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Original poster

Wedding shower

104 replies

HolbornBound · 15/04/2022 20:48

I am having a couple of wedding hen events with different groups of friends. My mother is also wanting to do a wedding shower for me in a more formal setting. Who should I invite to this - guess it's more family? Should I invite my SIL and MIL to be?

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/04/2022 23:05

Everyone I know who has had one has not had a hen party as well. It’s been one or the other

Same here, at least among American friends, and after all the bridal shower is an Americanism

Seems a bit odd to call these grabby when you consider what can happen with British hen events ... unless some idiot really is planning both, and that definitely would be grabby

SenecaFallsRedux · 15/04/2022 23:12

way to get people to help you to cover all the bits and pieces

I'm American and I'm pretty old. I have never heard about showers being to get things for the wedding.

Wedding showers often have a theme, however. Kitchen showers, recipe showers (with the gift being the utensil to cook the recipe in), bar showers (wine, liquor, and accoutrements, etc.)

Nowadays wedding showers are often for both sexes, especially if it's something like a bar shower.

Showers are not the same thing in the US as a hen party. Hen parties in the US are called bachelorette parties. Showers are usually somewhat formal and staid, bachelorette parties not so much.

Also traditionally wedding showers are hosted by the bride's friends, not family members. Remember in the movie Bridesmaids how they were fighting over who was going to give the shower?

There are often quite a few parties leading up to a wedding in the US. In addition to the shower (and there may be more than one) and the bachelorette, there is often an engagement party, and sometimes things like barbecues or dinner parties given by friends leading up to the wedding. Then there is the rehearsal dinner, usually the night before the wedding.

But we don't do the dual reception after the wedding as is common in the UK, with the A listers invited to the wedding breakfast and then the B listers invited for the evening do. There is one reception after the wedding that everyone who is invited to the wedding attends.

readsalotgirl63 · 15/04/2022 23:26

I grew up in Scotland and also recall "the show of presents". As others have said this was usually held in the bride's mother's home and hosted by bride's mother. Normally a couple of weeks before the wedding and would involve tea,sandwiches,cakes and maybe a wee sherry.
Those attending were aunts, friends of bride and brides mother, neighbours but predominantly female. Wedding gifts were brought to this rather than to the actual wedding.It was an opportunity for the older women in the family to have a gossip and pass on advice to the bride to be. Also a chance for people like neighbours who maybe weren't going to the wedding to see all the gifts and hear all about the preparations.

Couple of friends of mine had "shows" - this would be about 30 years ago now. I didn't have one as didn't get married from my mum's house.

Kite22 · 15/04/2022 23:27

Well, who is your Mum thinking it is for ?
Is it to give the ladies that aren't 'cool' enough to be invited on your hen night the chance to go out for an afternoon tea? (fine)

Or are you calling it a "shower" to imply people ought to shower you with gifts ? (not fine)

C25kBecky · 15/04/2022 23:31

Q: Who should I invite to q wedding shower?

A: No one.

Robin233 · 16/04/2022 04:21

Where has the op gone ?
Yet another post with 1 opening post ?
Are these the made up threads?
Or posters who didn't get the answer they wanted ?

Wilburisagirl · 16/04/2022 04:36

@FinnRussell

Genuinely curious about the difference between a wedding shower and a hen party? If there's no overlap of guests I can't see a problem but if I was invited to a hen and a wedding shower I'd definitely be Hmm
In Australia it's not uncommon to have a slightly more formal event such as high tea that MIL, MOB, SILs and grandparents etc get invited to and then the hen party which is more party like with perhaps dinner, drinking games, a burlesque lesson, that sort of thing with the friends and family of the bride but not the older generation.
PinkSyCo · 16/04/2022 04:58

A wedding shower? Don’t even know what one of them is, so fucked if I know. 🤷🏻‍♀️

noenergy · 16/04/2022 05:18

Is it a bridal shower?

MissMaple82 · 16/04/2022 06:32

F###ing wedding showers now !!! 🤮😴

meditrina · 16/04/2022 07:41

Bridal showers aren't recent.

I've got an old (pre 50s?) copy of Emily Post and it's all in there

sabs22 · 16/04/2022 12:17

Omg these comments, am howling Grin

BlancmanegeBunny · 16/04/2022 12:34

Please rethink and don't' do this !!! Hen do's are bad enough, especially if you are having multiple ones!

Nixbox · 16/04/2022 12:40

My friend had a "show of presents" which was small group of friends and family invited to her mum's house to look at the presents. It was at her gran's request and was old fashioned at the time (early 2000s). We didn't have to take presents with us (most people had bought from a gift registry so all the presents came directly from the store) and were supplied with lots of tea and cake.

thewhatsit · 16/04/2022 12:41

@Somatronic

I have a lot of Americans in my family and traditionally the wedding shower was a way to get people to help you to cover all the bits and pieces you'd need for the wedding. Similar to a baby shower being a way to get people to pay for everything you need for a new baby. I'm not sure if they are still a thing in America but my elderly American relatives kept asking me when my wedding shower would be and I had to ask them WTF that was!

It made sense in working class communities back in the day, but I don't know about nowadays.

Do people have to get you wedding presents too? Or is it just presents before rather than presents after?
Hoppinggreen · 16/04/2022 12:44

@Rainbowqueeen

I’ve been to them and they are usually an afternoon tea where the bride is given gifts to fit out her kitchen. So baking items, bowls etc. usually very inexpensive. But everyone I know who has had one has not had a hen party as well. It’s been one or the other. If your mum wants to host something for older relatives why not just have them round for afternoon tea and not expect anything in return??
I think they stopped doing that in the 50s
Bellyups · 16/04/2022 12:48

I hope to God none of my friends throw any of these ridiculous showers. Baby showers are bad enough…hen weekends are progressively expensive and piss taking. Enough already.

ChairCareOh · 16/04/2022 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

chisanunian · 16/04/2022 12:57

@meditrina

Bridal showers aren't recent.

I've got an old (pre 50s?) copy of Emily Post and it's all in there

Yes, they are more traditional in the USA. Certainly not in the UK though, and I'd never heard of Emily Post until you wrote this, and I had to look her up. American wedding etiquette appears to be vastly different from our version.
fourofwands · 16/04/2022 13:00

Are you going to have a rehearsal dinner too?

Awrite · 16/04/2022 13:09

I don't believe you think wedding showers are a thing that you are genuinely asking for advice on. Surely there's a reason you've never heard of a wedding shower. Surely?

Herejustforthisone · 16/04/2022 13:20

Wedding showers are common with my American family. They’re very much just for getting presents though, under the guise of another wedding celebration. The bachelorette parties are more about getting ugly drunk and the shower is the more elegant event. It seems to be accepted but I personally don’t like it.

OrangeGrovesAplenty · 16/04/2022 13:21

Do people have to get you wedding presents too? Or is it just presents before rather than presents after?

In the US (at least where I live) wedding shower presents are usually relatively inexpensive, so you also give a wedding present. But if for some reason, you give an expensive present for the shower, you don't give another present for the wedding.

Another pre-wedding party that often happens in the US that hasn't been mentioned is the bridesmaids' luncheon. This is a party often hosted by a family member (often aunts or cousins) for the bride, bridesmaids, and mothers of bride and groom. And for this one the bride gives the presents (to her bridesmaids).

GoFishandChips · 16/04/2022 13:24

Unless you are in the States where it is part of the culture you would be incredibly unreasonable to have Bridal Shower where you expect people to bring you gifts on top of a hen dos which you are also having. If you mean your mum wants to organise something a bit more suitable for older family members then have an Afternoon tea or something but don't call it a bridal shower or any kind of shower!

SleepingStandingUp · 16/04/2022 13:27

So a wedding shower where people buy you stuff for getting married before they come to your wedding with a gift having paid a fortune in travel, accommodation, clothes and at the bar. Oh my gosh, you should totally do this and put in on Instagram 😁👍🙄.

Tell her no.