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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be infuriated by a giant teddy

98 replies

hiyerr · 18/04/2022 01:21

Currently 5 months with number 4, spending a large amount of my free time (of which there isn't much due to the 2 week easter hols!) ruthlessly decluttering and cleaning, a whole house deep clean is overdue plus I've always been an early and extreme nester!

Husband begrudgingly took the older 2 out to an event today as I didn't fancy watching 3 under 8 amongst huge crowds on a hot day and being the desi driver while he got pissed and chatted to his mates. I could see myself standing in the queue for the 12th trip to ladies bathroom with kids extra hyper full of Easter morning's chocolate fuel. Between recently potty trained toddler and my lazy ass never doing pelvic floor exercises, outings are just a tour or public toilets these days... I digress. Despite worrying about his competence to chat and mind children simultaneously, I waved them off.

Four hours later I was sent a photo of my kids cuddling a 5ft nasty looking stuffed teddy bear. To which I replied 'that fcker better not be coming home, I'll set it on fire'.

Bearing in mind (no pun intended) he knows I just did a huge toy cull and we are already room-sharing for the foreseeable to fit the actual living breathing human beings into our house... what the frig was he thinking?

I realise its JUST a giant teddy but I instantly wanted to cry when it came through the front door in DD1s hands while DS1 proudly showed off his tube of slime (also giant, also not allowed in house following ruined sofa/carpet/clothing incidents, live and learn). I didn't cry, I wanted to, but my nature won't let me so I silently rage cleaned bathrooms and toilets... really punished myself 😅 until 1am.

Do I talk to children about the value of space and plead to donate teddy before any attachment can be made, or let the motherfudger hang around for 4 months first. I want to offload to the first charity shop that opens in the morning, but also feel like a w-anchor for being cruel when the kids were thrilled with the demonic thing.

Also irritated that DH spent so much money on winning it when I'm wearing tights with holes in the big toes to save money... grr.

I think I'm just wound up and need to vent but really, 5ft of totally pointless fire hazard, which I will have to drag back up the stairs every day in attempt to hide the thing?

Feeling overwhelmed with housework and to-dos and being told 'dont do so much' but getting no offer whatsoever of help in order for me to do less... and DH keeps suggesting we have people over, i want to hibernate...argh! Maybe the teddy is symbolic of a bigger problem 😂 therapise me.

If you stuck with me through all that, well done. I'll read it back in the morning and want to turn back time and delete, I'm sure. Dont think 6.30pm coffee helped, accidentally picked the caffeine.

OP posts:
ImustLearn2Cook · 18/04/2022 05:36

Could you find one that looks identical but is much smaller? Then switch it in the middle of the night. “Oh, look. Giant teddy shrunk!

VeganGod · 18/04/2022 05:39

I think he sounds like a crap husband. He begrudges taking his kids out, when he does take them out with you, he leaves all their care to you whilst he gets drunk, you mention worrying about his competence to look after his children, he leaves the house work to you and then does stupid things that cause you more work and sounds financially irresponsible. You mention he doesn’t offer to ‘help’ you with the hose work... you can’t really ‘help’ when it’s your own house. And on top of all that you don’t seem to tell him all this, you stay quiet and do more cleaning.

Yes, I think the teddy is symbolic of bigger issues. And you’re having another child with this man so your workload will only increase as he’s not suddenly going to become a responsible man that pulls his weight. Why do you keep quiet? Why do you put up with this shit, struggle on, not say anything yet have more kids with him?

Life sounds shit for you, and it’s also not a healthy way of living for the kids to see, Mum doing everything and not expecting more from a dad they will soon realise is a lazy, irresponsible, drunk fuckwit. Imagine if any sons you have, use him as a role model, and any daughters you have, end up accepting your life for themselves as they think it’s normal. 😔

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 18/04/2022 05:47

If you got rid of dh would there be room to keep the teddy?

JennyJumpup · 18/04/2022 05:47

Keep it on their bed during the day and on the floor beside the bed at night. When they get sick of it, they can discard it.

JennyJumpup · 18/04/2022 05:48

Oh, and tell them it lhas to quarantine in their room and will be arrested if it leaves, due to coronavirus.

fffffeeeedddduupp · 18/04/2022 05:54

My favourite toy growing up was a giant panda. He sat at the bottom of the bed. He was stuffed with bits of clear plastic weirdly but he was fab.

Annoying but at least they had fun.

StScholastica · 18/04/2022 05:58

If its off a fairground, God knows where its been or what it's carrying. Carpet bugs? Bed bugs? Has it been sprayed with pesticide?
LTB leave the bear.
Your DH is a waste of space.

AmericanStickInsect · 18/04/2022 06:03

Left field idea, could you have a chat with kids about how he's such a great teddy and so good at giving hugs that you think he should go and hug children that really need some comfort at the moment? Refugees/local struggling families etc (before they get too attached). They could write a note to his new owner with details about the teddy and how they hope they enjoy the hugs, then ship the thing off for donation?

DockOTheBay · 18/04/2022 06:21

How convenient for your husband, I bet you won't be sending him on days out with the kids without you in a hurry. That's what he wanted.

GrumpyPanda · 18/04/2022 06:30

My sister had one. Not cheap and nasty but genuinely nice and quite expensive though - saved up for it and/or bday present IIRC. Went in her own room so no probs there except the one time she smuggled him onboard for a holiday car trip and it wasn't discovered until half hour in!

Terven · 18/04/2022 06:47

If the kids are happy what does it matter? Great memory of a day out with dad.

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 18/04/2022 06:49

@dockothebay

Are you serious? This is just a father doing normal things, treating his kids on a day out.
I honestly can't believe some of these replies including the one saying he is a waste of space...

Philisophigal · 18/04/2022 07:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Figmentofmyimagination · 18/04/2022 07:20

Wait until one of your children has a vomit bug and then position it strategically.

JennyForeigner · 18/04/2022 07:21

Shudders of horror at the memory of the giant hand-knitted soldier-clown sent home for our eldest.

It had a pocket somewhere unmentionable and which had a £20 note in, and which wasn't mentioned so wasn't found for a year until the first reasonable opportunity to inflict clownie on a charity shop?

Grateful for the money, but... who goes to the trouble of knitting a giant polyester clown envelope because they are too coy to bung over a tenner for some books?

Lzzyisgod · 18/04/2022 07:28

Oh lord I feel your pain.

Dc won a HUGE giant Teddy at Christmas. And when I say huge it must be 6ft (its bigger than me) and took 5 early teens to carry it home and get it up the stairs.

It's now in dc bedroom who use it as a gaming chair 🤦‍♀️

parietal · 18/04/2022 07:32

I think the issue is the husband not the bear.

You are decluttering and tidying and trying to manage the house. Your DH is not pulling his weight and is making things worse. You need to talk to him and agree about what needs to be done and what you will each contribute. So that you are both working together as a team.

And if the bear has to go, it is his job to implement it.

GoFishandChips · 18/04/2022 07:36

I don't think you can expect him to take three little children out to a fair and not spend a ton of money to keep them entertained. I'd be more concerned that his normal thing is to leave you to it and go and get drunk with his mates.

EdwinaSharma · 18/04/2022 07:40

Can it be kept on your husband's side of the bed?

Baystard · 18/04/2022 07:43

Keep the bear, rehome the DH.

mycatisannoying · 18/04/2022 07:44

Ummm, if it's any comfort OP, you are bloody hilarious Grin

Qwill · 18/04/2022 07:48

I think it sounds lovely for the children. Day out with dad (I have great memories of when it was just me and my father for the day), and winning a huge bear and some slime!! Maybe the children want a few toys now you’ve decluttered them all!! I think maybe you could compromise a bit, not everyone may want to live in such a sterile environment.

Joystir59 · 18/04/2022 07:49

I can't say anything helpful. I want to ask a now pointless question about why another?

Hopefulsunrise · 18/04/2022 07:53

you sound so unnecessarily hectic and full on 'punishing yourself until 1am?' 'ruthlessly cleaning and decluttering' 'rage cleaning'

he took the kids out and bought them a stupidly sized teddy bear. im sure they loved it, he loved seeing their faces in that moment and sent you a photo.

just have it live in the bedroom on his side of the room. he'll get rid of it himself in about a week max.

Giraffesandbottoms · 18/04/2022 07:56

I don’t get this post at all, or the replies. You don’t angry and ranty, I don’t think it’s funny or whatever you were going for. It’s a large stuffed toy, so? And if your DH is so useless why have a 4th child? If your pelvic floor is so bad you need to use the loo that much you should see a doctor…