk stripe at 14! The reason you probably don’t notice anyone with greys probably is because they started dying it years ago.

Blossomtoes · 18/04/2022 18:04

And I re-iterate, very VERY few women under 50 IN REAL LIFE have grey hair!

It depends where you live. Far more in London than elsewhere, far fewer in a city like Liverpool where women tend to go for more obviously glamorous looks.

And, no @MurmuratingStarling, it isn’t automatically ageing. Two brave women have posted their pictures here as clear evidence it isn’t the case.

Blossomtoes · 18/04/2022 18:06

@MurmuratingStarling

And *@grey12* it IS the greying that is a bit ageing on you.
It isn’t. Don’t be so ridiculous. She’s absolutely beautiful. Look at that clear, unwrinkled skin and fabulous bone structure. She looks amazing.
CP191989 · 18/04/2022 18:31

Have you spoken to a hairdresser? My friend has special dye ordered in because she’s allergic to box dyes and the stuff they use in the hairdressers normally.
I’m 32 and have greys it doesn’t bother me but if your not happy speak to them and see what they can do

Idyllically · 18/04/2022 19:53

@grey12

(I don't wear makeup and was trying a Elsa braid to show my kids 😅)

Obviously don't look as fabulous as PP.... but I think I still look like I'm 36 🤷🏻‍♀️ or maybe I'm totally deluded? Let me know

You look fantastic! And agree you look younger than 36.
Idyllically · 18/04/2022 19:57

It depends where you live. Far more in London than elsewhere, far fewer in a city like Liverpool where women tend to go for more obviously glamorous looks.

100% agree with this! I know plenty of women in their late-30s/ 40s who have embraced their grey. But I live in east London. Where I grew up - somewhere fairly similar to Liverpool where people like to glam up - I never see anyone with grey hair, it’s all dyed away.

The OP really doesn’t like her greys though, so she should seek out a specialist dye she can use to hide it like other women who aren’t keen on their greys do. Nothing wrong with that - it’s hard to shake off what we’ve been socially conditioned to think!!!

User48751490 · 18/04/2022 20:02

@MurmuratingStarling

Sorry *@grey12* but I would have said you were older than 36. Mid 40s I would have said.
That is BS. She looks like she's early 30s. Please get yourself booked in for an eye test.
MrsDooDaa · 18/04/2022 20:44

@grey12 you look amazing - the grey streaks are a very modern look.

I too am embracing my sparkly grey and love it.

I suspect the grey trend will continue and the naysayers will be following suit in a few years.
IMO the dyed brown look is dated.

User48751490 · 18/04/2022 20:46

Dyed hair is so last century.

woodhill · 18/04/2022 20:49

More celebrities seem to be appearing grey now which helps to normalise it

PanicPrevention · 18/04/2022 21:15

"As the OP said, in real life women NEVER have grey hair in their 20s or 30s, and very few have in their 40s. It's both hilarious and ludicrous that it's being denied on here."
Don't be ridiculous.
I'm 35 and have grey hair so your assertion that women NEVER have grey hair in their 30s is plainly false.
I started going grey at 15, dyed it mostly for fun and to make it shiny rather than to cover the grey but eventually my roots were showing after 2weeks and it looks better grey all over than with roots.
I get more compliments about my hair after growing it out then I ever did before even when I paid silly money for highlights.
I will never dye my hair again, men dont bother with the time money mess and smell so neither will I.

Bunnyfuller · 18/04/2022 21:25

My first grey was at 25. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking ‘wow, that’s white blonde!’. Yeah, scratch the blonde, just fucking white.

I’m 55 this year, obviously much more white but I’m rebelling and have foxy badgery blonde red caramel streaks. I think condition is more important than colour - greys can go shitty texture so give your hair tlc, any colour is good when it’s glossy.

I’d like to say I was more accepting of the menopause…🙈

PrincessSpanky · 18/04/2022 21:27

On my wedding day my hairdresser pulled out 9 grey hairs. I was 23.

I have a lot now in my late 30's, they have multiplied like crazy in the last years.