AIBU to be infuriated by a giant teddy

[hiyerr]

Currently 5 months with number 4, spending a large amount of my free time (of which there isn't much due to the 2 week easter hols!) ruthlessly decluttering and cleaning, a whole house deep clean is overdue plus I've always been an early and extreme nester!

Husband begrudgingly took the older 2 out to an event today as I didn't fancy watching 3 under 8 amongst huge crowds on a hot day and being the desi driver while he got pissed and chatted to his mates. I could see myself standing in the queue for the 12th trip to ladies bathroom with kids extra hyper full of Easter morning's chocolate fuel. Between recently potty trained toddler and my lazy ass never doing pelvic floor exercises, outings are just a tour or public toilets these days... I digress. Despite worrying about his competence to chat and mind children simultaneously, I waved them off.

Four hours later I was sent a photo of my kids cuddling a 5ft nasty looking stuffed teddy bear. To which I replied 'that fcker better not be coming home, I'll set it on fire'.

Bearing in mind (no pun intended) he knows I just did a huge toy cull and we are already room-sharing for the foreseeable to fit the actual living breathing human beings into our house... what the frig was he thinking?

I realise its JUST a giant teddy but I instantly wanted to cry when it came through the front door in DD1s hands while DS1 proudly showed off his tube of slime (also giant, also not allowed in house following ruined sofa/carpet/clothing incidents, live and learn). I didn't cry, I wanted to, but my nature won't let me so I silently rage cleaned bathrooms and toilets... really punished myself 😅 until 1am.

Do I talk to children about the value of space and plead to donate teddy before any attachment can be made, or let the motherfudger hang around for 4 months first. I want to offload to the first charity shop that opens in the morning, but also feel like a w-anchor for being cruel when the kids were thrilled with the demonic thing.

Also irritated that DH spent so much money on winning it when I'm wearing tights with holes in the big toes to save money... grr.

I think I'm just wound up and need to vent but really, 5ft of totally pointless fire hazard, which I will have to drag back up the stairs every day in attempt to hide the thing?

Feeling overwhelmed with housework and to-dos and being told 'dont do so much' but getting no offer whatsoever of help in order for me to do less... and DH keeps suggesting we have people over, i want to hibernate...argh! Maybe the teddy is symbolic of a bigger problem 😂 therapise me.

If you stuck with me through all that, well done. I'll read it back in the morning and want to turn back time and delete, I'm sure. Dont think 6.30pm coffee helped, accidentally picked the caffeine.

I would be full of rage. I hate giant toys

@Hopefulsunrise

you sound so unnecessarily hectic and full on 'punishing yourself until 1am?' 'ruthlessly cleaning and decluttering' 'rage cleaning'

he took the kids out and bought them a stupidly sized teddy bear. im sure they loved it, he loved seeing their faces in that moment and sent you a photo.

just have it live in the bedroom on his side of the room. he'll get rid of it himself in about a week max.

this.....also pregnant with 4th child and you can't afford tights? You say that you are an early and extreme nester.....so how much of the nesting/rage cleaning/self punishment is hormonal?

Feeling overwhelmed with housework and to-dos and being told 'dont do so much' but getting no offer whatsoever of help in order for me to do less.

It was your choice to do so much housework. And someone taking children out of the way for several hours sounds pretty helpful to me.

I’m pushing 60. My big teddies from childhood are in my loft. I always feel guilty when I see them sat in the dark, can’t bear to throw them away.

I get it OP. This is about more than just a teddy bear. It sounds like you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and the teddy is basically just symbolic of how little he understands how much time and effort you've been putting into getting the house sorted. If he knew, he wouldn't have brought the damn thing home.

It sounds like the crux of the issue is that he thinks you should be "doing less" so isn't offering you any help, either practically or emotionally. Which leaves you feeling stressed and trying to get everything done single handedly.

How much of what you are doing actually needs doing? Is he just being lazy and leaving it all to you? Or are you stressing yourself out trying to reach some kind of high standard? Only you really know the answer.

Burn it face first. Cunting things they are. Dh took ds shopping with Christmas money this year and came home with a fucking bean bag. I banned beanbags 4 years ago and am still finding polystyrene balls from that incident, plus they take up so much fucking space and the kids never sit on them.

A good solution tho, kick husband onto sofa cos you are too pg and hot for another human in bed, then use Cunting Bear to rest your bump/legs on.

The issue of him not helping with housework is one thing, and very annoying, though it does sound like you’re taking cleaning to extreme and not entirely necessary levels! But being simultaneously being eye-rolly when he makes decisions about what to buy the kids on a day out is too much. Maybe you wouldn’t have done it, but he’s their Dad and he’s allowed to make decisions about things like this without thinking you’re going to tell him off. You want the house spotless and decluttered, of course he should help with basic housework but sounds like he’s not bothered about having it to that level of clean/clutter free. He did a nice thing!

You sound very intense and a bit difficult tbh

A family member gave Dc a giant freaky clown when we lived in the tiniest of spaces. We gave it to a local cafe where it was installed at the piano ! We would go and drink hot choc so DC could say hello.

I don’t know if this is a joke thread or you’re being serious. If you’re being serious-was it a joint decision to have 4 kids in 8 years? No wonder there’s chaos and lots of work-goes with the territory. The thread sounds a bit martyrish-as if there’s perverse enjoyment in being the one who cleans everything and scolding husband for unsuitable toys.Maybe take up his offer to do less and tell him what you’d like him to do around the house.

Put it somewhere out of the way and quietly get rid of it in a few weeks.

Pile both up in the corner, slime ‘accidentally’ spills on teddy, both ruined and both in the bin, oh dear, such a shame, etc - job done.

Vicious whispering to husband about how next time he will end inside any teddies eating slime for dinner if he carries on being this thoughtless.

When our son was born Fil was so excited he purchased 'Sid'.
The biggest badass bear in the world. Sid is 40 this year.
Has moved home 4 times. Stayed with us when son moved
out into a small house so no room for Sid.
Our son moved into his new build house last year.
Sid with the blessing of Dil now sits at the top of the stairs
on the landing.
Silly but I missed seeing him in our spare room.

“Oh how lovely - this will be so so appreciated at local childrens hospice”

Then shove it in your boot and donate to charity

Don’t give it another thought

Give teddy a place in your bed and tell DH he has to find somewhere else

The teddy will soon be lost

You have husband issues and personal issues. It must be frustrating that he's not on the same page as you, that's something you need to work out together, but honestly the way you are talking about how you deal with your household 'ruthless decluttering' and 'rage cleaning' because you're an 'extreme nester' makes it sound like you also have some control or obessive issues.

Sometimes the husband who says just do less cleaning is slacking and the end result would be living in filth, but you sound OTT about cleaning in a way that makes me suspect that he has the right of it and you need to ease up. "have to drag back up the stairs every day in attempt to hide the thing?" is a damning remark, it would be understandable to limit the number of toys in common areas, but the idea that one toy can't even be in there for a day without you feeling a need to hide it just suggests you are trying to maintain an unhealthy and obssessive amount of control over the house which your kids and husband live in and deserve to be able to use freely (within reason).

Let the teddy stay. You've already decluttered your poor kids toys to make room for the new baby, surely there's a place for it somewhere, if only temporarily - a giant teddy is an exciting treat, maybe you don't like and and maybe it is hard to store, but snatching it away from them the moment they bring it home is just cruel.

Can't teddy need a wash (covid/germs) then "shrink" you can then replace it with a smaller look a like

Never mind the bear (let the kids be with it you sound joyless) why are you not doing your pelvic floors? You will regret that.

Ltb and let him have custody of the bear...

My husband won 2 giant teddies followed by another a few months later and then a gifted huge rabbit was given to us. Urghh took months to quietly get rid I don't know who was more sad my husband or the kids 😕

But...this could be you, OP!

I have a 6ft giraffe called Mrs Melman, not sure how I'd feel if she was chucked. I'm sorry your DH is a selfish wanker sometimes though Op.

Someone on our local FB selling page was trying to flog an 8ft Teddy acquired under similar circumstances.

That teddy would be stored on his side of the bed as a reminder of his stupidity.

Or do what someone else suggested. The man/lady from the event rang you to remind you that it's only for a week long loan then it needs to go to some other children who have no toys at all.

Then, when they're back in school, shove it in the loft (where our giant teddy ended up) and if they don't mention it in a month, charity shop it.

I told my kid that hers went to the teddy bear hospital (it did have some stitching coming out) and it stayed there for about a year. It's still in the lift as the kid still goes on about that bear. They do now know it's safe in the lift but too big to be in their bedroom.