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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed over school childcare arrangements?

61 replies

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 21:51

My ex has been very inconsistent with our child over the years. He's got a new gf so obviously all that's changed. He works shifts and wants our child one to two weekends a month Saturday to Tuesday night. This will mean drop off and pick ups at school will be sorted Monday and Tuesday. I work 4 days so have every Monday off. I can't really swap my days off and it's been this was for 4 years. I told him I would like to do a pick up and us both having the same day off is daft. He's started going on about consistency etc. If his plan goes ahead it means I can't really do any school runs !.

OP posts:

gogohm · 16/04/2022 21:55

Can you not request to change your day off? If he's going to be reliable that is

GeneLovesJezebel · 16/04/2022 21:55

But he’s not having her every weekend, so you can do that school run, or am I missing something ?

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 21:55

@gogohm

Can you not request to change your day off? If he's going to be reliable that is

I don't think work will let me.

OP posts:

Lou98 · 16/04/2022 21:56

I may be missing something but if he's only having them 1 or 2 weekends a month Sat-Tues then how does that mean you won't be doing any pickups? Surely you're still doing the other 2 or 3 Mondays?

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 21:56

@GeneLovesJezebel

But he’s not having her every weekend, so you can do that school run, or am I missing something ?

I can do Monday morning if she's not at his Sunday night but he'll want to do Monday night and Tuesday am and pm as he's off both days.

OP posts:

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:00

The Monday and Tuesday he will always have off. The weekends are movable due to his job. So it means on my day off Monday I'll never be able to do a pick up as he'll be doing it

OP posts:

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 16/04/2022 22:04

@TypicallyTopically

The Monday and Tuesday he will always have off. The weekends are movable due to his job. So it means on my day off Monday I'll never be able to do a pick up as he'll be doing it

You still get Wednesday Thursday and today though.

Howmanydaysuntilfriday · 16/04/2022 22:07

*friday

and it's not every week even

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:07

But I work them 4 days so I can't pick him.up from school at 3.30 as I finish roo late

OP posts:

Lou98 · 16/04/2022 22:07

@TypicallyTopically

The Monday and Tuesday he will always have off. The weekends are movable due to his job. So it means on my day off Monday I'll never be able to do a pick up as he'll be doing it

So he has them every Monday and Tuesday but then only Saturday and Sunday 1 or 2 times a month, is that right?

If so, you still get to drop them off on the Monday's that they haven't stayed over on the Sunday and then you still have Wed, Thurs,Fri and 2 or 3 Saturdays and Sundays a month. Sorry, but unless I'm missing something I do think the arrangement is fair

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/04/2022 22:08

Why do you want to do school runs?

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 16/04/2022 22:10

You've said one to two weekends a month sat-tue so that means the other 2-3 weekends a month sat-tue is you? So how is this you not doing it?

If that's not right please explain more clearly, is confusing

VyeBrator · 16/04/2022 22:12

@Matchingcollarandcuffs

You've said one to two weekends a month sat-tue so that means the other 2-3 weekends a month sat-tue is you? So how is this you not doing it?

If that's not right please explain more clearly, is confusing

That's how I read it too

PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:13

Pardon me if I’m being thick, but is the problem you want to do school runs but not at the same day as him?

Why would you want to do school runs if he can? I think you probably just have to let this one go, it’s 2-4 days a month, I can’t see the harm?

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:14

I will explain again. He will have every Monday and Tuesday off forever so on them days he can always do the school run. His weekends are move able with regards to shifts. If he works a weekend he will still have the Monday and Tuesday off. If he doesn't work he will still have the Monday and Tuesday off. I don't work a Monday. Is that clear ?

OP posts:

TheCanyon · 16/04/2022 22:14

So to you, you want him to do sun-tues but you're in a huff that you can do mon?

melj1213 · 16/04/2022 22:15

Why are you so desperate to do the school runs?

When DD was still little enough to need taking to school as opposed to walking alone, I worked in the same school so it was no extra effort but I still hated the stress of the school run.

AHungryCaterpillar · 16/04/2022 22:15

God I would be so happy to never do the school run ever again 😅

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:15

@PlasticineMeg

Pardon me if I’m being thick, but is the problem you want to do school runs but not at the same day as him?

Why would you want to do school runs if he can? I think you probably just have to let this one go, it’s 2-4 days a month, I can’t see the harm?

I would like to pick up on Monday as is the only day I could do it as I'm off

OP posts:

funinthesun19 · 16/04/2022 22:15

I can do Monday morning if she's not at his Sunday night but he'll want to do Monday night and Tuesday am and pm as he's off both days.

Well tell him it’s tough! If it’s your time to have her then he needs to respect that and leave you to pick her up/drop her off when it’s your time with her. He can’t do every Monday just because he wants to. You want to as well.

PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:15

So does he want to do every Monday and Tuesday school run, or just the ones where he has DD Sat-Tues?

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:16

@TheCanyon

So to you, you want him to do sun-tues but you're in a huff that you can do mon?

I would like to do the Monday as that makes sense to me. I'm not in a huff but after doing 80 percent of everything for 3 years it would be nice for me to.do a school run

OP posts:

PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:17

@TypicallyTopically are you wanting to do school runs even when she’s staying at his?

Original poster

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:17

@PlasticineMeg

So does he want to do every Monday and Tuesday school run, or just the ones where he has DD Sat-Tues?

He wants to do every one yes. I have said when he doesn't have her I will do Monday am as that makes sense as she's here

OP posts:

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 16/04/2022 22:17

What does the custody agreement say? He doesn't automatically get custody just cos had the day off work.

You will both need to compromise on this, what's his current contact?

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