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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding shower

104 replies

HolbornBound · 15/04/2022 20:48

I am having a couple of wedding hen events with different groups of friends. My mother is also wanting to do a wedding shower for me in a more formal setting. Who should I invite to this - guess it's more family? Should I invite my SIL and MIL to be?

OP posts:
starsinyourpies · 15/04/2022 21:51

@girlmom21 that is what we call a hen party in the UK which is why it seems odd to have a wedding shower as well.

ImInStealthMode · 15/04/2022 21:55

What's a wedding shower?!? Confused

girlmom21 · 15/04/2022 21:57

[quote starsinyourpies]@girlmom21 that is what we call a hen party in the UK which is why it seems odd to have a wedding shower as well. [/quote]
You don't have a hen party on the morning of your wedding. That would be wild 😂

Cheeseandlobster · 15/04/2022 22:00

@rainbowlou

I wish people would seriously consider the amount their wedding shit costs everyone else!!
This. Will you also be asking for wedding presents? Seriously grabby
Rainbowqueeen · 15/04/2022 22:05

I’ve been to them and they are usually an afternoon tea where the bride is given gifts to fit out her kitchen. So baking items, bowls etc. usually very inexpensive. But everyone I know who has had one has not had a hen party as well. It’s been one or the other.

If your mum wants to host something for older relatives why not just have them round for afternoon tea and not expect anything in return??

Cocomarine · 15/04/2022 22:06

Wedding shower?
Wedding shower of shite more like.
Give over.

Cocomarine · 15/04/2022 22:07

@Rainbowqueeen

I’ve been to them and they are usually an afternoon tea where the bride is given gifts to fit out her kitchen. So baking items, bowls etc. usually very inexpensive. But everyone I know who has had one has not had a hen party as well. It’s been one or the other. If your mum wants to host something for older relatives why not just have them round for afternoon tea and not expect anything in return??
Aaaaaw, do the men get one where they have afternoon pies and get stuff for the garage, hammers and the like?
Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:08

@doggyweewee

Lol wedding shower Grin

As if a baby shower wasn't extortion enough

Exactly.

I would say no OP - I’m sure your mum means well and is just excited, but no one is going to thank you for this.

Cocomarine · 15/04/2022 22:09

@girlmom21

I recommend having a shower on the morning of your wedding.
😭
Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:10

@Rainbowqueeen

I’ve been to them and they are usually an afternoon tea where the bride is given gifts to fit out her kitchen. So baking items, bowls etc. usually very inexpensive. But everyone I know who has had one has not had a hen party as well. It’s been one or the other. If your mum wants to host something for older relatives why not just have them round for afternoon tea and not expect anything in return??
Holy Fuck.

OP - are you a trad wife? does your mum think you’re a trad wife?? - do you need rescuing????

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2022 22:13

@Timeandtune

Did everyone.. just sit around looking at a bunch of crockery?? It seems fucking harsh they weren’t even allowed to drink while they did it.

CrowAndArrow · 15/04/2022 22:15

Whats dat?

Cocomarine · 15/04/2022 22:16

Even if this isn’t some horrible grab for additional presents and is just nice family gathering of women who don’t fit your multiple hen party vibes:

  • don’t call it a “shower”, just don’t
  • why on earth do you need MN to tell you who to invite?! Either you have no choice -in which case ask your mother or DeBretts, or, you know, choose who you want to? Confused
Cocomarine · 15/04/2022 22:17

Also, surely to god - I hate to be the thread police - there’s a better place than AIBU?
We know you want a lot of traffic for your hen parties, but still…

Flickflak · 15/04/2022 22:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Nanalisa60 · 15/04/2022 22:20

When I first moved to the north east of Scotland in the early 1980’s , when some one got married the week before the wedding the brides mother use to have a day called THE SHOWING OF THE PRESENTS , people (all women) would come round and see what had been bought for the married couple, tea sandwiches and cake was given and the presents were all laid out on tables with labels on them with cards saying who had bought them. I thought it was a bit of a show off to see who had bought the best gift. But all the aunts and granny’s and lady neighbours seemed to love the ritual.

SenecaFallsRedux · 15/04/2022 22:20

Didn't any of y'all see the movie Bridesmaids? Do you remember the wedding shower? It's somewhat like that in the US, but generally not quite so elaborate or with puppies as party favors.

TinLeaf · 15/04/2022 22:36

Honestly, how many more events can people come up with to get gifts?!

babyjellyfish · 15/04/2022 22:37

@Springhassprung86

No one. Honesty, grabby Americanised crap. Give your friends a break and just have one hen do and let people look forward to the wedding without the stress of lots of costly events.
This.
iklboo · 15/04/2022 22:39

Say what now?

StoneofDestiny · 15/04/2022 22:43

Sounds like another scheme to screw money out of friends! Seriously - as if weddings weren't dear enough for guests.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 15/04/2022 22:46

What on earth's a wedding shower?! Confused
Isn't a hen do enough nowadays?!

meditrina · 15/04/2022 22:46

@FinnRussell

Genuinely curious about the difference between a wedding shower and a hen party? If there's no overlap of guests I can't see a problem but if I was invited to a hen and a wedding shower I'd definitely be Hmm
At a bridal shower, just like at a baby shower, the shower of gifts is the whole point.

Other types of party, both during pregnancy, and before a wedding are available.

I wouidnt let anyone be invited anyine to both hen party bridal shower (too much of a burden in them) and would ask your DMum who she was thinking of asking (and then just agreeing with her ideas)

Greensleeves · 15/04/2022 22:48

Maybe you could do it, but with a twist - insist on no presents, and instead shower your guests with nice food/drink/hospitality?

That would be great.

GoodJanetBadJanet · 15/04/2022 22:48

I have a lot of Americans in my family and traditionally the wedding shower was a way to get people to help you to cover all the bits and pieces you'd need for the wedding
OMG, that's ridiculous!
Sorry, but if you can't afford to get married then you wait until you can.
(I say this as someone who is married!)

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