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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed over school childcare arrangements?

61 replies

TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 21:51

My ex has been very inconsistent with our child over the years. He's got a new gf so obviously all that's changed. He works shifts and wants our child one to two weekends a month Saturday to Tuesday night. This will mean drop off and pick ups at school will be sorted Monday and Tuesday. I work 4 days so have every Monday off. I can't really swap my days off and it's been this was for 4 years. I told him I would like to do a pick up and us both having the same day off is daft. He's started going on about consistency etc. If his plan goes ahead it means I can't really do any school runs !.

OP posts:
Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:17

[quote PlasticineMeg]@TypicallyTopically are you wanting to do school runs even when she’s staying at his?[/quote]
No

OP posts:
Everydayimhuffling · 16/04/2022 22:17

Is there any possibility of him changing his days off? If not and you also can't change, I think you'll probably have to suck it up really. It seems worth him seeing them for their sake if he is now going to do so consistently.

PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:19

Ah I see!!! Well that changes things, I thought he only wanted to do them if she was staying at his.

In that case - YANBU. Why the fuck does he want to do a school run just to drop her at your house?! Is he trying to spy on you? Or does he just want to play Disney Dad in the playground.

Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:19

@Everydayimhuffling

Is there any possibility of him changing his days off? If not and you also can't change, I think you'll probably have to suck it up really. It seems worth him seeing them for their sake if he is now going to do so consistently.
He can't possibly change anything as everything is about him.
OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 16/04/2022 22:19

I would say that it is fair you share the Monday school pick up for now. You can pick her up and take her to dad's every other week.

However - you could also put in a request at work to change your day off to say Friday and then change arrangement with dad of that ever comes up.

I get why you want to pick her up sometimes.

Everydayimhuffling · 16/04/2022 22:21

Well in that case I think it's fine to say no. Why should you compromise if he won't and it isn't his day?

PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:21

To clarify:

OP’s ex has their DD 1-2 times a month, from Sat-Tues. on the Monday of these days he does pick-up. But he wants to ALWAYS be doing pick-up even when she isn’t staying at his weirdo

AndAllOurYesterdays · 16/04/2022 22:22

How does your daughter get home from school the other days?

barkingdogturfwar · 16/04/2022 22:23

Surprised at the comments so far. OP has arranged her whole work pattern around doing all the weekday child care and now XH has shoved in and made a unilateral decision about what days best suit him to work/look after his child. I would tell him he could face Thursdays and Fridays instead as you have an arrangement already for Mondays.

PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:24

@barkingdogturfwar I think the replies were in the wrong assumption that OP wanted to do school runs even on his days, she’s since clarified

viques · 16/04/2022 22:24

Look on the bright side, you can have a lie in every Monday on your day off!

Are you saying that on his non weekend days he will pick your child up from your home and take him to school? Wouldn’t it make more sense if you took him to school on Mondays and he did the pick up and took him home. He might have the day off but your child still has to go to school so it is the evening that is important.

viques · 16/04/2022 22:27

Ignore, I am confused!

Lou98 · 16/04/2022 22:28

So does he have the Child Monday overnight every week and so you want to pick them up at school and drop off at his? Or does he not have them overnight if he isn't also doing the weekends but he still wants to pick them up just to bring them back to yours?

If your Child stays with him Mon-Tues every week then it makes sense that he does the pick up if they're going straight to his anyway but if he would just be picking them up to bring them to your house then it would make no sense so I'd just say no, he can pick up on his days

PikachuAndMe · 16/04/2022 22:28

I would say no to it, Monday is your day. You do not have to jump and fit everything in with his schedule now he has decided he wants to play daddy more. I like chatting to my son at school pick up and it makes no sense to let him pick up on the only day that you can do it.

titchy · 16/04/2022 22:29

Realistically is he going to actually keep this up?

BritWifeInUSA · 16/04/2022 22:31

I don't think work will let me.

So you haven’t even asked?

Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:32

@AndAllOurYesterdays

How does your daughter get home from school the other days?
She hasn't started school yet it'll be after school club and grandparents
OP posts:
Patty101 · 16/04/2022 22:33

I still have no idea what's going on here

Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:34

@titchy

Realistically is he going to actually keep this up?
He probably will. He'll do the easiest for him. 2 weekends a month won't happen
OP posts:
Sleepdeprived42long · 16/04/2022 22:34

Ask your employer if you can change days off. If answer is no, go back to XH and tell him this arrangement does not suit you and your daughter and he needs to work with arrangements which were already in place (or any custody arrangements previously agreed on).

ChoiceMummy · 16/04/2022 22:35

@TypicallyTopically

I will explain again. He will have every Monday and Tuesday off forever so on them days he can always do the school run. His weekends are move able with regards to shifts. If he works a weekend he will still have the Monday and Tuesday off. If he doesn't work he will still have the Monday and Tuesday off. I don't work a Monday. Is that clear ?
Surely this means he will do the school runs twice a month and you twice a month? If he's doing Tuesday weekly that will presumably save you after school costs? Just email you agree to every other week on the Mondays when they're part of his weekend contact. And agree to the Tuesdays weekly,but only until x time when child needs to be dropped off at your home.
Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:35

@BritWifeInUSA

I don't think work will let me.

So you haven’t even asked?

I have broached it and it was a no at the moment.
OP posts:
Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:37

The only other thing i can do it change my hours ie ask for 1 longer day and 1 shorter so I can pick up if they'd allow

OP posts:
PlasticineMeg · 16/04/2022 22:37

Why the hell should OP request to change her work pattern because he ex wants to (probably temporarily) do something that suits him but not the OP? Fuck that

Original poster
TypicallyTopically · 16/04/2022 22:38

My thoughts exactly.

OP posts:
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